I cant wait until i am to a point where I am confident enough to present as female in public. By this I mean physically, as I feel I am mentally female right now.

I am confused though. Right now, I still look male, frame and all, but I can make myself feel cute just by the way I do my make up and the clothes I put on. I know Im not going to pass at this point, but does there come a time when I will feel confident enough to present my cuteness in public?

What was the driving force that gave you the courage to go out as you?
Was it easy?
Was it uncomfortable?
Did you have a hard time looking people in their eyes?

I don't know what the driving force is...I guess I just want the world to see me as I see me.  The first time was very uncomfortable for me.  I don't think I ever got within 20 feet of anyone.  I feel like I pass at a distance.  The more time I've done the easier it has become.  I still feel a little uncomfortable interacting with people.  I don't have the voice down either.  But in the right circumstances I'm very comfortable and really enjoy it.

I didn't have the courage to go out en femme until I was quite sure I could pass. Keep in mind that people usually mind their own business and not all women are supermodels.
I think the first time is never really easy, even if you think you can pass. It can be quite nerve wrecking if you are sure you can't pass very well, but try not to really care about what others think.
I was nervous as hell, I could barely walk. I couldn't look into people's eyes. But all of that started to go away as I got more comfortable and I started to really enjoy it.
People notice when you feel uncomfortable, you have to be strong and confident and everything will change for the better, even if you don't pass right now.

I made a similar post asking about the same thing.

What did it for me was finding a support group nearby. A local support group at my GLBT center on the first three Tuesdays of every month. I went to the 3rd meeting of the month, and it was my first time going out in girl mode. I wasn't wearing makeup, I was only dressed as a girl. That following weekend I went to TDOR (The transgender day of remembrance), where there were a lot of trans people; men, women, supporters, significant others etc. This was my first time out fully girl mode with make up. No one there judged me, and I felt safe with them. This helped build my confidence.

If you want to read more on my amazing experiences for this night (TDOR), check out this thread. It may give you some encouragement. I didn't think I came close to passing, but I was proved wrong.

Well today I went out with make up on, and I even took off my glasses and conversed with the people at the laser place. OUCH. Laser freaking hurts...
my adams apple was the worst.

Then we went to our therapist, and I expressed all the pain I have been dealing with, and my fears and concerns, and again I am feeling positive. 

I think part of my darkness is a hormone imbalance. I am seeing my gp in 2 weeks to come clean about self medicating and see what kind of help there is medically.

I came out to two friends last night. They are shocked, but not unaccepting. My friend said he felt like he was losing a friend :-(

My next step is family....

I have came out to 2 friends previous and they have become soooo supportive, as well as my wife.. Supportive to the point that they become defensive of me.....

Thank you sisters for always having something positive to say to me.
I hope as time goes on, I can move up the ranks, and help lead other girls out of the darkness that Ive become all too familiar with :-)

What was the driving force that gave you the courage to go out as you?  -  desperation

Was it easy?-   nope

Was it uncomfortable?  - Yep

Did you have a hard time looking people in their eyes? - yep


But I kept doing it and  really it did not take long before I was comfortable being out even if I don't pass that well. These days it can be uncomfortable in the opposite way because I still have  to go to work presenting male and if I have to stop at the store or something on the way home, or happen to run into friends while working, I get embarrassed being seen in men's cloths.

I guess my fears are fairly typical.  Which means there is a good possibility that if I continue giving my best, that the top of this hill will be reached, and I can enjoy the view, and walk back down and get on the same level as everyone else (well technically).

I love that we have a community like this. Today I was at therapy and my therapist happens to be, what I think is an activist for our community. She seemed like a gaurdian angel, it made me cry because I felt like, even if I am to weak to fight for myself, there are others all around who will fight for me. Even now I am crying, but joyously.

Then I come on here and when the darkness is closing around me, someone grabs my hand and leads me towards the light.

Ive even reached out on tumblr and shared my exact thoughts and fears, and again, everyone seems so supportive.

I am soo grateful, I know this is not reflective of society as a whole (yet), but it feels good to be surrounded by the kind of people I need to be while I rebuild my confidence.

I just recently faced the world and left my house as a woman, at first I will admit it was the scariest thing I had ever done, but after being out and hearing people refer to me as ma'am or miss, I realized that I was that there was nothing really to fear. I must admit it was the most liberating peaceful experience of my life

Yes, it is a bit frightening the first time you go out and expose yourself to the world as "yourself", but over time that fear subsides.

Mine was a trip to Hamburger Mary's in San Diego, many years ago.  After a couple of drinks I felt more relaxed, and then, when it was clear that no one there was going to judge me, I felt quite comfortable.

Not long thereafter I was out at La Jolla beach in a one-piece swimsuit....

When first starting out as your true self, do yourself a favor--make sure it is in a comfortable environment....

Just my 2 cents...

First few times for me was late at night at the Supermarket just down the road. In, grabbed a few things, self checkout, and quickly back to the car. Breath again!  Then wow! nobody looked at me!!!!

It is scary at first, but confidence will come, and I have found that it is the most important thing in passing.

Karen.

As others have said the first time is scary and it better each time after.
Now I go out all the time, alone and with friends.

I regularly go to my local restaurant for a meal. The staff ll know me nd introduced themselves. When the manager sees in the queue he comes over with a smile and a good evening Cindy. I've got a table for you here.
No one has bothered me. No one has stared at me. People speak to me.

But I'm now confident and happy being me. I accept me. I like me. Therefore I am me.

Easy Really

Cindy

Quote from: jillian on June 25, 2011, 06:45:41 AM
I cant wait until i am to a point where I am confident enough to present as female in public. By this I mean physically, as I feel I am mentally female right now.

I am confused though. Right now, I still look male, frame and all, but I can make myself feel cute just by the way I do my make up and the clothes I put on. I know Im not going to pass at this point, but does there come a time when I will feel confident enough to present my cuteness in public?

What was the driving force that gave you the courage to go out as you?
Was it easy?
Was it uncomfortable?
Did you have a hard time looking people in their eyes?

I guess it's different for everyone. I've been going out in public and presenting as female since my teens. For me, it wasn't hard for me at all, as it felt like the normal, comfortable, and right thing to do. I don't think it really takes much "courage" in the common sense of the word. I know it's more difficult for some, but at some point I'd think you'd want to be happy, and live your life as you... and not someone else?

I feel so comfortable most of the time! I feel I am cross dressing when I have to present as male, I don't try and present the best but I still hate it!

I am at a very hard stage, I am assumed female almost always if people don't know my legal gender. I don't present female but am assumed female. I struggle with this cause I like being assumed female but Its awkward in work situations. It literally takes me 30-40 minutes to get dressed. What can I wear that won't scream female but I can't wear that old guys T-shirt either. I have found when I am presenting androgynous I wear the  boys T-shirts, their smaller and the sleeves aren't as long. I don't wear any jewelry or makeup, I use to wear only certain jeans (all womans) some not so feminine some more.  I now wear what ever and sometimes forget and wear some that are a little tighter.

Because I am gendered as female most times, I just girl it up a bit more sometimes. I feel thats what I'll be gendered as anyways. It seems the minute I girl it up a bit, I feel I get strange looks! I'm sure its in my head, maybe thinking I am now trying to be assumed female and now fear I won't be.

I have found since coming out to a few people, the one thing that genders me female is my gestures. This is strange cause its not something I try to do or worked on. I'm like. Wow! news to me. I have also been gendered female quit a bit on the phone, this is also good! but strange since I feel my voice stinks and I also didn't work on this much either.

My best advice is no advice! don't try to change things just let things come out. Their in there, if you try to hard it won't be natural.

Shelly

For me, the first few times were small things: the corner store for a soda and chips, the grocery for beer. It was really rough because I hadn't had a lot of experience at, really anything by that point. The big thing for me were the stares and looks. It took quite a bit out of me to work up the confidence to laugh it off. I won't lie, it still has an effect on me. I'm certainly not out to assert or challenge, but I have managed to become confident with who I am. Perhaps not with my appearance, but living as I do has brought noticeable improvements to my well being. Now when I get a look I allow myself to instead of or ; maybe a little . I've come to accept, more than just understand, that the looks you get from people, the feeling you feel, that insecurity, that's exactly what those people are going through. Bewilderment, uncertainty, fear. Now when I get a look I can just laugh and it almost makes me feel a bit better inside, that someone else was made uncomfortable for a brief moment, share some of those years of struggle that came before the day break.

As someone who can sort of pass I still don't go out with "macho-confidence". I still can't flaunt, there are plenty of mistakes being made, and a distinct lack of wardrobe accessory. So when I do go out I go out with my two dearest friends, friends whom I trust fully, not a shred of doubt. When I'm with then the world melts away. The odd stares become distant blurs. When I'm with them I don't worry or fret. This lets my confidence flow out almost naturally, a cloak that makes you near invisible to those not looking. For instance, a doorman at a bar was confused when I handed him my license this last weekend. Confused that my license had a picture of a boy, a boys name, a little M next to the label "sex". "So you're a guy?" He asked. In a tone of bemusement I replied, "The way I was born."

First posties, yay! That was fun. Much more fun writing here than the ranty technical posts I've been forced to throw together on some of the internet's other districts.

Edit: Something silly, one of the challenges for a grammar fix was "Which is always red: Car, Fire Engine, Bus, Truck", Fire Engine being the obvious answer, However many times they are painted florescent yellow instead of red.

   i need to bookmark this page, the positive waves will keep me smiling all night. maybe some good dreams as well a big thank you to all here!!!

Quote from: JennX on June 28, 2011, 10:04:02 AM
I guess it's different for everyone. I've been going out in public and presenting as female since my teens. For me, it wasn't hard for me at all, as it felt like the normal, comfortable, and right thing to do. I don't think it really takes much "courage" in the common sense of the word. I know it's more difficult for some, but at some point I'd think you'd want to be happy, and live your life as you... and not someone else?

Well tack on an additional 10 years of living as a hetero-normative male (in my case, I started transitioning at late 23/early 24), or 20, 30, 40 and even more for some of the older crowd. Going out becomes more difficult. I'd imagine it's a lot easier when you're younger and still malleable, before you start trying to force yourself into gender norms opposite of how you feel. When you go out after doing that for so long, you actually leave your comfort zone, even if that comfort zone makes you unhappy; so it's only natural to be apprehensive.

Quote from: Samantharz on June 28, 2011, 09:08:48 PM
Well tack on an additional 10 years of living as a hetero-normative male (in my case, I started transitioning at late 23/early 24), or 20, 30, 40 and even more for some of the older crowd. Going out becomes more difficult. I'd imagine it's a lot easier when you're younger and still malleable, before you start trying to force yourself into gender norms opposite of how you feel. When you go out after doing that for so long, you actually leave your comfort zone, even if that comfort zone makes you unhappy; so it's only natural to be apprehensive.

Yes... but most older transgender persons will be much wiser will have a lot more knowledge and resources gained over those extra years to fallback on. I certainly did not have any of that. Before I was able to do research on-line, I had no idea even exactly what transgender was, or what was exactly what was going on with me. I also didn't have the funds exactly to support my feelings and desires at the time. I definitely didn't have enough extra cash for breastforms, a decent wig, nice clothes, therapy, etc. but none of that stopped me from doing from what I wanted and needed to do to feel right, comfortable, and at peace with myself. Yes, the longer you'll been living in one sort of gender role the harder it will be to change... but the acquired money, knowledge, experience, and resources people gain over those years, more than compensate for the difficulty IMHO. At some point you have to be you, and do what's right, best, and makes you happy. Life is too short for any less. At some point you need to decide...

Most people do not care. Just dress as normal as possible for the time of day or night. Do not overdo it with too much makeup or sexy clothes. Be confident in who you are. You are a nice woman out for groceries or shopping or whatever! That is who you are. Look people in the eye, smile, be happy, just be a normal woman.

Early in my life I used to dress really nice & go to a gay bar that had drag queen shows. I was really just practicing being a normal woman around lots of people. It worked well. No one there cared. It was easy to find someone new to talk with. All the men were horny, as usual & wanted to talk. It was nice for a man to court you & buy you a drink if you like men. If you have a club in your town it is good practice to be yourself among lots of new people.  After than it will be easy going into the local convenience store for milk.

Just relax, be confident, dress nice & normal.

Francis

From past posts some of you know I regularly go out to dinner on a Saturday night at a local hotel. I've just returned from this week.
The manager said Hi Cindy you are earlier this week,  The waitresses were young a new but very polite. The head of table recognised me and we had a chat about ear rings, we both like ear rings.
An elderly man who I have seen before for a quick chat came over and asked how I was (he is a recent widower, and no he isn't trying to chat me up ).  I went to the loo and a teen/early 20 girl who had been looking at me came up as we were washing our hands and asked where I had got my skirt as she loved it. Yep she was after my clothes, we had a chat all the way back to out tables. Geez girls can cover a lot of info in a few minutes, we had eyebrow parlours, shoe shops, clothes shops and perfumes in 5 mins.

Then we waved each other bye, and she was with her boyfriend, who I told her looked hot, but she isn't certain he is committed, just wants the boy please stuff, how do you tell came up. I'm still young but want a family.

Yep I think I'm sort of accepted

Cindy