so much about the stuff we antagonize over all the time? do they really care if our shoulders are broader, our waist is not the smallest, and we don't have the fullest hips? or if we aren't 5'4 and shorter?

I think maybe a lot of people have enough worries in their own life to be all that concerned about someone else's. A lot of the time, when I'm walking down the street, I barely notice other people if I'm deep in thought (right up until the "ouch, excuse me" moment, anyway).

However I'm not sure the reason for the stress about such things is because of the notion that other people will pick up on differences, but because we sometimes use other people as a mirror, and it's actually ourselves we're trying to convince. People are their own worst critic.

Agree with Sephira; no most people do not care. Today I went down town to pick up a painting. I was in my androgynous mode, Slacks and blouse, medium heels. I have no breast but a pretty fem face and hair. When i enter the store, this big man said: "can I help you ma'am" I asked him for my painting. The we chatted after paintings. Once I open my mouth there is no doubt that "Pavarotti" is no a lady. In any case not a pip.

I have found that when I am shopping for something feminine, if I don't care about others they don't give me a second thought, so I think not if they do not have any emotional ties to us. If someone does have emotional ties to us then yes they probably will & as most of us already know their disapproval will most likely be unpleasant.

Randi

 
To the original post... I would say, no, people don't really care.

I mean, I'm sure there are some people that may actively look for these things for whatever reason, but most people are more worried about their own imperfections, like their own heights, builds, and things. And even those that aren't preoccupied with their own difficulties probably won't look twice at others' imperfections... After all, everyone has them.

I'm not sure if there's any benefit to worrying about what we see as faults. If they are things that can be changed, then the worry is there to remind us to fix the fault... but worrying about the things that cannot be changed is just something to work around, so that the concern can be refocused on more important things, like working on being better as a person, and developing traits such as patience, adaptability, compassion, and others.

I would be paraphrasing, but a wise man once said, "What has worry ever profitted a man?" It's a simple question, but when we look at how the worry is benefitting us, we can realize that worry is a silly thing.

... I try to apply that to my own journey. I do worry about it, and I'm a little afraid of what may happen at times, but I realize the value of being able to move ahead without fear, and accept whatever may come my way -things will probably happen, and they might be unpleasant, but I will just have to deal with it, and do so with as much grace and tact as I can find inside.

(Of course, there's a difference between worry and contingency-planning. Definitely don't rush ahead without a plan for the not-so-good-case scenarios.)

... Just my thoughts. You know, sometimes I feel like these replies get rambly and nonsensical... I just hope I contributed. 

Like Sephirah said, we're definitely our own worst critics.  I've been stressing lately about how I need to schedule another laser appointment because I can't even hide my upper lip with makeup, yet had to spend five minutes on Sunday night convincing a clerk at the grocery store that I was the person on my license.  I even dropped to my boy voice and she wouldn't believe me.  So... boy voice, dark upper lip, tiny breasts, and I still passed with someone standing two feet from me and who was critically analyzing every feature.

Yeah, we see more about ourselves than others do.

I transitioned 2nd semester of my first year of college. In front of everyone-students and proffessors of all kinds, as well as everyone else in the town I go to school. No one cares. I've recieved little to no negative feedback. If your worrying yourself about what people are going to think, stop it. You're wasting your energy just making yourself worried sick. No point!

I've been full time for about three months now. Went full time before Estrogen even. No, people don't really care. Even in the early days most of the time people were just going about their business around me and didn't even notice or care.

I think if you try and stick out, short skirt and high heels that make you 6'5" you'll get more attention. But if you're sensible and just act like everyone else - then everyone else seems to not care.

I think the real question is whether people intentionally avoid you if you don't pass instead of simply being indifferent to it

Quote from: Madelyn on June 02, 2011, 09:08:15 PM
I think if you try and stick out, short skirt and high heels that make you 6'5" you'll get more attention. But if you're sensible and just act like everyone else - then everyone else seems to not care.

I'm 6'2" in my heels, but I like to think I wear it well...   That said, I only wear them on special occasions and I wear them with all the confidence I can muster.  Confidence plays a big role in passing and throws people off the little things they may otherwise notice.

Quote from: Zoë Natasha on June 02, 2011, 09:37:05 PM
I'm 6'2" in my heels, but I like to think I wear it well...   That said, I only wear them on special occasions and I wear them with all the confidence I can muster.  Confidence plays a big role in passing and throws people off the little things they may otherwise notice.

You look really pretty in your avatar Zoe 

Quote from: Jameve on June 02, 2011, 09:44:36 PM
You look really pretty in your avatar Zoe 

Agreed.

Aw, thanks you two!  You'd think otherwise if you saw me without half an hour's worth of makeup.

Personally I don't think most people care much at all.

Most women are probably thinking along the same lines as me when I see a GG.  "Nice boots. Wish I had her boobs. Wonder where she got that jacket etc."

As for the rest they are probably so wrapped up in their own concerns that most of the people they pass don't even register unless they really stand out.

Most people don't care, even when they say they do.  They are taught that's the appropriate thing to say.  Trouble is, those that do care, care way too much.

From the straight perspective I do think that you all are your worst critics. Probably just self conscience. I don't mean to offend with this. It's just how it seems to me.
Out of all the straight guys and gals I intermingle with in a busy store the only ones that have ever said anything are the ones that are so insecure that they have to find a reason to put down everybody.
Mostly, we just don't notice.
Sorry if I offended anyone.

Quote from: Del on June 03, 2011, 03:35:53 AM
From the straight perspective I do think that you all are your worst critics. Probably just self conscience. I don't mean to offend with this. It's just how it seems to me.
Out of all the straight guys and gals I intermingle with in a busy store the only ones that have ever said anything are the ones that are so insecure that they have to find a reason to put down everybody.
Mostly, we just don't notice.
Sorry if I offended anyone.

The only ones who have ever said anything about what Del?  Hearing you say you have 'The straight perspective' when no-one has mentioned sexuality, add in you're not 'a transgender but you're not judgemental either'.  You're saying transwomen are gay men, completely out of order.

I think it's fair to allow Del the right of reply on that one, Lexia. I'm not sure he meant what you think he meant. It may have just been worded wrongly.

Sephirah I too wasn't sure as he was also complimentary to everyone   Claiming that 'straight perspective' and his tag line.... I actually his claims ludicrous to be honest haha

Del claiming your 'straight persepective' is what an unsure 23 year old does   I'm looked up to by many men, and the same will be after this transition.  It's called the adult pespective

Lets not get overly sensitive.  I think we are beginning to overreact to minor statements.

We need to give people the benefit of the doubt and not jump down each others throats.