I tried very hard to give as much care and support to my mother, especially when the rest of the family quite openly abandoned her.
It was generally seen by them as me defying their orders to follow suit. This led to further negativity in what was left of my relationship with them.
It was further complicated because my mother's mental state had deteriorated to the extent that she was almost continually negative and aggressive toward everyone. She had no friends at all, (she was sociable, unlike me for example, so this was particularly difficult for her to deal with). She couldn't hold down any sort of work, and continually got into arguments with the Social Security and even a succession of GP, none of whom had the training, compassion or sensitivity to figure out what was actually wrong with her, or the humility to listen to me when I tried to point it out, even offering text references.
My mother actually had two separate disorders, Obsessive neurosis and Compulsive neurosis, plus an ongoing prescription drug addiction problem. I understand these are now referred to by any of a long list of 3 letter terms along with an army of people adding some of these to their ever extending list of things which they are suffering from in their curriculum vitae, and no doubt, several competing associations for sufferers, surfing around the net looking for members and a subscription fee.
She was evetually diagnosed by a psychiatrist who was consulting with me at the time. This was the psychiatrist who offered to assist me with transision. But I told her that the negligence of the medical community toward my mother was unacceptable and described her symptoms. I had to become particularly assertive with her, which surprised her to be honest.
A short while later, my mother was paid regular visits from a psychiatricaly trained social worker. She started to get better treatment from her GP and eventually was admitted into sheltered housing. She survived there for about 3 years, (I think, my memory is a bit hazy on that one), before she died. During her time there she was more settled and relaxed that I had ever known her.
But I do know what you have to sacrifice for your relatives and that it is essentially a thankless task. The motivation is, that it is the right thing to do. You and I both know that. That others don't is really their loss.
For my part, I may have given up quite a lot. I did. I can also say that some of the agrivation she gave me in that time was akin to the way a cat will poonce. She would seem quite relaxed and compassionate, then when I let my guard down, she would attack me personally, leaving me in tears at times. Even today, I find it difficult to do any housework with my wife around.
But it was the right thing to do, even if I did perhaps, put a bit too much into it than I should have.
