I often feel somewhat alone one many of the boards and in the one group I used to attend. The average age seems to be somewhere between 18-25 and so transitioning at age 37 (I'm turning 41 this month) seemed a challenge. When you start transitioning at a later age, things feel somewhat different: you've likely established yourself in a job, you have set friends, perhaps even a few kids. So I figured a thread where we can talk about the challenges that we face when starting this journey at this age.

Yes, my challenge is, will I actually end up needing a facelift first before I can ever get my top surgery!! LOL

I hear ya....I have only just begun transitioning & I am 39.  I mean just begun.... I had my first therapy apt last week.

It's different trying to maintain your relationship, job & friends.  I am lucky in that no one has reacted negatively except my parents who live several states away.

I am mainly dealing with a wife who doesn't want to be married to a hairy boy which she is afraid will happen to me when I start taking T.

Quote from: Andy on March 07, 2011, 08:59:08 AM
Yes, my challenge is, will I actually end up needing a facelift first before I can ever get my top surgery!! LOL

LOL. I hear you on that. It's part of why I'm trying to get it done now while I can.

Quote from: Rob on March 07, 2011, 09:46:48 AM
I hear ya....I have only just begun transitioning & I am 39.  I mean just begun.... I had my first therapy apt last week.

It's different trying to maintain your relationship, job & friends.  I am lucky in that no one has reacted negatively except my parents who live several states away.

I am mainly dealing with a wife who doesn't want to be married to a hairy boy which she is afraid will happen to me when I start taking T.

You know, my g/f was a little worried about it and then she discovered that she liked my furry face because it was so soft (made her think of a cuddly teddy bear).

I'm 31 however yeah I do have friends and a relationship and kids.  I don't have a job because I watch my kids. 

It was a challenge because for most everyone out there pregnancy = femininity.  I can see why they would think that.  When I first got pregnant I remember very distinctly being excited because I thought being pregnant would make me feel like a girl.  I really wanted to be a girl just because that is how the world saw me.  I can swear that I tried everything.  Including being very loose with the birth control.  I was 21 years old and an idiot what can I say?  I was just so desperate to be female so I would be happy in my own skin. 

I was hoping it would work.  It did not work.  I felt just as male unfortunately as I ever did.  And so it goes. 

So to the doubts I keep on pushing that gender is in the mind not in the body.  Just because my body did what it is biology capable of doesn't mean I'm female.  Now that I am presenting as male I feel so much better.  Yeah the kids are an issue sometimes.  I have a 10 year old son and that doesn't jive with my appearance of someone in his early twenties. 

So it seems that what we've settled on is that we are all related in this household.  However we are siblings.  So I'm my husband's brother and my son's brother.  Yeah ....  I should watch Chinatown Again.  Or perhaps they are my husband's children and I'm just the wayward brother of his living there?  We we haven't quite figured it out.  But yeah complicated and something more FTM's really don't have to deal with.

My friends have been cool for the most part.  They slip obviously and I try not to kill them when they do.  They get better at it the more male that I appear to them.  Everyone now calls me Paul and that's good.  Sometimes they call me Paul a bit to much as if overcompensating.  It could be worse however.  I'm just glad I appear male to the world at large.

However last night I got into an argument with a guy high on drugs on a metra train.  He didn't quite believe I was a guy not because of my appearance but because 'there is no bass in your voice bro.'  First time I heard that ... so interesting.  Even more interesting where the 10 knives he was carrying with him while he was tripping the light fantastic.  I was all ready to use my martial arts training but fortunately that didn't come up.  Eventually he wondered off probably straight in front of the train.  I'm prepared to fight if I need to.  A big part of me even wants too.  Which is new and rather surprising.     

 

I'm in my 30s (I apologize for being vague; it's a privacy thing, mostly, due to the vultures we get afflicted with here) so I really understand feeling older than the norm when it comes to transitioning. For me, however, I stopped having relationships in my mid-later 20s. It was dysphoria-related, as I was having more and more trouble connecting with a female body and I could not abide being in a relationship with someone who was reading me as a female. This got more extreme, where I was pushing away even friends except for one stubborn one who refused to give up. In other words, I didn't run into the issue of relationship/kids getting in my way when I finally transitioned. Job-wise, I retired from my previous line of work and went back to college since I had never gotten any kind of degree and I wanted to accomplish that.

At this point, transition has been great for me; I no longer feel like I'm just alone and waiting to die. I am surrounded by supportive friends and I feel attached to my body again. I no longer feel like hiding in a dark house, hoping I'll drop dead so I can be at peace. I know that sounds ridiculous and morbid but it's where I was before I finally came to terms with being trans. I'd been denying it for so long and fighting against it and making myself endlessly miserable.

Kind of ridiculously, my big hurdle in all this has been how youthful I look. Youthful is good but when I say this I mean I looked like jailbait. Prior to transition people read me as being about 23, which is fine when you're in your 30s. After transition people were reading me as 14-16, which is NOT FINE when you're in your 30s. At college it's okay because I just blend in. Elsewhere, it's honestly awful. Several times now, when I've been out with friends, others have addressed my friends either as my parents (oh my god) or just talked to them over me because they assumed that I was a kid hanging out with grown ups. Not to mention, guys I might be interested in (who tend to be in their mid 30s to mid 40s)  feel uneasy flirting with me because it makes them feel like creepsters.

I'm 32, but I'm not transitioning.

Squirrel: interesting on how to present (husband's brother, etc.). If I may ask is this for the sake of the kids or the outside world? Don't respond if you don't feel comfortable doing so.

M. Grimm: totally get the privacy and the presented-age thing. My g/f is 20-something and people think I'm in my early 30s. I so wish I was but alas they are shocked when they learn my actual age. Weird that prior to transition I was viewed as generally on track for age or slightly older.

If I may ask, do you think this is a result or the T or is it because your attitude towards yourself has changed (confidence, happiness, etc.?)

Alex: welcome.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on March 07, 2011, 12:01:55 PM
I'm 31 however yeah I do have friends and a relationship and kids.  I don't have a job because I watch my kids. 

It was a challenge because for most everyone out there pregnancy = femininity.  I can see why they would think that.  When I first got pregnant I remember very distinctly being excited because I thought being pregnant would make me feel like a girl.  I really wanted to be a girl just because that is how the world saw me.  I can swear that I tried everything.  Including being very loose with the birth control.  I was 21 years old and an idiot what can I say?  I was just so desperate to be female so I would be happy in my own skin. 

I was hoping it would work.  It did not work.  I felt just as male unfortunately as I ever did.  And so it goes.

I'm almost 30, so obviously don't belong in this thread, but just wanted to say Squirrel that I did *exactly* the same thing. Twice. And don't even have any kids to show for it (one adoption, one late miscarriage/early stillbirth) which hurts almost as much as the experience itself.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on March 07, 2011, 12:01:55 PM
....last night I got into an argument with a guy high on drugs on a metra train.  He didn't quite believe I was a guy not because of my appearance but because 'there is no bass in your voice bro.'  First time I heard that ... so interesting.  Even more interesting where the 10 knives he was carrying with him while he was tripping the light fantastic.  I was all ready to use my martial arts training but fortunately that didn't come up.  Eventually he wondered off probably straight in front of the train.  I'm prepared to fight if I need to.  A big part of me even wants too.  Which is new and rather surprising.     

This is interesting I'm transitioning MtF 36 years old, it is concerning me alittle about giving up 14 stone of fine fighting machine muscle.  But really the wierdos probably are better off ignored as my mum has always said, at the moment no-one bothers me on the streets even groups nadda no-one wants to get hurt it's as simple as that.  Still I could take up Judo and be 5' 8 and 11-12 stone.  There's an idea.

People do bother me in conversation, female in male clothing just doesn't work I'm too concillatory or something.

A thought occured I'm just not interested in being the groom it actually flippin repulses me haha.

Linus: I believe it's the T. When I was just starting my HRT I read as androgynous but my voice had changed pretty quickly so I passed as male as long as I had a chance to speak. However, I also was read as being in my 20s. Gay guys would flirt with me regularly. The more masculine I've become on T, the younger I read to people. The feminine aspects of my features just get read as 'boyish' now. No guy flirts with me anymore because they're initially reading me as a kid, and once they find out differently they just seem uneasy (perhaps with the idea of other people assuming they're macking on jailbait). Meanwhile, 16 year old girls DO try to flirt with me and just, ergh, no. Do not want.

I mean it's not like I am lamenting the loss of flirtation, but it'd be nice to have a relationship again someday, you know? I mean, I'm taking steps so I'll look like an adult. Young adult = good and fine. Kid = bad.

I'm not 40 yet, but I could be by the time I would get to/be able to transition. But I know what it's like. Everything in my life has come way later than it should have. I've been held down at every turn and I have to fight & work 100 times as hard as others just to scrape by. So it's been a long road for me and will continue to be so for years to come.

Ah its nice to see 'older' guys! I'll be 41 in May....I feel like I'd been transitioning all my life, in a way, having known since I was 4 that something was up / felt like a boy....Looking forward to more discussions with you older guys.

does almost 50 count? If so then there is me.

LordKat: lol, ya you would count.

Schemed: indeed. It does feel like that, no? Therre are times when I look back and see distinct periods that are vastly different in attitude, personality and other characteristics of myself.

To all: I'm curious as to how many recently started transitioning later in life versus having done it years ago (say over 10 years ago or more). And by transitioning I mean medically, with or without surgery.

I have just begun ... only 2 therapy sessions under my belt --- I am 39

Fully transitioned 40s+ guy here as well.



Jay

Been a few weeks since the last post, but wanted to say I am transitioning in the 40+ category.  Was in therapy for the last 15 years off and on and will get my first shot at the end of the month if all goes well.

I have seen the time line for changes on another site, and I was told it was pretty accurate.  Do you all feel the effects take longer on older folks because of our age?  I am mainly concerned about facial hair since I don't want to come out at work and I want to stay there at least 1-1.5 years before I quit so I can get past a probation period and get the benefits. Once the time if up, I am moving out of the area and starting life fresh where nobody knows me.  My voice I am not too worried about unless I end up like James Earl Jones, then I would freak!  But the males in my family don't have a very deep voice, so not too worried about that.  The only other thing they would notice and I would not have an excuse for is facial hair, so thats my worry at the moment.

Late forties here, and I didn't start hormones till I was in my mid-forties.

One challenge is definitely that people assume that I'm much younger than I am, but this tends to happen to FTMs at any age. I don't think I look so much younger than my age, but then I know what to look for. People sometimes make a big deal of it--I've even been called a liar (both bluntly and jokingly). I think I'll just start saying I'm sixty, and see what happens. But these days, lots of folks look younger than they are, so I wish that people would just ask instead of assuming.

One thing I hate is having so MUCH of a past life as a female. And losing all of my youth to a life that was a lie. On the other hand, my ex and I were crazy about each other for such a long time. Then again, I had to twist myself in excruciating ways to fit into that life. A lot of the time, it was okay while I was living it, but then I reached a point where I just started to lose my grip and had to go to greater and greater lengths to live as a woman. The last seven years were definitely the worst--the last eighteen months in particular.

So, the psychological pretzels in my mind...I think that's the worst part and the biggest challenge. I really did a number on myself, and the damage is taking eons to undo.

@Jigsaw, I haven't noticed that it's taking me longer to see the effects of T. My main issue now is my beard, and the reason I haven't got a very thick/full/coarse beard is that I'm blond. (At least, my hair has gotten darker with age, so I guess I'm about as close to brown as you can get and still be blond.)

Count me in. Began medical transitioning this past fall at 52.  I like looking younger than my age right now.
The thing that preys on my mind the most is wishing I could have done this sooner.

Jigsaw, my voice is changing and facial hair is coming in after 4 months on T. (Had chin hair before T, but lots more of it now). Hard to say if I will be a baritone like my dad, but singing voice has already gone from Geddy Lee to Darious Rucker range. Genetics are a total surprise pack. My sister and I used to sound like each other, but not like anybody else in the family.