I'm having a real crisis here. I've been on T for about 3 years now, and in that time, I've lost one marriage, gained a fiancee, and am now about to lose that fiancee. Before I went on T, I could get any girl I wanted, and they loved me. I was caring, nurturing, empathetic... all of that. I was a hopeless romantic. I don't know if I was at fault for my marriage failing... as far as I'm aware, my ex-wife just wanted something I couldn't give her. My fiancee, however... I know she'd love the person I was before T. The problem is, I hated that person... at least, everything but the affinity for making girls swoon.

I went from being totally about finding someone to love before T, to being totally about me, on T. All I can think about is how to make my life the best it can be, because I spent so long as someone I wasn't and finally have the chance to live. I love my fiancee more than anything, but I'm afraid the things she has problems with are things that changed when I went on T. I'm not trying to blame my own flaws on the hormone, I promise... I just wonder how much of a connection there really is.

She doesn't like that I'm not compassionate toward her, that I don't treat her like a queen... but she's not pretentious, so I must be seriously f'ing up for her to point that out. I'm just always so afraid that someone will injure me emotionally/psychologically, and I won't be able to go on. She and I have had an unstable living situation since we got together, and I know that contributes significantly... I feel like I'm always in survivalist mode.

I don't know what I'm looking for... commiseration? advice? My life is so f'ed right now I can hardly think straight.

I'm not yet on T, so I can't personally speak to any potential connection between your changes and the hormone. But...

Quote from: Sebastien on July 08, 2011, 04:31:36 PMI'm just always so afraid that someone will injure me emotionally/psychologically, and I won't be able to go on. She and I have had an unstable living situation since we got together, and I know that contributes significantly... I feel like I'm always in survivalist mode.

I know guys don't typically do well talking about things but, given that this is your fiancée and you obviously care greatly about her and your relationship with her, have you talked to her about this? If you're considering marriage then you should be able to talk about things like this, and I know from experience that confronting them in a relationship can make a world of difference and make the relationship stronger. Clearly this is a major thing for you -- these feelings -- and I think you both deserve that these be brought to light and perhaps discussed.

Quote from: Sebastien on July 08, 2011, 04:31:36 PM
She doesn't like that I'm not compassionate toward her, that I don't treat her like a queen... but she's not pretentious, so I must be seriously f'ing up for her to point that out.

Similarly: talk about this. Especially with the latter part of that statement. See what exactly is going on from her point of view and figure out how to improve things, or if things can be improved, from your end.

Confront the issues and see just how big they are or what can be done about them. Otherwise, if you do nothing, then odds are that, yea, you will lose her.