OMG that was so gross. >.> Can I post it here?

I'm a bit worried, I took it better than the last time I saw it. Last time I felt this stressed feeling in my testicles, it didn't like the idea of castration, I didn't feel that this time. Now I'm kind of worried that I've influenced my body somehow to be transsexual. >.> Or maybe it's increased estrogen in my body somehow, or I didn't think about it as much. Is this normal? I want to have the surgery, but for sexual reasons, I have a ghost vagina during my sexual fantasies, it may just be in my head. I don't have some grudge against my genitals like other transgirls do. Is that normal? I heard some people feel that way until they go on hrt.

for every horror story there are a hundred billion success stories! give or take a thousand or so! xP

I've found these days I can't stomach certain types of movies. I never could handle horror but now I'm really bad with thrillers, edge-of-the-seat and anything with torture etc. I'm just not as resilient against it. I'd say it's from estrogen heightening my emotions and empathy. *shrugs*.

  I didn't have dreams or fantasies of a 'ghost vagina' or anything like that.  I had dreams of breast feeding though.  I do not have any animosity toward my male gonads, but if i feel like having a vagina as I do now, the jewels will be removed and the rest will be modified with some sadness.  With my age and financial situation, this is not going to happen. 
  Joelene