So I walk into the breakroom and this janitor stares at me as I decide I need to use the restroom. Then the guy follows me in so uncomfortably I head to the stall like I always do. Then I get my pants down and the guy yells "you use a urinal to pee! Not a stall" in this pissed off and annoyed voice and stands in there while I do my business. Thank god he left before I got out of the stall.

I ignored him and when I got out he followed me into another break room. Then when I went to change my clothes in the changing room at the end of the night he was there yelling at everyone about some stupid crap. So I went outside to wait on a bus and he walked out ready to go a couple minutes later stood near me huffing and puffing. I was so uncomfortable that I walked where I needed to go instead. I really wanted to report him but I didn't for two reasons. 1. I didn't know his name and 2. I thought it would lead to even more awkwardness because most likely if he got reprimanded they would bring up me being trans and if for some reason he was just giving me a hard time as a male then I would be outed unnecessarily. 

Did I deal with it the right way? I think I did but I'm curious to hear what ya'll think.

Dear Andrew,

What a horrible way to be treated. The guy was truly a dick. I am so sorry that you had to put up with crappy people. (I HAVE ALWAYS THOUGHT URINALS AND MEN'S BATHROOMS SUCK!!) I never understood why men are not entitled to privacy the same as women.

The point is though the guy was a jerk and no matter what getting away from him seemed of the utmost importance. If he continues to be a jerk I would keep a journal of days and times these events occur and if you have to use it, do so and turn him in for harassment.

Many Big Hugs.
Roxy & Patty

Quote from: Andrew Alexander on March 15, 2011, 12:30:48 AM
So I walk into the breakroom and this janitor stares at me as I decide I need to use the restroom. Then the guy follows me in so uncomfortably I head to the stall like I always do. Then I get my pants down and the guy yells "you use a urinal to pee! Not a stall" in this pissed off and annoyed voice and stands in there while I do my business. Thank god he left before I got out of the stall.

I ignored him and when I got out he followed me into another break room. Then when I went to change my clothes in the changing room at the end of the night he was there yelling at everyone about some stupid crap. So I went outside to wait on a bus and he walked out ready to go a couple minutes later stood near me huffing and puffing. I was so uncomfortable that I walked where I needed to go instead. I really wanted to report him but I didn't for two reasons. 1. I didn't know his name and 2. I thought it would lead to even more awkwardness because most likely if he got reprimanded they would bring up me being trans and if for some reason he was just giving me a hard time as a male then I would be outed unnecessarily. 

Did I deal with it the right way? I think I did but I'm curious to hear what ya'll think.

I think you're smart for not blowing up and doing something you may regret later.  I think you DEFINITELY did the right thing by ignoring him- at least for now- and now you have the ability to sit back and figure out what you want to do about the situation and weigh out your options.  You have a good head on your shoulders.

How did he even know you wanted to go pee? You should have made really loud farting sounds while you were in the stall.  But in all seriousness, lots of guys use the stall because of the privacy it offers. People peeking at their junk doesn't sit too well with a lot of guys. There's no reason the janitor should have criticized you for using the stall.

Thank you gals And thank you Juliet you are right, I might very well change my mind but at least I have the option. Not lashing out when I get angry is so much more difficult since starting T

Roxy and Patty: Writing it down is a great idea. I went ahead and put it on my laptop calendar. I don't remember the exact time but I think the hour it happened should be good enough for them if I file a complaint hopefully.

TheAethrealMeadow: That's what I was thinking! I used to know a guy who was terribly pee-shy so he always used a stall.

Everybody has an ->-bleeped-<-. Some people are one. You just met an ->-bleeped-<-. Your entire workplace probably has a story regarding this guy. Theres a reason why his chosen profession became the "janitorial arts." That reason is most likely has a lot todo with a lack of people skills and/or social graces.

That's just ridiculous.  He's probably just sick of people peeing on the seat. 

maybe he was bothered by something completely not even related to you and you were just looking to far into it

or

he's the janitor from scrubs!!! which would be hi-larious

As everyone has said this 'person' has misplaced the rock it lives under. In my limited male experience of such matters, guys would punch his lights, which maybe why he is in the  state he is in. Our totally ignore him. I think you did the right thing. In the last 25 years or so if I'm in male mode I have NEVER used a urinal. They are disgusting.

Cindy

Quote from: Lee on March 15, 2011, 01:28:34 AM
He's probably just sick of people peeing on the seat. 

Hah, this was my first thought. maybe he was hanging around outside the bathroom because he just had to clean up some nasty crud in there? Unless he was asian, 'cus I know I've had some asian shop owners yell at me for really weird stuff.. 
Sounds like you dealt with it all in a reasonable and calm manner. I can't say I would have been able to do the same in a similar situation. 

Good for you for keeping your cool Andrew. I'd be effing pissed, I'd be tempted to see how much the T helped my muscles.

TBH I think he was just being a douche? Either as a janitor (messes) or just some weird code of masculinity in his mind.

First off, please excuse me for I've had quite a few drinks tonight and can still type relatively well.  Go European heritage and our high tolerance!

Anyways, this guy was an ass****.  Plain and simple.  You handled it well, although if it were me, I would have said something akin to "mind your own damned business for a change!"  Or if you wanted to take a nicer approach, a simple "I prefer the stalls thank you very f****** much."

You can tell I'm a testy dude though and I have a low tolerance for bull****.  I'm so serious.  Perhaps it's true that this guy had some form of outdated codes of masculinity, but they're just that - outdated and if you can't become enlightened and evolve then you lose.

Bottom line, keep your head up.  Just keep doing what you're doing and keep a record of the things he says and when he says them since you don't strike me as the confrontational type.   

Was there only one stall?  Maybe he really had to take a crap and was mad that you took up the stall only to pee?  I don't know..

I think you've done the right thing. And I know what it is to be in role and have to avoid one confrontation out of fear that a reading may make things worse.

However, that guy has issues. Not with you personally, but he seems to me to be a psycho (you said "he was yelling at everyone"). I wouldn't worry much, but I would be careful: such psycho guys may become predatory with people they might see as "weak" for refusing a confrontation and minding their own business. and since this guy seems to be a janitor at your workplace, you may be seeing him around. If he again gives you some headaches, he might be harassing you, in which case I think you just should report him to the right person (you'll know since it's your workplace). Regardless of the motivation (not even gender related, although the restroom thing might become one), I think it's best to never ever get into a fight at work, not even verbally. If someone predates you, just play the offended part (as it is true) and report. Well, I am basing my opinion on conflicts I've seen at former workplaces in which T* was of no importance, so mine may not be the best tip....

Keep well man!

Ah dude that sucks! Don't let one jerk get you down; don't let him stop you from using the stall either! I use the stall to pee also & know a good number of cis-guys who pee in the stall & even sit to pee.

I'm surprised this guy even gave you a hard time; I've found that guys generally don't pay any attention to what other guys are doing in the loo.

cheers bro

Actually Drew, if this thing is an employee, you can report him for make it a hostile workplace.  I have a friend who hates to use the urinals.  If there is a stall available he will use it.

Dear Andrew

Like Patty said, this guy is a dick, so forget about him.
He puts his nose in matters where he has nothing to do with.
If you want some privacy on the toilet, that's your business, not his.
There will be always stupid people my friend, the best thing is to ignore them, they are not worth to be uppset of.
Maybe next time, put his head in the urinal, he will stop yelling than, I'm quite sure about that.

You did the right thing, just ignore it.

many hugs
annette

Quote from: Devin87 on March 15, 2011, 07:12:06 AM
Was there only one stall?  Maybe he really had to take a crap and was mad that you took up the stall only to pee?  I don't know..

This is what first came to mind.  That, or since he's the janitor, he's sick of cleaning pee off of seats.  From the rest of what you described about him, it sounds like you're not the only one he yells at.  I wouldn't take him too seriously, but do report him if he does something completely out of line.

I didn't think about the him needing a stall thing really because he was doing the janitor thing but on second thought that is very possible. I would think he'd have to go on break to do so like everyone else does but maybe he's cranky and break the rules.
Sorry for not responding individually guys but thank you for the responses. 

My thought was that he just cleaned it. Maybe he's had bad experiences with teens and not being clean in the stalls. At least he wasn't too threatening. Things could have potentially gone a lot worse.