So today I come home and see the mail on the counter. Two invitations for my mother and I to go back to the annual 'Mother-Daughter christian retreat' were in the mail. I'm neither religious nor do I really enjoy going to it, but my mom has always begged me to go every year. I have went with her for two years, but this was while I was still trying to conform to who everyone expected me to be. Now that I have reestablished myself as a male to my parents, I don't really want to seem flexible on the matter, but its honestly the only thing we get to do together to bond. Bonding would also be helpful in this time of me trying to get them to see the light on the matter, but you see my dilemma on this as well. I am also her only child, she doesn't get to go out and do things like this much, and I don't want to make her go alone.

I know she is going to ask if I will go with her soon, and I honestly don't know what to say. 

I wouldn't go.  To me it's like telling her you are confused or willing to compromise sometimes and if that is not true then don't put it out there as an option

Could you and your mother maybe do something alternitive during that time instead of going to the mother daughter retreat thing?

@Andy: Yeah that's what I was afraid of. She is at the point right now where she is still testing the waters too- asking me if I like this or that with girl clothes. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to give her the wrong impression by going.

@Michael: Yeah that would be nice/ideal, but I don't think its that easy. She loves her Christian get-togethers and I don't think she would trade them in for anything. She would go alone before she would not go at all. And I sort of feel bad sending her alone.

(Edit: Its actually a 'women's retreat' instead of a 'mother daughter' thing. But yeah.)

I have to agree with Andy.
You definitely don't want to give her any doubt that you're a guy and want/need to be treated like one.

If it's actually a women's retreat and not a mother daughter thing,  then I especially would not go.  for all the reasons people have already listed. 

I know you feel sorry for her now, but you really might regret it later.

Are there any christian mother-and-son retreats?

I agree with everyone else - you have to be firm, even if it means making some waves. If you don't mind going to religious events, you could always see if there are some mother-son [edit: oops, yoxi said that already ] or general family events you could both go to together.

There are not any mother-son retreats to my knowledge. But maybe if I express my interest in one once she brings up this women's retreat then maybe she will at least see that I care about her but that I just don't want to do this with her.

I do feel bad, but maybe I can make it up to her or something by planning something for us to do sometime around that time? I will have to look into this and be prepared to make the proposition when she asks me about this retreat. Maybe it won't cause hurt feelings if I do it that way...

If you are neither religious or female it seems very insulting to the other people at the retreat for you to attend. I do not mean that as an insult to you BTW, just possibly a thought that you can present to your mother. When I gave up religion at 13 I was sometimes dragged to the church by my parents (Roman Catholic) but I always refused communion. After a number of arguments I told them that it was an insult to their belief for I to receive what RC's regard as a very holy thing, when I didn't believe in any of it. It worked.

Good Luck

Cindy

@Cindy:

Yeah and I have tried to make that case to my parents many times. Things like this are optional for me to go to, but church every Sunday is not an option for me. I am 19, but I still live in my parent's house, so I am given no option. We have had discussions about this for 6+ hours before, they are aware of my stance on religion, and they are still firm on it. I agree pretending like I am religious would be an insult, but I don't pretend- not even to the church they make me go to.

When my parents made me go to church, I used to always wander around the building and never sit and listen to the preacher.  Or if they made me not wander around, then I would just intentionally fall asleep during the preacher. 

Basically, I rebelled anytime and everytime I could.  I feel like it makes me a more stronger confident person.  I was sending that it is pointless to make me come to church because I don't listen to a think they are saying anyway.  Now this turned into a power struggle, they would make me go just because they were mad at me, but after so long, they got tired.  they got tired of fighting me because they weren't winning anything anyway.  Even if they made me come, I wasn't listening, so why make me come?  I told them they were just making me hate religion.  I would say things like, "If all God cares about is going to church and listening to some boring man talk, then I want nothing to do with him."  I would try to make them realize (indirectly) that they were having the opposite effect on me that they wanted. 

I don't know what your parents are like.  maybe this is not a good tactic to use on them.  For me, it worked.  they usually gave up, and I felt confidence just because I stood up for myself and and didin't let them guilt me into doing something or otherwise manipulate me.


(btw, I have nothing against religion.  I didn't actually believe the things I was saying, I just said them to annoy my parents.)

Quote from: Shimei Valentine on March 22, 2011, 02:48:55 AM
@Cindy:

Yeah and I have tried to make that case to my parents many times. Things like this are optional for me to go to, but church every Sunday is not an option for me. I am 19, but I still live in my parent's house, so I am given no option. We have had discussions about this for 6+ hours before, they are aware of my stance on religion, and they are still firm on it. I agree pretending like I am religious would be an insult, but I don't pretend- not even to the church they make me go to.

And to John, can we do two quotes?
Dummy, I'm a Mod I walk on Water (sorry).

One thing I did resort to was reading novels in church. I know nothing about religious practice in various belief's, but a lot of it seemed to be reading a bible, prayer book or something, so I read a novel. I would kneel sit, stand whatever. But I read my book. Looked as if I conformed but the people around me and my parents knew differently. Finally when I was 17/18 I left home. At 23 I emigrated to Australia. You have to decide when you want to live your life. If there are gods and goddesses, they gave life to you, not to someone you are not.

I'm not in anyway provoking a religious discussion, I'm not interested, just the present situation.

Good Luck and Hugs

Cindy