So, the very last thing I want to come across when posting is offensive... But I just want to get a further understanding of myself... and what it means to be androgynous from you guys. I was raised (as I'm sure many of you were) by things having to be THIS OR THAT, and nothing inbetween. So it's really hard to grasp the concept of being something inbetween (which I always seem to be in the middle on everything). Growing up friends would make me choose which one of them I liked better... or if people were in an arguement I had to pick aside... And then when I realized I liked both boys and girls... I always felt pressured that I had to pick one or the other, and if I liked both I would be considered not as dedicated to the partner I choose because I'm only "half" straight and "half" lesbian (Yes I know the term is bisexual) ...and so on. I could continue to list examples, but I'll only list one more. Lately with my "this or that" battle I've been wondering about my gender, and what I am. I appear as female, but I could pull off being a guy. I think about being a guy constantly... and I want to be one... yet I still want to be a female too. And in society it's clear to me... that it is definitely this or that. Yes there are Unisex bathrooms, but their not at every place I goto... and when applications are filled out for jobs, college, whatever... it's male or female. And I have only recently been wanting to show this other side to me that I've been hiding. Anyway, I was wondering from all of you... Do you feel like more like one gender than the other? What does it mean for you to be androgynous, transsexual, or whatever you like to be considered as? To everyone I'm considered female... but inside I know there's more too me. And being very new to this thinking of being inbetween... I just want to hear how you've dealt with this problem... and what it means to you to be considered both (or neutral)? I don't have in depth knowledge on this, and I hope hearing what your takes on it will help me understand myself better, and just this subject in general. -Charlie (I hope I posted this in the right place.)

Hmmm, what does being andro mean to me?? Well i guess i means i can have the best of both worlds, i dont have to feel guilty about buying and wearing female clothes anymore than what i do wearing male clothes, i can sit in front of the tv screaming at my favourite footie team, while painting my nails, i can be the protector of my family and cry at sad films and most importantly i have the right to change my body into the one i see in my mind. As you can see i am trying to seperate the two genders, but over the years they have come closer and closer together i feel, no longer is it frowned upon for a male to be a nurse or chef or for a female to drive HGV's or empty bins.

Spent most of my life doing what other people wanted me to do and behaving how your average male would be expected to behave, but i found that just got me deep into trouble as it just wasnt me, have felt so much better since i have been doing my own thing, however its not all a bed of roses as my female side hates feeling trapped inside and just like an active volcano, every now and then explodes and i just feel defenceless to do anything.

I reckon you will get loads of different answers to what its like to be Andro and everyone will be right in some shape of form, just dont let anyone dictate what "this or that" you should be, its your life and only you have the right to determine your own future.

Yeah, that is one thing I really do need to do.. is to be more comfortable with being myself. A really bad trait of mine is that I really care about what other people think about me, and though I shouldn't, I try to give them no reason to bother me about my appearance... Though I stand up for other people whenever I can... I still have trouble standing up for myself. But your post really does help. Thanks =]

Took so many knocks when i was still finding myself and would spend a lot of the time hidden under the duvet just wishing everyone would go away and leave me alone, but its those same people who helped me be the person i am now. Really dont care less who knows what about me. Yeah ok being married with two kids means i have to tone things right down at times, as wifes family dont know anything about that side of me, but all my family know im a bit girly and so do half the people up the street where i live and a few of the people i work with also know, but i mainly dont have any trouble nowadays, as when people realise that calling  names or threatening you dont bother you, then they tend to leave you alone.

90% of the time i am proud to be andro, its just the other 10% when she becomes too dominant i have the problem with.

I think most people live in a this or that world so it's kind of natural for them to want us to live there too. People like order for the most part which is why homosexuals kind of freak hetros out because it's out of order for them and bisexuals can sometimes freak out homosexuals because it's also out of order, like dude it's either Ya or Nay it can't be both or you're not really gay

The way you cope is to think about what's important to you. I want to get along in life so if I'm going to work I will wear somewhat girlie clothes, to fit in and Im not really that comfortable with doing that but I wouldn't feel comfortable wearing a McDonalds uniform either but lots of people do so it's not really that big a deal. I think of it as my uniform.

How you get along with YOURSELF is a tough one.   

Hmm.  For me, I am also female bodied, but I think about being male most of the time while still not wanting to transition.  Ideally, I will present masculinely, but without transition.  I like my female body, but I know I'm not female.  In my head, I'm male and always have been.  I may eventually opt for a low does of T (I don't know though...I have to think about it more), but I don't plan on having a mastectomy or anything like that.

As far as work goes, in many places you cannot be fired for your gender identity.  If it's possible to move to one of those places or if you already live in one, then you have an advantage.  Even if you present female for your interview and when you start your job, if you begin to slowly make your appearance more masculine, then you should, TECHNICALLY, be able to do that without worry.  Technically.  Also, a slow change gives people a chance to get used to it.

It's all in what you are comfortable with.  Personally, I'm going for academia...there's a lot more freedom there than in other places.  Cities are often easier for members of the LGBT community to live/work in.

This is definitely the right place for the post.    In the Androgyne forum, there aren't any rules really...you can call yourself and identify yourself anyway you want, so you don't need to worry too much about offending anyone.

Hi Charlie. I'm pretty gender fluid so I can feel different from one hour to the next. But I consider myself to be a 50/50 split of male and female (I'm male bodied). For me, being androgynous means I have options in dealing with different situations that I probably wouldn't have if I was male or female gendered. The gender therapist I saw a few years back told me that androgynes have both male and female skill sets and have the ability to bring the right combination of skills to a problem or situation. I kind of like that.

It took me years (20+) to begin to accept who I am. One of the things I've had to do is learn to see being inbetween not as a problem but as an opportunity. I may not show or voice everything I feel, but I give myself permission to feel whatever it is I'm feeling. If I had to be a man I'd probably have to tell myself that the Kremlin building looks very nice lit up at night. As an androgyne I can admit, even if it's just to myself, that I think it looks pretty. And those skill sets I was talking about? They just keep coming up whether I want them to or not. So I try to see it as thinking outside the box.

Most people don't one day realize they're androgynous and burst out of the closet, leaving a trail of corpses of detractors in their wake. Accepting being inbetween is a process. It will take some time. For most of us the destination is the same but the journey is a very personal one. Take the time to really get to know yourself. I'm sure there will be some (hopefully pleasant) surprises along the way. Just try to be open to whatever you discover.

Aw, all this stuff was so overwhelming to read at once... (in a good way!) Really, thanks everyone... its nice to read all these different perspectives. I really find this stuff more helpful then I could of ever hoped for. I know it's going to take awhile for me to accept everything, and be able to show off myself to everyone. Besides this site I've only told a very close friend of mine... So, it'll be awhile to let this other side of me out. I mean it kind of shows... I never wear make up. And I don't really girl up my appearance often. Alot of my family thinks its because I am not confident about my appearance... But lately I've realized it's really because I'm just not all that girly *though on rare occasions I do get all dolled up*. Really, I just want to cut off all my hair, and walk around with baggy jeans and a hoodie... grow out my facial hair (which I have because being overweight has its side effects other than being fat)... and test out how low I can get my voice to be. I know it sounds silly putting it like that, but it's honestly a deep desire of mine. Slowly... I'm starting to come to terms with being inbetween isn't so bad, and I might even get to a place where I can play around with a little bit and possibly come out to my other friends about it too. I'm definitely going to hold off on telling my parents... because my mom will have to call up everyone she knows and break the news to them... and my dad doesn't even know I'm bisexual yet... (which is beyond me... he's the one I goto talk to usually about everything else.) I dunno, I'm kind of a private person in general...(I use that term loosely...because there are times like now where I talk my butt off.) Once I figure things out... I'll think about what to do next... it's just like a month ago, I never thought I would sign up for a site like this... so I'd like to think I'm progressing atleast a little. ; *end ramble*

Ramble on as much as you like, you will feel better trust me, being the way i am there is no one i can talk to who might have a clue what the heck i am going on about. My wife is very supportive, but there is no way she can understand why i feel the need to have breasts or how i feel in general, at least on here, although no two people are the same, at least you are amongst people on the same wave length who are not judgemental. Been on loads of other websites and found them to be very bitchy and back stabbing, mind you they did help me to realise i was not TS.

Quote from: shelly on April 08, 2011, 01:40:35 AM
Ramble on as much as you like

Indeed!  And this is definitely the place for it.  Welcome!!

All my life I've been told that I should do something to conform or pick a side when either both options were equaly apealing or equaly wrong for me sometimes life would be easier if I could choose to feel just this or that but that isn't me I tried fitting in but It never worked for me now that I live as me and present without conforming to the binary bs rules I'm much happier and more comfortable but when I'm forced to conform I have to put up with mind battles between the conflicting parts. which can get scary but the long road to acceptance of myself has been worth it good luck on your journey to being true to who you are - whatever that may be . also ramble on as much as you need we don't mind and we know it can help

Quote from: Kinkly on April 11, 2011, 06:08:50 PM
All my life I've been told that I should do something to conform or pick a side when either both options were equaly apealing or equaly wrong for me sometimes life would be easier if I could choose to feel just this or that but that isn't me I tried fitting in but It never worked for me now that I live as me and present without conforming to the binary bs rules I'm much happier and more comfortable but when I'm forced to conform I have to put up with mind battles between the conflicting parts. which can get scary but the long road to acceptance of myself has been worth it good luck on your journey to being true to who you are - whatever that may be . also ramble on as much as you need we don't mind and we know it can help

When I was growing up, my rabbi would say that when presented with an either/or option, both/and is frequently the best answer.

S

Quote from: Simone Louise on April 11, 2011, 08:32:03 PM
When I was growing up, my rabbi would say that when presented with an either/or option, both/and is frequently the best answer.

S

I like that!  I'm going to use it.

I think that when we start out exploring a new part of ourselves - be it hobby, skill or even gender, we have a strong wish to be it in all its fullness which makes us feel that we a re failing when we are not whatever it is we think we are. In a sense that for a while we have This, That and The Other as well. Keep at it and a lot of that stuff seems to dissolve and you don't seem to notice the this and that all that much.