I met my husband during transition. He has never tried to hide who he is or was from me and I love him dearly. Here lately though things have been a little rocky. I'm not exactly sure how to feel or what to do. There are a number of things and I am hoping I can get some kind of advice as to what to do.
I have always been okay with how he is physically, as a matter of fact he is the sexiest thing to ever exist. But occasionally, for this reason or that, I am not interested in having sex and he sees it as an attack. That the only reason I am not in the mood is because of the way he looks. It is impossible to reassure him of my feelings. The only solution I've been able to come up with is regardless of my mood just to have sex. I admitted this once, now he tells me he feels like a rapist and now questions my actions when we are together. When it all comes down to my own self confidence, I don't feel very good about the way I look, I tell him this and I get "What do you have to not like about yourself. Look at me." How do I argue that?
Now I've tried to be more comfortable with my self. When I was a kid I was made fun of for having a southern accent and dropped it. It comes back now and again when I'm tired or drunk. But I tried to get it back because I didn't trip over my words as much, communication was just more natural to me. Anyway my husband commented once that he liked the accent and now is convinced I am only trying to get it back because of his comment. I have weight issues that I've been focusing on as well anytime he notices me getting thinner he gets depressed about his own weight.
The problem that I can't help but focus on today is if I act femme in any way I feel like I'm doing something wrong. He sat down with me one day and told me that he didn't find men doing girly things as attractive. Now I am second guessing everything I do because I don't know how they are seen to the outside world. I'm just kinda stuck not doing anything because I feel every move I make is going to be the wrong one.
