Hi

I am currently pacing around my office a little, trying to get the courage up to go and tell my older brother about my GID, and impending transition... He is a very loving and supportive person generally, but he recently lost his wife to cancer at just 33. I am nervous that he will think I am being selfish and throwing away my marriage and relationship, when he had his so cruelly taken from him. I have to tell him today as he is getting on a plane tomorrow to go and work overseas for 2 months, and given my current situation, things may have moved on by the time he gets back, and it is only fair to tell him face to face.

I have told all of my friends, but for various reasons I haven't found the right time to start telling the family. What with my sister in law having a very short and intense battle with cancer which sadly ended with her passing away in March, my mum is also waiting for the all clear from her second battle with breast cancer, so my family has been through the ringer quite a lot this year already, and I fear I am just adding to the stress, upset and upheaval. I know this is a positive thing for me, and I am determined for them to see it like that, but I cant help but be scared s**tless.

I know (or am pretty sure) that the whole family will be supportive, but this feels like the biggest step so far. Far more so than the GP or telling my friends etc, and even more so than telling my wife.

I keep telling myself that once this bit is over, it's all plain sailing... until the next obstacle..!

Hmmm.

Amy.x

Maybe - or maybe they can see it the other way, which is that in the face of all that impermanence and loss, it's important for you to get to live your lives as you need to, and to get to be yourselves, while life is with you. Death actually often opens people's hearts, you may be happily surprised.

I really hope it goes well for you both xx

To be frank Any, if yiu look anything like your photo, I'm pretty sure he will already have figured it out.

But in any case, I suggest you don't try to make an issue of it, mention it is passing. Given his current emotional state, I dount he wants to be botherd with many more problems. If you don't treat it as such, I doubt he will either.

Amy,

One does not have anything to do with the other.  Marriage can end without regards to life's situations.  Good luck with your brother and pass along my sympathies at his loss.

Hi

So I went to see him, and it was all absolutely fine. We talked about general stuff, his new laptop,
the fact that he hadn't packed for his trip yet, my gender dysphoria and upcoming clinic appointment,
what he was going to do with his car whilst he is away and the job he has been offered when he gets back.
It really was just part of the conversation. He hardly batted any eyelid. His general opinion was that you
can't ignore things and bury your head in the sand as life is too short, and if this is something that i need to
do, then he is completely supportive.

We then hugged, promised to let each other know what was going on in each others worlds whilst he is away,
and that was that.

First family member told, 3 more to go... :-)

A.x

Ace .

  I'm glad it worked out fine.  Good luck with the other 3.

Congrats, hope it goes the same for you (maybe even better) with the rest of the fam!

Hi Folks

It has been a while since i have posted and updated things, so...

I have had 'the conversation' with my parents, which was surprisingly straight forwards. They were a little surprised, but totally cool with it, and are mainly just concerned for my happiness and wellbeing. My Mum was great, and we had a really long talk about it all, and even my Dad was quite upbeat and positive about it. Going to see my little brother this evening, but I know he will be fine too, and that will be the whole immediate family done!

My wife and I seem to have come to an agreement that we are both happy with too. We have needed to move house for a while as we have a daughter now and have outgrown our 1 bed place. Given what is going on with my transition, the relationship has changed somewhat(!), but we are going to move house together as a family and take it from there. My wife feels that she wants to support my transition any way she can, and also keep some kind of routine in our day to day lives, especially where our daughter is concerned. We have discussed the likely probability of divorce, but as a positive thing which will allow us both to have some personal freedom and ease the pressure our relationship has been under since my coming out. So it looks like we will move to a 3 bed place, live as a family (albeit an unconventional one) in separate bedrooms, and ultimately as divorcees. It might work, it might not, but we are both committed to giving it the best chance and seeing what happens. We both still love each other a great deal, and she has been really understanding and supportive, but we are also both aware that our needs and ambitions are not entirely conducive to remaining a couple. My sexuality has always been quite fluid, but her's isn't and whilst she has no problem with me transitioning, she isn't gay and can't get her head around being married to another woman. You never know, time may change that, or may affirm it even more, but as long as we are talking about it and going in to this with our hearts and minds open, that is about as much as we can both hope for.

And I have a flurry of appointments over the next week or so too... Back to the laser clinic for my next facial hair removal, consultation at the andrology clinic for sperm freezing and storage, another one for blood tests, back to andrology to make a 'deposit', and most importantly my second appointment with the gender clinic which will hopefully result in my hormone prescription! Hurray!

As they say, you wait for a bus for ages, then 3 come along at once... :-)

Still haven't heard anything back from the NHS though...! Oh well.

Amy.x

I like reading stories of accepting people. I'm glad this part is going well for you and hope that it continues to do so.  I hope you treasure that wife of yours for giving it her best effort.