I'm in sort of an odd situation.  I do a lot of dancing, and the community is small and close.  There are about 50-100 people that I know fairly well and see at least every few weeks.  These people all know me as a girl, and I really don't want to have to explain it to all of them.  I really doubt I'll ever be able to be seen as a guy in this group, and it could become a real problem with asking people to dance.  I'm also worried that some people may hold it against me if they realize they've been dancing with a guy.  Honestly, this is one of my main motivations for moving when I become passable.  Until then, I'm thinking that it might just be easier to just deal with them thinking I'm a girl.  I go to have fun, and something tells me the drama would not be worth it.  I don't know.  Any ideas?

Hi Lee

I can understand how you feel in this situation, because I have been there, I was extremely well known, I was involved in swimming, life saving at local and national level and on several occasions my achievements were reported in the local news paper, nearly every year for 10 years and to top it of my mum was also involved in charitable organisations.  This is the least of my circle of friends.

As you allude to and "one of my main motivations for moving was I was well known", however they did not know of my circumstances and therefore I decided to leave it all behind not realising that this was the more appropriate thing to do at the time.  Hence I did not put myself in the situation of second guessing what people were thinking, because honestly you will never will be able to tell what they are thinking unless you directly ask them the proverbial question 'do you see me as a male or female'.

I have often thought about this in regards to my family.  My mum recently remarked it was hard 'not to think about who I once was' or something similar on occasion.  This is my mum who writes letters to me starting with 'my darling daughter' and in public this is my 'daughter', even my brothers refers to my history as 'she'.  Yet, on occasion, when I'm in the presence of my family, I will think "do they think of me or see me as a female?

Having said all of that, you are a young man who is starting out in life and who loves his dancing.  Just like I enjoyed my swimming, enjoy your dancing regardless of who you are and if the opportunity arises and there is a shortage of male dancers, then guess what you do?

When the time comes just leave and do not tell them the real reason why.  This way you will not have the hassle of explaining your background and of course you will need to leave before people start suspecting.  When you arrive at your new destination, you will only be seen as a male and that way you will not have to worry about what those people think in regards to what your gender is.

I hope this gives you some idea!

Kind regards
Sarah B

My reply got chewed by the internet. But what she said.

Cindy