Hi Jussie,
I think lots of us have been there. I know I have and I know tragically that I have lost friends at Susan's who gave in.
The way that some of us have done it is to establish a network of friends we can call or post or whatever, who know what TG is.
It is also VERY important to look at the medical side. Ate you depressed and is it clinical depression and is it treatable. Fortunately most depression is treatable and very easily treated. I was slow I couldn't crawl and after going on quite mild drugs I'm living life to a point where I am so happy with myself that my friends at Susan's phone me up to tell me to calm down

. So go to your family Doc and discuss. I'm not sure what part of the world you are in but post and local members may have advice.
Deal with the problems. This is the one everyone hates. Why are you depressed is it chemical imbalance? Is it putting up with your life? Is it fear about being who you are? Or even not understanding 'what' you are? A gender therapist is a really good help here. Again access varies around the world. I'm in Australia and our therapists for TG issues are psychiatrists, in the USA there are trained 'gender specialists' so again we can help you more by having some more info.
The total and complete loneliness and none acceptance of Jussie by the world. We are totally use to that one Honey

. At Susie's we are totally used to newbies not realising that we understand. There is no way that we cannot understand, we have all been or live in the same situation.
A big piece of advice. Join us, post, develop friendships. There is no reason to be alone again, Ever. We are world wide , someone is on the board all the time. Just say Hi. Ask for help or a chat.
Take care Darling
Hugs
Cindy