Susan's Place Logo

News:

Please be sure to review The Site terms of service, and rules to live by

Main Menu

Hey friends, how am I doing?

Started by MarinaM, June 05, 2011, 02:30:34 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

MarinaM

I need a feedback mechanism!:

I'm full time at college, full time at part time job, full time socially... My view has proven elastic, I can survive all kinds of (il)logical garbage thrown at me, and for some awesome reason I'm a little larger in life as a girl - I can even handle being read without distress.

80% of my time away from home is spent as Em, %40 at home (weird huh? home - boy, away - girl), I'm wondering whether to apply for better jobs presenting as I intend to - the well being of my tiny family is at stake, you know.

I still have to shave twice a day, and I'm working towards my goals again as well.

So, do you think I've progressed at a reasonable clip? When I showed up back in Dec / Jan I was pretty much all "boy" all the time. Should I do something different? I plan to go completely full time in January, after hair removal. What more should I do?
  •  

Jenna_Nicole105

You seem to be moving at a pretty good clip Em, I could only wish to be moving at your speed.

I would wait for those who are full time to respond in terms of the job situation, as I obviously at this point can't relate.

All in all though I would be proud of your clip if I were you, moving right along.




Formerly known as Tiffany_Marie

On HRT since 7-27-2011 and feeling great!
  •  

Kim 526

Hi Emma, I don't post as often as I should. In your journey I wish you happiness and no bumps in your road. You seem to be a very bright woman with a lovely disposition and a strong love of family. May your progression bring you to a place where you are truly happy and at peace with your gender identity, wherever that may be.

The problems I encountered when beginning transition 12 years ago were in a large part due to undiagnosed bipolar disorder with a severe depressive component. The combination of my gender identity condition with bipolar disorder was almost deadly, as both were peaking simultaneously. As I grew my gender condition (dysphoria is kind of negative to me) was very much at the forefront, but my bipolar disorder had festered without the same awareness because the progression was so slow. Others could tell but I would not listen because I just took it as an attack on my gender issues and impending transition. Thanks to regular therapy and proper med maintenance, my mental health is fine now. My gender mosaic is at rest now and I am no longer in conflict.

Also: I quit smoking 31 days ago. No congratulations, I had no business smoking and it's over. But I've been on the nicotine patch and my dreams have been incredible. Awaking this morning I actually felt like applauding. These aren't nightmares. If you smoke, I urge you to quit, get the patch and wear it through the night. You'll have dreams you'll never forget for the rest of your life. And it's legal!!!

We all work so hard to deal with the issues due to our our transexuality. To shorten our lives by smoking after going through so much all our lives (childhood, family, friends, therapy, electro, transition, GRS just to mention a few) would be a shame. I just hope I haven't done any damage to my body from smoking that might manifest itself down the road. (tiptoeing down off the soap box...)

I hope to be a more regular poster here. There are many intelligent and motivated individuals here who are positive, inspiring, and who have been good online "company" to me over the months.

Love to all,

Kim
"Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak,
So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep."
  •  

Janet_Girl

Emma, you have started HRT, attend school, work, raise a really cutie, spend much of the time as your true self.  Full time and SRS are all that is left to do for transition.  The rest is called life.
  •  

kate durcal

Kim and Em,

You both get my admiration for your courage to be yourselves, and for your fight to better yourselves.

Em,

I have 4 kids, and when I saw you with your little one, it brought so many memories, it made me weep. Thanks for sharing.


We all transition at different speeds and times as our lives are so diverse, different cultures, times and countries.

Keep us posted, and all the best wishes to both of you,

Kate D
  •  

MarinaM

Yeah, the pace wavers. The progress quickens when I'm just living - not planning. So far this has been a strange plunge into reality, living a life uniquely my own.

No blueprints
No unrealistic expectations of my self
No thoughts of suicide or anxiety attacks
Pretty much a clean slate and the thrill of an eventual life on my own terms

It's odd to be in so much control.

  •  

Melody Maia

If I might be so bold, may I suggest the following: It doesn't matter what we think of your pace. It only matters what you think. Are you happier? Where do you want to go from here? How soon do you want it to happen? Only you can answer these. And remember, you might find that your transition starts dictating terms to you somewhere along your journey.
and i know that i'm never alone
and i know that my heart is my home
Every missing piece of me
I can find in a melody



O
  •  

MarinaM

You may be so bold!

I was just thinking...

Of how hard it would be to be FT at a FT job. 8 hours for your facial hair to re-grow and makeup to fall away makes for some interesting encounters, I'm certain. I need to serially zap my face.

I was just reading through the HRT something or other here and became concernicus. I have no problem with becoming physically female (well, really close - heck, pouty femme androgyne with T factories removed might work for me, HA!) - no problems with being as socially female as I can snatch away from biological pinning - but a small problem with the insanity that is psychotherapy, doctors trying to dissuade people with stories of transition failure (quoting %90 of people who self diagnose as wrong), and the DSM.

Dangit, I need a success story! I don't want to read anything more by some whackjob gatekeeper with a piece of paper floating above his head behind his desk trying to somehow prevent trans people from exploring who they are...

After 5 minutes typing this out and two days rambling, I think I've come to the conclusion that I'm having a pacing issue. I need more money!!!!
  •  

Kim 526

Hi Emma,

Just thought I'd chime in on this one. You may already be keenly aware of this, but I'll throw it out there anyway...

If there's a trans support group in your area, perhaps the folks there might be able to steer you toward helping professionals who are both a) experienced working with trans clients, and b) empathetic to our specific needs. It's been my experience that word-of-mouth references within the local community account for a substantial percentage of a transgender therapist's client base.

Take care, and once again best wishes to you in all aspects of your journey.

Kim
"Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak,
So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep."
  •  

Melody Maia

I haven't had any issue with my gatekeepers. They have helped me along, encouraged me and I already have a letter secured for my SRS. I haven't heard too many horror stories. However it is good advice to find out from the girls in your area who to go to for therapy, hormones etc.

As for beard, yes laser will greatly help, but hormones will also dramatically slow hair growth. Makeup shouldn't be an issue. You carry some with you in your purse and reapply as needed. That is one of the things ladies do when they go to the ladies room to "freshen up."

and i know that i'm never alone
and i know that my heart is my home
Every missing piece of me
I can find in a melody



O
  •  

MarinaM

Quote from: Melody Maia on June 07, 2011, 03:31:11 PM
I haven't had any issue with my gatekeepers. They have helped me along, encouraged me and I already have a letter secured for my SRS. I haven't heard too many horror stories. However it is good advice to find out from the girls in your area who to go to for therapy, hormones etc.

As for beard, yes laser will greatly help, but hormones will also dramatically slow hair growth. Makeup shouldn't be an issue. You carry some with you in your purse and reapply as needed. That is one of the things ladies do when they go to the ladies room to "freshen up."

I was confused, and then I read back. I was thinking, "Wait, I know all of this already...," and then I contextualized your response, and now:

Thanks!  :)

HRT has slowed my hair re-growth a little, but I think I have a couple more months to go before it stays coverable for a full 12 hours - it's dark and stiff. Also, regarding groups, the ones I've heard of around here are kinda depressing, or they do planning for events I don't have the time to attend. I'm at a point where things are looking up for me and I really just like to buzz around and be in my little fantasy world when not involved in school, work, or family (which leaves negative free time each day).
  •  

Jennie

Hi Emma, I think your an insperation and your doing great, keep being happy as "you" in your new life, the one you were meant to be born into.
Aloha.

Jennie
ho'omo'o kau Pu'uwai= Follow your heart
Na hona ho'opili= Live life happy
  •  

harisu4444

hi emma! i think you're doing just fine :D don't worry abt unnecessary stuff, live your life to the fullest and live to be the girl that you've always wanted to be :D
  •  

MarinaM

Thanks! I've been managing the roller coaster lately. This is an insane reality to manage  :)
  •  

Vicky

Being the old broad that I am,  maybe I can give an element of perspective.  I think you probably start itching on your beard before anyone else would ever see the rash (so to speak).  A girl that is closer to my age, looks like a reverse panda, with white eyes and a dark dark dark place on her chin and cheeks when in male mode, but she has found her special brand of beard cover (its actually good old Derma Blend) and while those of us "in the know" can see some signs of "rash" at about her 10Th hour, her other cues to the world are so female that no one sees it unless we know before hand.  She has had new girls (C and T) come up and compliment her on her complexion when the rest of us know she is starting to have beard itch, but she no longer feels it and goes on with life.  Worst case scenario is to have a small touch up kit in your purse, and some hand bags are big enough to hide a Norelco Razor.

The other perspective is that most people on a full time job come to bond with you in a fairly short period of time, and no longer look at you closely, or even if seeing, their work with you is more important than your facial follicularity.  I was letting my hair grow for my last two years of work, and no one noticed that the "boss" was looking a little strange and beyond shaggy, or they decided it did not affect our work relationship!!  (It was like that from my bosses too.)   When I did come out, the result was an OHH, but SO WHAT, you are doing a great job, why should we give a doggone?  Big issue will be as far as the job goes, that you will do it much better and be happier doing it, and that will make you a better worker.  The job will give you enough money to get the steel wool on your face removed.
I refuse to have a war of wits with a half armed opponent!!

Wiser now about Post Op reality!!
  •  

MarinaM

Thanks Vicky! I just ordered up some dermablend the other day based on you and Britney's recommendations :) I can't wait to give it a try!
  •