Granted, she leaves you and now the mess is entirely yours making her not messy.

I wish that all of my student loans were paid.

Granted, but then the cheque bounced, and the Fraud Squad want to play 20 questions.

I wish that my breast forms would stop trying to fall out of my bra.

Granted. They don't try and fall out of your bra, they succeed in falling out of your bra.

I wish my earbuds would stop breaking after 2 months of use!

Granted, now they are always broken when you buy them, so now they're useless from the start. 

I wish I never had to go through the ordeal of carrying my heavy ass woodshop project home just now. -.-

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on June 01, 2011, 03:40:48 PM
Granted, now they are always broken when you buy them, so now they're useless from the start. 

Well, at least I can take them back right away. 

Quote from: ~RoadToTrista~ on June 01, 2011, 03:40:48 PM
I wish I never had to go through the ordeal of carrying my heavy ass woodshop project home just now. -.-

Granted. You had to go through the ordeal of carrying your even more heavy ass metalshop project home.

I wish I would find $100 on the ground as soon as I walk outside my door.

Granted, but then this cop sees you pick it up, and since it was technically outside your house, he goes "RAWR THAT'S THEFT!!!" and then he puts it in his pocket and sends you to jail for like 2 hours cause he's new didn't know what else to do with you.

I wish I had a pony! That shot deadly laser beams out of it's eyes.

Granted, but it shoots laser beams at you whenever you try to ride it.

I wish I can lose over 100 pounds.

Granted, you move to the UK and lose your wallet.

I wish the rotten headache I have had all day would go and infest a Family First Senator instead!

Granted; the rotten headache dissolves only to be replaced by a fresh headache.

I wish ... for ... a shrubbery!!!!

Granted, but the shrubbery continues to say NI! all through the night, annoying you and any houseguests you would have in the future.

I wish I had not gotten the reference.

Granted; you didn't get the reference, therefore my wish goes uncorrupted... er.... thanks.

Anyone else wanna corrupt my shrubbery?

Erm... okay...

I'll grant your wish, but it's a Shrubbery from Northrend... far far away from Zangarmarsh... and too cold to do anything with other than stare blankly at it.

I wish my knee didn't itch. >.<

(SHRUBBERY!!!) 

Anyway...
Granted, your butt itches instead.

I wish I was playing paintball right now.

Granted, but you are caught in the open with no paint left!

I wish the wine cask wasn't so empty!

Granted: while you weren't looking someone topped it off with water thinking you'd never notice.

I wish my fingernails would stop tearing and splitting so easily.

Granted. They are now as hard as steel and have to be cut with an angle grinder.
I wish it would stop raining and blowing a gale so I can paint outside.

Granted, but you find out that all of the siding has blown off your house.  You have to put up new ones and spend your time painting that instead of something fun.

I wish for a hug.

Granted. However, you find yourself in the middle of a sumo wrestlers convention on free-hug day.

I wish I had a better job.

Granted. You have a better job, but the increase in pay is less than the increase in your tax.
I wish 60 second drying nail polish lasted more than a couple of days.

Granted: It lasts forever, and causes your fingers to rot away
I wish I could wake up tomorrow and have a man;s body (no joke but why not have fun with it?)