Hello Luke here,
Have anyone of you found it hard to come to terms with your GID? at the moment I guess i'm in the closet again due to various reasons (trying to make people happy) though i'm only in my teens, I guess i'm only trying to deny it because I have this mindset if I deny it long enough then it will go away..
But in the past before I even knew what a transgender or transexual person was I would always feel depressed and ugly when I wore female clothing and looking in the mirror and I would try to blame it on something else.(there's more to this but I can't be bothered to type up my whole life story haha.)

So any advice would be good.
Luke.

I feel very similarly.  I have no issue with other people being trans or having other gender variations, but when it comes to me, I'm rather uncomfortable about the whole thing.  I think that the main thing that bothered me at first was that I didn't know any other trans people.  It was a fairly foreign concept, and I felt a little lost about what to do/where to go/etc.  Talking with the people on this site has been really helpful.  Many of them have gone through the same issues, and they're full of advice and support.  I now have a more concrete idea of how to approach my transition, which makes me feel a bit better about the whole thing. 

It also doesn't help that I have a general aversion to uncertain changes.  I'm used to looking into things until I'm certain of the outcomes of all possible situations before I act, and that's really not possible in this case.  The unpredictability of other peoples reactions really throws me off.  Talking to a therapist about this has really helped.

Would it be possible for you to find a gender therapist or at least a school counselor or something?  It can be surprisingly helpful to get another perspective on things.  There also may be a trans or LGBT youth group nearby.

Thanks for the reply  I have a school counsellor who unfortunately hasn't been trained to deal with transgendered people but I think there are some LGBT groups in my area , just have to look around really.

Luke

Hi Luke,

    I found it extremely difficult to come to terms with GID. I can trace the feelings back to being 6 years old but they really started to get stronger when I was 12 or so. That was in the 80's; I had never even heard the word, "Transsexual." Here and there, I'd adults joke about someone having a, "sex change," and it was never in a positive light. I knew that I had to hide it and decided that I would immediately kill myself if anyone ever found out. I spent all of my adolescence trying to deny it... the depression continued into adulthood and only got worse as time went on. It seemed like the harder I tried to be comfortable as a guy, the worse the GID became. I convinced myself that I could push it away... that if I were a strong enough person I could be comfortable because that's how everyone around me expected me to be. Guilt and shame kept me in the closet until I couldn't stand it anymore and I almost died because of them.

   Lots of Transfolks will talk about how easy it was for them... that they had supportive parents or lived in an environment that allowed an easy transition. They're blessed and I'm truly happy for them. Some however, don't have the support network or were raised in an environment that empowered them to be themselves. Don't feel like your GID has less validity just because you're having a hard time with it. You owe it to YOURSELF to get the treatment you need. If you find that transition is right for you, do it now. I know it's hard when you have a family that will tell you all the reasons why you shouldn't but it's not their life that you have to live... It's yours..  Don't try to live your life for other people... it will, in the end, make you resent them for holding you back.

I don't recommend ignoring it like I did for 39 miserable years. Mine didn't go away.

Find people you can talk to about it. Like Lee suggested an LGBT youth group could be really helpful. The school councilor might still be helpful. They should be able to find resources for you, they are there to help.

Thank you for the advice !
I can relate to your feelings of depression and your right it is my life so I guess I should just be myself and not care what other people think because in the end it's my body and life so I should do the things that make me feel happy and not be what everyone else wants me to be.

Luke.

It is a very difficult issue to deal with. I am currently beginning to accept myself for who I am "again". It is easier to hide your feelings and keep others happy. I feel it is society that has a problem with people not fitting into a male/female category. The fact is, everyone is born different.
I am about to graduate from college and am working on becoming a licensed therapist. I just hope that my experiences with this issue will be of value to someone one day. From what I have seen studing gender issues is that most of transgendered people have felt the same way you do. You should feel proud of yourself for finding the strength and courage to deal with this, especially at your age. Don't give up.

It is difficult to deal with I agree and thanks I wont give up because at the end of the day its who I am and thank you for your support and i'm sure your experience will help people greatly.

As others have said, it is definitely a challenge. But it gets to be more and more worth it when you see you much happier and functional you are as a result of moving forward.

Quote from: Lee on March 11, 2011, 09:41:54 AM
I feel very similarly.  I have no issue with other people being trans or having other gender variations, but when it comes to me, I'm rather uncomfortable about the whole thing.

Same.

I recommend learning as much as you can. Knowledge helps. I think it's a lifelong process, honestly. I can easily accept the fact I am a male born in the wrong body, but there is significant grief that comes along with that, that I don't think you can ever really get over. Like, missing out on key experiences in life and such. Dwelling on it is no good, but it still sucks to think about and I doubt it'll ever get much better. At least it's an incentive to work toward a happier future.

I recommend learning as much as you can. Knowledge helps. I think it's a lifelong process, honestly. I can easily accept the fact I am a male born in the wrong body, but there is significant grief that comes along with that, that I don't think you can ever really get over. Like, missing out on key experiences in life and such. Dwelling on it is no good, but it still sucks to think about and I doubt it'll ever get much better. At least it's an incentive to work toward a happier future.

So true. There are plenty of books to learn from.
I just wish I was born a female. I would have had the experiences that I could only wish for (children, wedding, prom, friends, etc...). Instead I feel like I have been hiding my whole life. My hope is that society will wise-up one day and become more accepting of the differences of others. It is sad that I am expected to act and think a certain way because of what sex organ I was born with.

Quote from: Jamiess on March 13, 2011, 03:52:41 PM
It is sad that I am expected to act and think a certain way because of what sex organ I was born with.

THIS.
If only it was possible to just click your fingers and become the opposite sex...