Well, I woke up this morning with a full fledge panick attack .... my mind was racing with "Do I really need to transition"  "Am I really a male"  "Do I want to face the rejection of my family"  "Is it worth it -- I mean I am 40 years old -- I have lived this long seen as a female' "Do I have the strength to do this"

My heart was racing - I couldn't breath -- I was ready to throw in the towl.

This just after my therapist has said she agrees with me that I am transgender and need to have surgery & hrt ---- I have validation and now I am questioning

Please someone tell me they have been there before -- that this is normal -- something 

You're not just trying to listen to you, you're also trying to listen to you over the noise of a very loud society telling you not to listen.

Breathe...

You don't have to be ready until you're ready, your therapist is just confirming that you can go ahead if and when you're ready. Any commitment is a leap into the void, it's bound to be scary. Take your time. xx

Right there with your Rob.

I've been there This is not an uncommon thought. What pulls me through is the belief that life will be so much better, and indeed, it already has become so.

Where I live there is a rather large population of FTM's, a few of which I have had the pleasure of helping along with advice on behavior and male society (after all, I do have a virtual MA in masculine survival). If you would ever like to discuss anything personally you can feel free to PM me.

Hey look at me and know that transitioning did solve some major issues in my life but it didn't solve them all and the gender change was one of them.

If you have to think about this THEN WAIT ...

I had major issues i knew i had to resolve and doing the gender change was the only way for me to resolve them. So i did it and knew i had too and well for that i am happy.


On the other hand i lost my sons and never dated again and people talk about me but i needed to do it even though gender wise it wasn't gonna go well but the other issue was resolved and for that i would do it again.

PS: Don't ask me what the other thing was because its kinda strange but it was more pressing than the actual gender change but i needed the gender change to resolve the other issue so here i am

I think we feel that no matter what stage, I know myself when I tried to transition sometime ago, I was out to my family feeling confident of my path, then BAMM another psycologist in one meeting entered doubt into my mind, that doubt stopped my transition,,, but he was wrong, here I am 14 years later regretting stopping.. I dont think it would be normal, if you didnt have those feelings from time to time. What it comes down to is "what other person other than our kind ever really even seriously contimplate changing there physical gender shell"

Well Rob, if you have panic attacks it is sort of "normal" I guess.  Otherwise I think it sounds like the sort of second thoughts we all have when faced with a major decision.  Until surgery though it is reversible, at least partly, so I don't get too hung up on it, and let it pass.

Meditation can help, is there anywhere around you where you can learn?  Lots of palliative care groups use it for pain relief, which is where I learned.

Nothing mystical about it, just breathing techniques that can change brain wave patterns and calm you.
Hope this helps, Karen.

Rob, I think it is normal for us to panic a little.  We have had a long time in one role.  And we became comfortable in that role.  Then we find out that will we may be comfortable it really isn't who we are.

So we go through part of our life with the belief that we were "born wrong".  And we become comfortable in that.  And along comes someone that now tells us that we were indeed "born wrong".

Wait!  You mean I wasn't just kidding myself.   I really was "born wrong".  And that is what causes us to panic.  We really are trans.  Not just play acting.

Beside Rob.  MAN UP, GUY.

  brother

Quote from: Janet Lynn on April 02, 2011, 10:52:39 AM
Wait!  You mean I wasn't just kidding myself.   I really was "born wrong".  And that is what causes us to panic.  We really are trans.  Not just play acting.

This is pretty much how I've felt for the last couple of months, so thanks for saying it; I'm glad I'm not crazy. 

Also, I relate to this:

Quote from: Rob on March 30, 2011, 10:43:54 AM"Do I want to face the rejection of my family"  "Is it worth it -- I mean I am 40 years old -- I have lived this long seen as a female' "Do I have the strength to do this"

I'll go through phases where I'll think "but my bf is so amazing, and my life is so privileged, and I've made it this far as a girl, and I liked wearing dresses and high heels sometimes.  Then reality sets back in, and it becomes obvious that I'm just giving into fear.  And that's not manly.  So, I'm working on it- still sort of in limbo with my relationship/ coming out situation.

Stay strong man.  It will be OK.  And as Yoxi said, breathe! 

You are what you are! Don't panick! It is normal, and it's actually not 'Fear' but something like 'Anxiety' and 'Curiosity' of yours that what will happen after this 'Most important decision' of your life. Calm yourself! It's natural!

Good Luck! 

I really wish i could be of more help.The only thing i can say is that i had these attacks for years.I never sought help for them.I should have sought help but i did not know were to turn at the time.Gradually they started to dimminish.it's ironic that you posted this because i had just been thinking about the past when i was so full of fear that i was going to be found out.The fact that you are not alone,might help a little,for me i did not even have the internet(not invented yet).Looking back i think the constant hiding and living a "secret life" played a significant role in all of it.