I was at my therapist this AM talking about the need to come out and not live as two people.  We talked about my low self esteem and depression as needing improvement first.  And for me to consider meds.  She also talked about me going on short-term disability at work until I can get myself under control.  But I have to wait a whole year before I can do that.  She also wants to slow my transition down.  I am afraid that if I go on disability then I can't afford to transition.  I still have a long ways to go with electrolysis.  Also I am afraid that I will go further into despair over my non-transitioning should that happen.  On the other hand if conditions stay the same at work I may lose it there.  Sounds like a "catch-22".  Can't live with the problems there and can't afford to lose the income.  I am now done with my rant/pouting/ self debasing(sort of)/self-pitying.