So sorry to hear it girl =( I lost my parents as well but thankfully I was able to stand on my own two feet. If I'd transitioned earlier in life, that may not have been the case.

I hope you can make it through.

grats on getting your car back!

i'm glad to hear things are starting to sort out for you

Oy, the car is a big deal I think. If worst comes to worst plenty of people live in their cars, a small number even do it voluntarily because they like the extra time or spending money. But you should be able to find somewhere.

Congratulations on all that though. I am very glad to hear it.

Congrats, it's great to hear that things came together! Nothing like being made to wait till the last bloody minute for fate to finally pull it's head out of it's arse huh?

That's a good plan.  Exposure to new stuff, new places, new atmospheres and climates is always excellent.  What did Jimmy Buffet say?  Changes in latitude, changes in attitude.  He was right.

You inspire and motivate me.

i remember the first time i ran away from home. I was down on baltimore pike in a town west of phila and baltimore pike was the main road route 1 from maine to florida. The baltimore pike section went from phila to baltimore. It was around 1963 and i was 8 yrs old. I was standing at the candybar, an ice-cream shoppe. There was a family inside eating ice cream. I saw they had maryland liscense plates and i remember once my dad drove me there to eat soft shell crabs at the cheesley's house. Old fred cheesly. Anyway i saw the family come out of the shoppe so i said my family was here but they left me behind. I said i was one of 7 and they must have missed me loading up. They asked where i lived and i said maryland. They allowed me to get in their car. Then after 2 hours driving they wanted the phone number to my house. I kept saying i foget. Eventually when we crossed the big river into maryland i mentioned that i actually lived in Pa but wanted to go to maryland. Oh boy were they mad. They then called my Mom and she told them to drop me off at a aunts house there. I had a blast making dragsters with old plastic model car parts. My neighbor was al graber who had a funny car called tickle me pink so i knew what a dragster looked like.

The second time i ran away i went to the poconos and worked at a NJ Y camp for jewish kids. I washed dishes. Funny thing is i told them i was born june 31st and there are only 30 days in june. I lied to say i was 16 but i was 14. I lived all summer at the camp. We then hitchhiked up the NY state thruway but it was closed down due to the rock festival woodstock. So we went back and watched the landing on the moon.

Then when i was 15 i left for good. I hitched all over the USA. I lived at salvation armys. Many times they were in the guest rooms of volunteer families in small towns around the usa. Most of the time i was sleeping under bridges or in the woods off the roads. back then they didn't have interstate highways. It was all small back roads. It was fun. There were veterans and hippies and others all over hitching. That was the vietnam era. I was young so i got good rides and people would sometimes buy me a meal saying they had a child out there somewhere and hoped someone would feed them. I later joined the USMC but then left by 1974 the week nixon resigned.

Well those were a few times on the roads. Oh i did hitch as a female in 2004 to calif from Pa and thru oregon back to NY. Much much harder then. But many were christians and wanted me safe. I had a large pack and a tent.

ok back to your story er future travels 

i'd never listen to a mom who says her own child is disgusting. i simply refuse to believe her, and you should do so too, just like how you refused to be a boy just because she wanted it. she doesn't even see you for who you are. i for my part think you look great, and you don't seem to have any particularly ugly sider to your personality either. definitely a woman i could love

but it's still interesting why you'd feel that you're ugly. if there are things bothering you other than just your mother's words, then it may help to express your thoughts in order to feel better about yourself?

Quote from: explorer on June 17, 2011, 11:35:07 AM
i'd never listen to a mom who says her own child is disgusting. i simply refuse to believe her, and you should do so too, just like how you refused to be a boy just because she wanted it. she doesn't even see you for who you are. i for my part think you look great, and you don't seem to have any particularly ugly sider to your personality either. definitely a woman i could love

but it's still interesting why you'd feel that you're ugly. if there are things bothering you other than just your mother's words, then it may help to express your thoughts in order to feel better about yourself?

DITTO well said i completely agree

Hon, you are far from ugly. You have an enviable figure and things will only improve with time. You have to believe in yourself. I believe in you. You can do this.

Hi Sarah
Great photo, it screams girl!!  Reminds me of another girl who used to frequent these parts.

Listen to you heart and not the doubters.  Only you know whats best for you, with a good therapist to help light the way.

I hope the sun starts shining brightly on you face soon.

Hugs
Shelly x

I believe in you.  Even if some days I dont believe in myself.

At least you are brave and showing courage.  You are so much more valuable than those who would treat you bad ,know.

You should be proud, and try to let go of your resentments. As much as they have hurt you, they know not what they do. They are programmed.

I dont know you, and even though I am in the darkness of this god forsaken closet, scared, and feeling alone. I love you. You have a place in my heart. I dont know how to help you, other than to offer you my hand. If you ever come through this hellish desert, filled with gleaming lights, materialism, and shallowness. You can count on me for nourishment, understanding, and a hug.
-Jillian in vegas.

Have you had any luck finding any sort of communities there? Or at least somewhere people may at least be partially accepting, that way you can have social interaction outside of a business relationship?  I am sure it is tough to have nobody in your life to rely on. If you could find someone, who knows what luck and power you may draw from them, you know?

I am sure you know much better than I do what you are doing and what you should do though.  Remember that it is not over until you are underground, and by golly you must fight that as if you were a Molosomophobic!

HERE ARE A FEW CHOICES BELOW. I WOULD GO TO GARBERVILLE BUT THATS ME.
...

Well if you take I-80 you can go directly to NYC for the upcoming pride fest and meet lots of sisters from NE new england area


2011 NYC Gay Pride Parade

When : Sunday, June 26, 2011 beginning at noon.

Where : 36th Street & Fifth Avenue to Christopher and Greenwich Streets.

Directions : IRT Lexington Avenue subway line to 33rd Street or IRT West Side line to Christopher St./Sheridan Square.

2011 NYC Pridefest

When : Sunday, June 26, 2011 11AM - 7PM

Where : Hudson Street between Abingdon Square & West 14th Street.

Directions : IND Eighth Avenue subway line to 14th Street.

2011 Rapture on the River

When : Saturday, June 25, 2011 4PM - 10:30 PM, Fireworks

Where : Pier 54 and 13th Street at Hudson River Park.

Directions : IRT West Side subway line to Houston/Varick Street or IND Eighth Avenue line to West 4th Street.
.....................................................................

but if you drop south and take the toll road you can get off at carlisle pa exit and stop here before you continue on to NYC.

At pride you can meet lots of Trans peeps and i can give you a sisters number on LI who is seeking roommates. She is a teacher at a college. As for your car and valuable stuff you might want to try not to have anything in back seat but put it in trunk. Also parking in NYC is tough and so you might want to go to this sisters house first and park there then take trains to the pride fest. But stay sober and just meet people.

......................................

Then again you might head west too. If you do i would go towards Portland which is a very nice town, but has thousands of homeless and can be scary if you associate with them. I would connect with sisters thru the local LGBT center.

Or go to garberville Calif along route 101 where they will have lots of jobs because all the hippies there grow pot and won't work. Having your car there is good because it gives you a place to sleep. They also have free showers there. Just stay away from the pot peeps. Become a worker. When you get to garberville ask for Mary who runs the WISH shelter. she is cool and will help you but tell her you want to work and not freeload. If you do go to garberville bypass San Fran as it is a rough town for poor peeps. Lots of scammers there.


I WOULDN'T GO TO FLORIDA ITS TOO HOT AND TOO MANY HOMELESS AND SCAMMERS ETC ETC

STAY AWAY FROM TEXAS AS THEY SAY DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS

MINNESOTA , WISCONSIN IS OK BUT IT GETS COLD AND STAYS COLD FOR A LONG WINTER

PHILA DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING THATS MY HOME CITY AND WELL I MOVED AWAY IT DOES HAVE A LGBT CENTER WILLIAMWAY   WAYGAY.ORG BUT THERE ARE NOT REAL TRANS HELPFUL AND THE INNER CITY IS EXPENSIVE

LA IS THE PITS BUT ITS OPEN MINDED BUT IF YOUR NOT A NATIVE YOUR NOTHING

SAN FRAN IS SUPER EXPENSIVE AND CAN BE DANGEROUS BUT IT HAS A LGBT CENTER WHICH AGAIN ISN'T REAL TRANS FRIENDLY .. THEN OF COURSE MOST ARE NOT  AND ARE RULED BY  GAYS AND LESBIANS

NEW ORLEANS IS ALL ABOUT SELLING YOURSELF TO TOURIST

I HAVE BEEN TO ABOUT EVERY CITY AND TOWN IN THE 48 STATES FROM 2000 TO 2004 IN MY RV SO I KNOW AND CAN TELL YOU ABOUT THE MANY OTHER PLACES TO NUMEROUS TO MENTION HERE. I USE TO OPEN UP TRANS SAFE HOMES AROUND THE USA IN 2001 TO 2003

HUGS 

Some of that info sounds a bit dated, like maybe that was those places 15 - 20 years ago.  Garberville is not like that now very much.

1.  Everyplace has scam artists, some places just have much better ones.  Some places it's an art form.  But given the rise of third-world style poverty levels in the US, there are a lot of scammers out there - times is hard and all that.  Add to that the number of homeless people is far beyond what it ever was.  They are everywhere where you don't need shelter, so they tend to cluster in places that don't have winter so bad, like the West Coast.  After all, they are homeless, not stupid. 

And big city, rural area, wilderness area, middle of a shopping mall - it's all dangerous to a degree.  You have to be careful who you fall in with.

2. I'd advise against parking in NYC with any (ANY) stuff in the car.  Or any other major city.  Or even minor city.

3. they will have lots of jobs because all the hippies there grow pot and won't work:  Well there are not a lot of jobs in Garberville, it's all dope up there, all the money that flows is dope money, and it's not real accepting of new people, not anymore at least.  I mean its fine to travel through there, very mellow indeed the entire Sonoma, Mendo, Humbolt area.  Your stuff would be safe in the car there for the most part.  Fantastically, and singularly beautiful.  Nothing else on earth like some of those old growth redwood forests, but the lumber industry up there is dead, the fishing industry dead, tourism has fallen off from the rates in the 90s - so it's about as hard-times as California gets.

4. SF is expensive, so is LA, NYC and South Florida.  Anyplace that people really WANT to live in is going to be more expensive than places where people are real so-so about having to live.

5. People have ended up in all sorts of places and thrived.  Other endings are not so good.  I think it's the person not the destination.

I could not agree more with the stay the hell away from Texas idea. Not only the fact that many people here in political stands are stupid pigs out of their year, but if you are not ready to live in a sauna.... It is usually always above 100 degrees Farenheit, and humid, and depending where you are humid.  There are a lot of interesting, unique, and nice people [Me], but there are many of the opposite, many more.

I like ^ idea. You want to get out of Indiana, right? Then this should be your first action.  Take a bus if you must. Widen your connections so you will have more people to rely on.  You may be able to do this yourself, but it would be real nice-like if you did not have to.

Quote from: tekla on June 19, 2011, 09:27:09 AM
Some of that info sounds a bit dated, like maybe that was those places 15 - 20 years ago.  Garberville is not like that now very much.

I lived in garberville from 2004 to 2006 and visited there in 2008. I also lived there from 1970 to 71 and went back after the USMC in 74 and stayed until 81

I traveled by RV all over the USA (70k miles) from 2000 to 2004 so thats my knowledge whats yours?  I owned a home in houston Tx. I traveled all over florida from st pete and largo and tampa where i lived to key west and met many others all over florida and to seattle and stayed in tacoma and up north east to boston and lived in park slope NY at transy house and lived in portland from 1999 to 2000 in hillsboro. I also lived in starbuck minnesota where i opened up a trans home and in nagutuck conn and in Brooklyn and palatine NY near woodstock where i worked on more trans safe homes and stopped at a friends in west chicago who supported trans people and left a estate for them and downtown Chicago with another friend. I also did 10 states for obama campaign from SC, NC, Va, Pa Ohio, Iowa, NY, NH, NJ,Del all the above from 1999 to present. i also rented an apartment in laguna beach in 99 and in 2008 i lived near vista calif in escondido and in loudon county Va. and visited Upstate NY and i have friends all over the USA who i have met at trans conferences. Yes your into the group scene with bands so you get a different view of things. Please share what you know not what you think i don't know.

If you're going to go to all that stuff check out a National Park Pass.  It will save you a lot of money.

Quote from: SarahElls on June 11, 2011, 03:37:48 PM
unfortunately, depression has really taken over at this point, I cant get myself to leave the room, social anxiety is off the scale.  Not sure what Im going to do, but feel like I'm losing it

Sarah, i'm sorry to hear what you're going through. the best of us at times can go through a lot of hardship, and struggles. i know it sounds silly to say, but it does make us much stronger. i've lost everything and have been homeless before. it wasn't much later that everything worked out. things always work out. don't give up!

Sarah,

A lot of people have farms than the children have left for a big city & the father/male has passed away or is not in good shape to handle things. Small farms need help tending to animals. Since you like the outdoors & you need a safe place to live & grow up why not try to find such a place with an understanding older woman to be your mother figure & help them with their farm. It might be good for you & these older type people with a farm.

I live on a farm with animals, it's more peaceful than any crowded city.

Good luck young girl, try to slow down & find your place in the world.

Francis