I want to share with you what the status is now between myself and Erin/Brandon.  Now that he's had time to think about everything and where we go from here, this is where he stands.  He says he loves me, and he's not out sleeping around or looking for relationships.  He's taking time to be "unrestraintedly me".  He told me that letter I wrote cut him deeply with my initial reaction to him wanting a sex change. He asked me to take some time and figure out how I truly felt about him as well.  He said he feels that I'm still swirling and emotionally blown by him telling me about his wanting to be a woman.  He asked me to be his friend right now because he feels that's all he can emotionally handle.

I feel like he's ending our relationship permanently at this point because he feels like I can't handle this.   I know I love him/her.  I feel many emotions inside, and I want to make this work between us.  My question is....Do you see this as a blow off because, honestly...when someone asks to just be friends, that's how it feels to me?  Is he just trying to say goodbye in a nice way? I don't know what to do from here.  Please help...

When one of us starts the transition process it can become so encompassing and overwhelming that there can be little room for a romantic relationship.
If she needs to only be friends at this time I would not press her on romantic entanglements. Her world is very much a whirlwind right now and the enormity of the transsexing process is probably all she can handle at this point.

I can't say for sure what it means, since only Erin could know that, and there is a good chance Erin is pretty confused too. Lots of times people get overwhelmed and sometimes they react this way trying to get the situation to be manageable.

I would like to make this clear though, your fears and trepidation about Erin's potential transition are totally valid, I mean, it isn't every day that this sort of thing happens, and maybe it would work out great with you both being girls maybe it wouldn't with that level of ambiguity it would be a near miracle if you didn't have concerns.

Of Course her feelings are valid too, it is only natural to feel a bit hurt and betrayed when someone who you trust and (i assume) love isn't sure about if they can handle being with who you feel you really are inside.

Honestly it is a bit hard to see why they asked you just to be friends, it could be a (bad IMO) way to try to protect you, as they might have taken your uncertainty a bit harshly, and could feel a bit guilty about "putting you through more" or perhaps maybe they are trying to find an easy way out. Or perhaps she was just overwhelmed and couldn't deal with things and decided to pull back and isolate herself a bit to try and get a handle on things.

In any case, really no one can know the exact meaning of the action, I wouldn't focus so much on what Erin does since you can't control other peoples actions. If you want to still be together tell her that, and be totally honest about your fears, and understand that your fears about things going forward may make Erin feel less confident about her future with you, but totally honesty between the two of you is probably the most important thing right now.

I know this isn't much help, but just remember, you both have valid feelings, and sometimes things just won't work, but sometimes if you both put forth the effort, it does. I wish you both the best of luck, regardless of where it goes.

Thank you for your advice.  I do appreciate it greatly.  Yes, I know Erin is very upset and disallusioned with me at the moment.  I have known him/her for about 15 months, and I only found this out about him wanting a sex change a month ago.  It really took me back because I knew him as Brandon the feminine guy I fell in love with.  Then all of a sudden, he tells me that he's not Brandon, he's/shes Erin.  I didn't know how to handle that initially.  I felt like he/she kept the truth from me for so long, that it was even harder to handle.  I was angry.  I was resentful.  I think anybody would have felt the same way.  I understand why he/she did it.  He did it because he/she loved me and didn't want me to walk away.  I'm so depressed about everything.  I know I love him/her with all my heart, but it seems as though he's pushing me away.  The letter really hurt him.   I've tried telling him that it was hard for me to handle, and that I know I love him and want to accept him/her for the girl she is, but I don't think she believes me.  I don't know whether I should just kind of disappear and let him/her reach out to me if he/she is going to.  I don't want her to think I don't love her, but I also don't want to pressure her either.  She says she loves me, but the part of saying "please be my friend. That's what I would like right now.  I think mentally that's about all that I can handle right now."  Makes me feel as if I've already lost her.  What should I do and say to let her know that I need to have some handle on where we stand?  How much time do I let lapse without saying a word and making her feel pressured?  Please help....

Well Kaylee, all I can suggest is giving yourselves time. You have both had to cope with the Universe falling on your heads.

I was married for over 20 years before my wife and I separated. ( Several years before all this transition stuff I should add.)  There were several occaissions when we had a non-sexual relationship due to children being born etc, and my suffering a severe back injury.

When the latter happened, I ceased to be the man of the house and became an invalid for months.  That was really hard for me to cope with .  We stayed together because we loved one another, and considered ourselves as more of a team than just a couple. If the sexual side of our married had ceased all together as a result, I don't think it would have had a terminal effect. We would have found some mutually acceptable solution.

I'd suggest starting from the proposition that you love one another, and keep that in mind while you try and work out the details. It won't be easy, but if you can cope with this you will be able to cope with anything.

Karen.