Writing a self help book sounds like easy money...if only i could live with the shame.

It's not that hard, I think the basic starting point of any self-help book is to pick a topic about which you know less than anyone else in the world.

Quote from: tekla on April 29, 2011, 02:03:49 PM
It's not that hard, I think the basic starting point of any self-help book is to pick a topic about which you know less than anyone else in the world.

And write about it really badly?

It helps if you can be infinitely vague and then use the most inappropriate analogies in the world.

So feelings of personal inadequacy would become the hyenas of self doubt and so forth?

The La Brea Tar Pits of common sense.

I can't believe people still write and read these books.  No one is going to learn the secrets about the genders from reading books.  Not all men think alike just as not all women think alike.  No matter how much we want to say "men think like this" and "women think like this", it just does not work.  Each relationship is different Phrases like "he is a guy, what do you expect" only serve to degrade people.  Even if the phrases are in a joking manner, it still has negative connotations associated with it. 

Sara seems somewhat immature but not unusual, the behavior seems to fit a young relationship.

I dislike how the job would interfere with having feelings. Work is our livelihood, but it shouldn't disconnect you from the rest of the world so adamantly. Personal calls, if short, should keep the routine from being hell. To think working 8 hours a day that makes  nearly 1/3 of your life that you are prevented from even contacting someone you love, to ask them about their day or just hear their voice, that's injustice.

Work is our livelihood, but it shouldn't disconnect you from the rest of the world so adamantly.

I think any real professional should be able to leave that stuff at the door.  If you have something you really need to talk about, or talk over I'll be happy to sit with you after work, but until then, I've got stuff to do, and so do you if you want to keep on working here.  For a lot of stuff in life working under that level of distraction is a hazard to yourself and everyone else working with you.

Of course a lot of that depends on the job, but for the most part if I'm not calling you when you're on the pole, try to refrain from calling me at work unless it's a very real and immediate emergency.  And under no circumstances are you to call me just to re-hash your deep seated feeling of inadequacy, paranoia, and clinging neediness.  But I always dated adults, so it was never a problem.  My ex ran a nightclub, that meant pretty much there was a 10 hour gap in every show day in which she was doing busy running a nightclub to deal with anything else.  I used to teach, am I supposed to answer during a lecture?  Perhaps when I'm up focusing lights, or dealing with the band, or changing sets?

And one of the first things I do when I get to work is put my phone on the charger on my desk, so it's not even going to be a problem.  I'm already on a radio with everyone else, that quite enough people talking in my ear.  I'll call when I know she is not at work and I have time.

In this case, a text - sent while he was on his way to work - saying: Do a good job honey, I'm sure you will, would be perfect.  Matter of fact in any real business situation a text is always more suitable than a call, you can casually glance at it without really having to pay attention or instantly respond and ignore everyone else around you.

Tekla two phone calls that's it, one with her being aware that his presentation would be over. 

Sure Sara is wrapped up in him completely and shouldn't be because that is not healthy, BUT she does her work what else do you want from her?  Blood?  There's no proof she's not doing her job to an excellent standard.  In fact she might be fantastic at her job!  This level of empathy for another might translate to general empathy for everyone she interacts with. 

With empathy one does need to realise one is as important as others.

Taking care of oneself is a vital part of being able to take care of others, and taking care of oneself requires recieving care too.

Right pair of nutters. Deserve each other. (said in East End accent)

He's cheatiiiiiiiiiiing! Or not.

Keywords: soap, cheating scumbag, crazy bitch, north dakota, dynamite, divorce, closet, eww, love scene.


Contrary to what the title of that book implies, I don't think it was intended to be marketed for men.

From some of the reviews of the book:

Bunch of BS.

The book read like a collection of COSMO articles on insecure, needy, emotionally fragile women. I find it difficult to believe women are like what was presented in the book, and if they are, would you really want others, including men, to know about it?   Maybe there was some substance, but the writing style ruined "the message".

This book is based on the author's very stereotypical views of both the male and female genders.

It is thinly disguised book to help men understand women; rather it points out all the flaws of men and their inability to understand woman and continually states that woman have no flaws and are not responsible for any problems that typically happen in relationships.

The author obviously has had several bad relationships and has failed at each one... The author seems to be a control fiend with a superiority complex.

And the winner is:
This book makes you long for the days when men lived in longhouses separate from women, and occasionally got prettied up to go visit the girls.

He was obviously distracted and more important things on his mind at the moment.

Yeah, there was a pretty clear non-understanding of what a 'presentation' is in a real business.  It's not like kindergarten where you get up, do your show and tell and sit down.  In real business a presentation more like foreplay, it is to get the ball rolling and the real work comes after your done when you get down to either trying to implement what you said, or defend it.

Quote from: tekla on April 30, 2011, 10:56:28 AM
Yeah, there was a pretty clear non-understanding of what a 'presentation' is in a real business.  It's not like kindergarten where you get up, do your show and tell and sit down.  In real business a presentation more like foreplay, it is to get the ball rolling and the real work comes after your done when you get down to either trying to implement what you said, or defend it.

Uh huh. I remember presentations being roughly 30 minutes of 2 hour long meetings.  I could. not. wait. to get the heck out of that office and be by myself out in the warehouse.

Not only that, I would never answer my phone at work. If I called you from work it was to make sure that some business got handled. If I had to answer my phone I ran the risk of (and actually have!) breaking my hand, or my foot, or twisting wrong and having a debilitating back spasm, and then you would need to come get me because I refuse to pay for an ambulance that would cost the company thousands more than they already drop in their $600 a month contribution to my family's half a**ed "full coverage."

If I'm at work I'm working. Don't you ever, ever, ever call me unless my baby is in trouble. I miss having a decent job

QuoteSara who is dating Joseph describes her typical day.

Yeah, I was wondering what kind of person has to do a presentation on a "typical" day.

what kind of person has to do a presentation on a "typical" day.

People in sales, for one.

Two couples in the late 30s, Bob and Marcy & Frank and Susan who have been friends for years decide to go on a five day Canoeing and camping holiday.


The plan is that the two couples will spend the first two days together, then the women will go off on their own and so will the men.  They plan to meet up again on the fifth day.

This is what happened on the fifth day.

Marcy and Susan have been at the rendezvous for about an hour when Bob and Frank arrive.    Marcy notices that Bob, her husband, and Frank,Susan's husband, aren't saying anything to each other.   Also they appear not to be looking at one another.

The action takes places in Bob &Marcy's car just after saying goodbye to Frank and Susan.

Marcy: So did you and Frank have fun?

Bob: Yeah we had a pretty good time.  We really bonded.

Marcy is a little surprised as she thought the two men cool and distant from each other when they arrived at the meet-up point.     However, Marcy is pleased that Bob bonded with Frank as he doesn't really have any male friends.

Marcy: So what did you guys talk about?

Bob: Oh this and that you know?    Frank gave me some great Stock market tips and he is thinking of quitting his job and starting up on his own.  Oh and we talked about all those great Saturday morning serials we used to watch at the local cinema.  Oh and of course baseball.

Marcy is surprised at this.  This is NOT bonding to her.   She feels sure that Bob is holding something back.

Marcy: Didn't Frank tell you that he and Susan are thinking of divorcing?

Bob: No he never said anything about that.

Marcy: Well he must of  talked about his dad's failing health?   Susan is really worried about her father-in-law she is close to him.

Bob is getting a little defensive, he feels somewhat under cross examination.

Bob:  Marcy, Frank never mentioned his father the whole two days.

Marcy is really puzzled even alarmed.  This is disturbing to her and she can't keep her shock out of her voice.

Marcy:  Bob are you sure, really sure Frank never mentioned these things to you?   Think hard now.

Bob: Yes Marcy I am sure.  Quit giving me the third degree!

Marcy: Bob this is just baffling to me!    Susan told me that their daughter Abby needs a serious eye operation, don't tell me that Frank didn't talk about that?!

Bob: Marcy where are you getting all this information?

Marcy(utterly exasperated):  Bob!  From Susan who did you think?!

Bob tries to change the subject.

Bob: So, um, err, what did you girls get up to on those two days alone?

Marcy: Susan talked about her upcoming divorce.  That took up most of day one.   At night we talked about her father-in-law's health.  Bob she is really sacred for him.  On the last day we talked about Abby's major operation.    I just can't believe that Frank never said a word about any of these things?!!

Bob is more annoyed by Marcy's questioning that he is by Frank's lack of disclosure about personal matters.

Marcy is thinking whatever Bob and Frank got up to it was most definitely not bonding!!   Men really are an alien species thinks Marcy.


What do you make of this?    Do you think Frank and Bob were bonding as they said?    Why do you think that Frank never said anything about his divorce, his father's failing health or his daughter's operation?   Did you identify with Marcy or Bob?   If so please state your reason(s).   Thanks. 

About both, I think, 'I'm glad my relationships are with real people and i have a certain amount of experience in communicating with real people so I don't need to get quite so het up and can just enjoy those relationships in all there sinewy mess.'