Today is the first day we will not spend a holiday with family and I am feeling down in the dumps. My spouse feels like I am putting the blame on her and I am trying not to. I need to find what keeps me happy pretty much. I support my spouses needs to be a female BUT we are in the beginning stages so it is really hard emotionally right now mainly because I am also loosing my family and friends. I know down the road we will make new friends but I am more social right now.. I know what is stopping me from hanging out with friends and family and it is cuz I feel guilty leaving her at home when she is also going thru the same type of stuff I am. I am saying good bye to my husband and hello to my "wife".
I feel there are alot of positives toward being married to a wife instead of a husband, like she runs errands with me, she totally understands me and wants to engage in femme talk with me, better love making, etc..but we have all of our husband and wife pictures up and I try to not look at them because it at times hurts me and I feel guilty for having any good feelings come out of them when I remember those times with my husband. GRRRRRRRRR.... I just want to skip past all this emotional stuff and get to know the "new" life that awaits me. I am really impatient at times. And a worry wart too. We are seeing a therapist and she makes ALL of this sound so easy. I am usually happy and positive but today I can not stop obsessing over what we are loosing do to family not being very supportive right now. (mainly because this is a holiday)
