This time it's pure curiosity.  I have totally decided how to deal with the specific situation relative to me.

Personally I would see it as a sign of disrespect.  I would make it very clear they either respect my wishes or I will have nothing to do with them. 

After I came out my partner's family were shocked and it took a while for them to come around.  If they ever made a mistake in my presence I stopped them and corrected them.  Right now I don't know how they talk about me behind my back.  If they are using the wrong pronouns and I find out about it, there will be hell to pay. 

I'm not here to make anyone comfortable.  I'm here to express myself and live as I want.  They have had over a year to get use to the idea.  If they don't like it, they don't get the privilege of knowing me. 

My  mother said the same thing when I found out she and my sister (and other siblings) routinely used my F name and F pronouns when referring to me.  When I called them on it, my mother said that was what she named me, that's what she gave birth to, and that is how I would always be to her. After 2.5 years of transition.  I told her it was very disrespectful to me.  She kind of  said, too bad.

I let it drop.

Due to other family issues, she has now changed her tune.  All you can do is calmly state it is disrespectful if it bothers you (it does bother me) and let it drop.  In time they will be the ones that look silly.  My family has seen me interact with others who never knew me, and how they see and treat me as male, and that has helped as well.


Jay

Well, since I've been passing consistently, the only candidates for this are family. They mostly get it right, but occasionally they mess up in front of me. I really haven't pushed it or asked for pronouns at all. It would really depend on the situation in which they were using incorrect pronouns. Am I out to whomever they're talking to? If they're talking to strangers, they always seem to get it right.

For the sake of this question, let's posit that the correct gender refernces are never, ever used by these people, except in your presence.

Quote from: GinaDouglas on June 30, 2011, 08:57:30 PM
For the sake of this question, let's posit that the correct gender refernces are never, ever used by these people, except in your presence.

In that case, I'm not sure. If I wasn't out to the people they were talking to, I would expect it. And I would expect some slip ups when speaking to other family members even if I am out simply by virtue of them knowing me as the wrong gender so long. But if it became clear they were only humoring me to my face and using wrong pronouns everywhere else, I would feel like ->-bleeped-<- and probably feel forced to say something. I think slips are inevitable with people who have known you many years but not even trying when you are clearly living as a certain gender is disrespect.

Sorry a question I can't answer. If they say stuff in private then I'm not privy too it.
I have to admit though that I probably don't give a damn. If I allow myself to get upset about such things I'd be looking over my shoulder all the time.

If people can't accept me, it's their problem, not mine.

Cindy

I only speak to my mum and dad who are very very supportive, they work their hardest to correct the rest of my "family" when they slip up, my dad tells me about this which is kinda nice I guess. But I mean I hate them already so it's not like I can upgrade my hate any further.. even if they did start getting it right the damage is already done and that can't be un...done. They had the chance to know the real me and they blew it. One thing that I wonder about is all the grand children, what will they be told and will they go ""eerrrrrrr _____ is a girl silly", I'm sure they will because I do see them while my parents are babysitting/looking after them for the day and they are cool with me like kids naturally are.

I just figure it's their problem, and I feel sorry for them for having such uncaring minds.