Some days I'm on cloud nine, feeling beautiful and happy as can be. then other days I seem to hit rock bottom and I feel as though I will never make it to the finish line. I know that its a long process and I should have patience, I just can't help it sometimes. Every women I see I am intensely jealous of and I generally feel miserable. Do any of you girls go through this? How do you get past it?

EDIT:
This typically happens roughly twice a week and I have no issues with my job, or friends/ family (they all support me totally).

This seems to affect all of us, no matter what your status is or what you look like... there doesn't seem to be much getting around it.  For me, it's not so much jealousy of other women, it's just I feel like I don't fit in with them sometimes.  Honestly, a big part of me hates most women, because a lot seem so fake and superficial... it makes me think to myself, what am I doing?  Yesterday in the bathroom I was washing my hands beside some girl who was all done up,  really loud, obnoxious, fake acting... and I'm in a sweatshirt with no makeup and hadn't brushed my hair... and I got sorta depressed thinking "what am i doing here..." 
I much prefer the company of men, they seem genuine, fun, exciting... and it gets me depressed at times because I think to myself that I use to be just one of the guys.  However, now I'm usually the lone girl in a group of guys... and although it's fun, I miss that interaction we use to have (the interaction where there isn't flirting or sexual tension involved).   I think about this all the time, and it always makes me want to go backwards.  In fact, if you search back a few months ago, i had a big thread on detransitioning because I actually was going to go backwards. 
In regards to feeling jealous of other women... it's easy to focus on a feature some girl has that you consider superior to yours... you can find one on just about every girl.  However, you most likely have a feature that they would be jealous of, or a whole bunch of them =)

  I know the feeling you describe... You're walking along, having a good day when you see another woman who's just stunning. Your thoughts? "Damn! I wish I looked that good."

  This feeling isn't unique to transwomen; XX and XY women both feel it all the time. I think it's primal, really.... men have their strength and status to show, women have their appearance. It's natural to want to look attractive and when we see someone that's so, we naturally want to be like them.

  I found that all of us have unique characteristics that we tend not to see in ourselves... we're our worst critics and are the first to point out our flaws. Look in the mirror. Find something that you really like... anything... and make the choice to love that part. I love my eyes. I've been told by XX women that they would KILL for my blue eyes.. So I wear light cosmetics to bring them out... and get complimented on them often. Really.... it's something we all do. What makes it fun, sometimes, is that women are allowed to talk about it.. A woman walking up to another and saying, "Oh my god, I just love your hair," is perfectly acceptable. Men doing that are liable to get assaulted.

   Vanna,   It took about a year of living, "as me" before I was comfortable enough to stand in the ladies room, primping my hair with the rest. They're not being fake.... they're just doing what they do...  That doesn't mean that you're any less of a girl. Personally, I never enjoyed being around guys but that's just me... I guess it's something that you'll have to figure out... But don't assume that a sweatshirt and unbrushed hair makes one any less female.... or that you don't belong there just because you don't look the way they do... it just makes you a different type of person, regardless of gender.

   So many think that being trans is all about wearing dresses and doing your hair and wearing makeup.... Yeah, women do those things but what would you be without them? If all your clothes and makeup were taken away would you still be a woman? Only you can answer that. :-)

Quote from: VannaSiamese on June 02, 2011, 11:39:00 PM
This seems to affect all of us, no matter what your status is or what you look like... there doesn't seem to be much getting around it.  For me, it's not so much jealousy of other women, it's just I feel like I don't fit in with them sometimes.  Honestly, a big part of me hates most women, because a lot seem so fake and superficial... it makes me think to myself, what am I doing?  Yesterday in the bathroom I was washing my hands beside some girl who was all done up,  really loud, obnoxious, fake acting... and I'm in a sweatshirt with no makeup and hadn't brushed my hair... and I got sorta depressed thinking "what am i doing here..." 
I much prefer the company of men, they seem genuine, fun, exciting... and it gets me depressed at times because I think to myself that I use to be just one of the guys.  However, now I'm usually the lone girl in a group of guys... and although it's fun, I miss that interaction we use to have (the interaction where there isn't flirting or sexual tension involved).   I think about this all the time, and it always makes me want to go backwards.  In fact, if you search back a few months ago, i had a big thread on detransitioning because I actually was going to go backwards. 
In regards to feeling jealous of other women... it's easy to focus on a feature some girl has that you consider superior to yours... you can find one on just about every girl.  However, you most likely have a feature that they would be jealous of, or a whole bunch of them =)

You can still do all the same things you did when you were physically male as a girl.  Maybe you can talk to your guy friends about dialing back the sexual tension.  Girls can be one of the "guys" too.  It is a bit of a double standard for women.  If you are a girl, then you are a girl.  There is nothing that you can do about it.  Maybe you just need to hang around with other females that aren't so concerned with primping. 

Quote from: JessicaR on June 03, 2011, 04:16:29 AM
  I know the feeling you describe... You're walking along, having a good day when you see another woman who's just stunning. Your thoughts? "Damn! I wish I looked that good."

  This feeling isn't unique to transwomen; XX and XY women both feel it all the time. I think it's primal, really.... men have their strength and status to show, women have their appearance. It's natural to want to look attractive and when we see someone that's so, we naturally want to be like them.

  I found that all of us have unique characteristics that we tend not to see in ourselves... we're our worst critics and are the first to point out our flaws. Look in the mirror. Find something that you really like... anything... and make the choice to love that part. I love my eyes. I've been told by XX women that they would KILL for my blue eyes.. So I wear light cosmetics to bring them out... and get complimented on them often. Really.... it's something we all do. What makes it fun, sometimes, is that women are allowed to talk about it.. A woman walking up to another and saying, "Oh my god, I just love your hair," is perfectly acceptable. Men doing that are liable to get assaulted.

   Vanna,   It took about a year of living, "as me" before I was comfortable enough to stand in the ladies room, primping my hair with the rest. They're not being fake.... they're just doing what they do...  That doesn't mean that you're any less of a girl. Personally, I never enjoyed being around guys but that's just me... I guess it's something that you'll have to figure out... But don't assume that a sweatshirt and unbrushed hair makes one any less female.... or that you don't belong there just because you don't look the way they do... it just makes you a different type of person, regardless of gender.

   So many think that being trans is all about wearing dresses and doing your hair and wearing makeup.... Yeah, women do those things but what would you be without them? If all your clothes and makeup were taken away would you still be a woman? Only you can answer that. :-)

Maybe the women in the bathroom were primping too much.  No one can really know for sure.  Primping in the bathroom isn't just a woman's thing either.  I lived with a step brother for awhile and he took forever in the bathroom.  He would carry around a come in his pocket and didn't want people to touch his hair at all.  Some people go overboard with their looks.   I don't see Vanna's comment saying she is not trans because she feel the need to be pretty.  I see her statement as saying that she likes some things about her old life and would like to continue to enjoy them.   

Quote from: lauren3332 on June 03, 2011, 10:38:18 AM
Maybe the women in the bathroom were primping too much.  No one can really know for sure.  Primping in the bathroom isn't just a woman's thing either.  I lived with a step brother for awhile and he took forever in the bathroom.  He would carry around a come in his pocket and didn't want people to touch his hair at all.  Some people go overboard with their looks.   I don't see Vanna's comment saying she is not trans because she feel the need to be pretty.  I see her statement as saying that she likes some things about her old life and would like to continue to enjoy them.

You completely understand the dilemma I am having =)
I understand that primping is something that a lot of girls do in the bathroom, when I dress up I do the same... but in regards to conversation, how they present themselves, how they act around other girls... there is a lot of ingenious undertone.  I get the feeling in conversation that a lot of other women could care less about the answers to the questions they are asking me, or that their compliments are contrived by the tone of their voice, that their body language suggest the only thing on their minds is themselves.  I don't get that feeling around guys... around guys I don't feel any need or desire to wear makeup, to dress cute, to engage in meaningless conversation... I feel as if they see me for who I am no matter what the appearance, whereas I feel judged by other women... This particular issue isn't trans related at all... it's just part of being a woman, a part that I hate. 

I've been using the women's bathroom for years, and it's finally occurred to me that I will always have similar feelings when I'm around them.  A big part of me is jealous that I can't enter the men's bathroom anymore... even though it was significantly more disgusting in terms of hygiene, I don't feel like i may be judged there for my lack of primping, my weight (which is something I've had quite a few women scowl at me and say... girl you are so skinny), or overall concern about my appearance.

So you are completely right, there are some major aspects of my old life that I miss... which was the basis for me almost detransitioning a couple of months ago.  I'd be lying if I didn't say I still think about detransitioning everyday =(  If I thought I could make the switch without so much work, I would be more inclined to do it... but my face was already female before transitioning and a lot of people just thought I was a lesbian... but now after FFS and laser hair removal, I just don't see how I could pass as male with my face.   I guess that's a major part of my dilemma too, is that at a lot of times I feel stuck... and then again, a lot of times I feel like I should just get SRS and then I will have to force myself away from this ambivalence.
Sorry for slightly altering the flow of this topic =P

Well, the good news is this is just a phase.  That's how it was for me and that's how it is for most of the TSs I know.  Sure, if we don't achieve a completely passable physical self (body, face, voice, et al) we're going to have those days when we wish it wasn't do damn hard.  But for the most part, the majority of that jealousy, anxiety and dysphoria fade once you are as far as you can or want to go in your transition.

I am by no means where I'd like to be, the voice being the biggest problem, but I get by.  Even though I wish I could more easily blend into the female world, I'm okay with how things turned out.  It's a heck of a lot better than it was.

Quote from: Julie Marie on June 03, 2011, 12:07:47 PM
Well, the good news is this is just a phase.  That's how it was for me and that's how it is for most of the TSs I know.  Sure, if we don't achieve a completely passable physical self (body, face, voice, et al) we're going to have those days when we wish it wasn't do damn hard.  But for the most part, the majority of that jealousy, anxiety and dysphoria fade once you are as far as you can or want to go in your transition.

I am by no means where I'd like to be, the voice being the biggest problem, but I get by.  Even though I wish I could more easily blend into the female world, I'm okay with how things turned out.  It's a heck of a lot better than it was.

I am so scared of never being okay with how things turn out. I just wish I knew the destination so I could sit back and enjoy the ride.

Quote from: VannaSiamese on June 03, 2011, 11:41:20 AM
You completely understand the dilemma I am having =)
I understand that primping is something that a lot of girls do in the bathroom, when I dress up I do the same... but in regards to conversation, how they present themselves, how they act around other girls... there is a lot of ingenious undertone.  I get the feeling in conversation that a lot of other women could care less about the answers to the questions they are asking me, or that their compliments are contrived by the tone of their voice, that their body language suggest the only thing on their minds is themselves.  I don't get that feeling around guys... around guys I don't feel any need or desire to wear makeup, to dress cute, to engage in meaningless conversation... I feel as if they see me for who I am no matter what the appearance, whereas I feel judged by other women... This particular issue isn't trans related at all... it's just part of being a woman, a part that I hate. 

I've been using the women's bathroom for years, and it's finally occurred to me that I will always have similar feelings when I'm around them.  A big part of me is jealous that I can't enter the men's bathroom anymore... even though it was significantly more disgusting in terms of hygiene, I don't feel like i may be judged there for my lack of primping, my weight (which is something I've had quite a few women scowl at me and say... girl you are so skinny), or overall concern about my appearance.

So you are completely right, there are some major aspects of my old life that I miss... which was the basis for me almost detransitioning a couple of months ago.  I'd be lying if I didn't say I still think about detransitioning everyday =(  If I thought I could make the switch without so much work, I would be more inclined to do it... but my face was already female before transitioning and a lot of people just thought I was a lesbian... but now after FFS and laser hair removal, I just don't see how I could pass as male with my face.   I guess that's a major part of my dilemma too, is that at a lot of times I feel stuck... and then again, a lot of times I feel like I should just get SRS and then I will have to force myself away from this ambivalence.
Sorry for slightly altering the flow of this topic =P

I am on youtube by the way.  I don't have videos, but if you want to hit me up with a message, feel free to message me. 

http://www.youtube.com/user/TSlauren?feature=mhee

HUGS!!!!