Hi. Well I've been seeing a therapist for about six or seven months now about me possibly being transgendered and eventually transitioning, and he suggested to me that I should go on here and ask you guys what was the hardest part about transitioning you had to go through, and how did you handle it, just so i could decide if it was worth going through for me. It would help me a lot if i got some replies, just so i could get a better picture of what it's like to transition and stuff!

thanks! Tori~

Getting people to listen.

I am a HE. I am NOT a she.

I need a hysto and I am not a female so I don't want to give birth. I have the money to pay in CASH for you ->-bleeped-<-ers to take this thing outta me. Don't give me this "you are too young" or "You will change" bull->-bleeped-<- 21 years and I am still the same.

I am a REAL man. I might have some assembly required but I am really a man. Get over it.

*rant over*

Above all I don't expect people to understand. However I do expect people to be respectful.

There were a whole bunch of social type problems that I had. The major one was getting people to take me seriously (especially when I had chosen not to take hormones for a large chunk of my transition). The big internal issues were trying to decide on if I should go on hormones or not, and dealing with waiting (for appointments, for an affordable doctor, for the moment where I was read as male more often than female, etc).

Hey Torysorus, welcome to the forum.

I think if you're here to find out if transitioning is right for you, then you shouldn't be looking at what the worst parts are, but at what all of the good parts are. In order to work out what's best for you, you should discover as many of the possitives as you can, and decide if those things are what you want from life. It's the possitives that put the negatives into perspective, and it's the possitives that ultimately drive us to start this process; not because it's easy, but because it's worth it.

That being said, the worst part of the experience for me was trying to work my way through the medical system. I had to start over from scratch four times with new counsillors until I found one who was able to understand me, and who's letter my doctor would accept. I'm eighteen, so my age also seemed a hot topic for debate; 'but you're so young, you could change your mind!', 'You're too young to make a decision like this' etc etc.

The hardest part is coming out and that first year of transition when you start hormones and aren't recognized as yourself.  This period is longer if you need to delay taking hormones.  I found this part the hardest, still being read as female when I'm male.

Second hardest part is paying for surgery.  Some guys are lucky to get things covered by insurance.  Others are not. 

This didn't happen with me but happens to lots of trans people, male and female:  Loss of family and friends.  You need to be prepared for it to happen, and consider yourself blessed if it doesn't.  Even if your family ultimately accepts, there is usually a period of grief and denial where they keep telling you that they want you to stay yourself, to not transition, that you don't need to, that it's crazy.  It is crazy... to cis people.  NOT transitioning is crazy to trans people.

Good luck, man!


Jay

P.S.  Do NOT transition if there is any way you are comfortable staying as you are.  Transition because you HAVE to, in order to live.  Don't let anyone convince you TO transition; and don't let someone talk you out of transitioning if you need to.

Hardest part...fear

Best part...joy


Ironically, that was also true before transition.

Quote from: sneakersjay link=topic=101582.msg751510#msg751510

P.S.  Do NOT transition if there is any way you are comfortable staying as you are.  Transition because you HAVE to, in order to live.  Don't let anyone convince you TO transition; and don't let someone talk you out of transitioning if you need to.

That seriously he's right. That being said welcome to the site and it's great that you are taking the time to ask questions man. Hardest part for me... There have been a few hard parts. It's all been worth it. Today my hard part is binding and being she'd by my grandma I live with in public. I pass really well now so it leads to awkward stares. I can't say much about the hard parts cause really I've had it easier then some. Financially it's been tough. I don't have insurance so I pay for my T and my bloodwork out of pocket plus surgery and a name change I can't afford yet but I stress the fact that it has all been so worth it to me because I could not have made it this long the way I was. Good luck with whatever you decide to do man

Hardest part that is ongoing: Non-accepting family after transition (no longer welcome for visits, holidays, to see nephews/nieces, seeing how badly upset parents are, etc.).

Hardest part that affected me more directly on day-to-day basis: Limited activity while recovering from surgery & being more dependent on others.

As others have said, if you are comfortable with not transitioning...Don't.  It can be a very hard journey.  For myself, the hardest part was dealing with the harrassement of my neighbors.  Got so bad a few years ago, that I had to go outside every time I put my dogs out, just to be sure they stayed safe.  Things are'nt so bad now, since I have shown them I refuse to be driven from my home....and they have nothing to fear.  Also, for myself, it was a life or death decision.  If I had'nt transitioned, I know, I would not still be here. 
Andrew:  I have the same problem with my 83 year old Dad....still calling me she in public.  I have told him that I am going to start telling people he is senile, and, where I pass 100% of the time, they will believe me. 

Transitioning sucks, but on the other hand, I wouldn't be alive if I still had to live how I was back then. Transitioning has been both the best and worst part of my life.

The hardest part about transitioning for me, is waiting.
Patience is key for basically all trans people. Whether it's patience for acceptance, or hormones/surgery, or learning to love yourself, and seeing past the distorted reflection of yourself that doesn't match how you feel inside.

The hardest part is also finding the strength to tell people, knowing you can lose them from your life, or that things might never be the same if they never fully accept you. The hardest part is worrying about being alone and unsure whether the special somebody will ever be a part of your life because of 'complications'.

Honestly I don't know what has been the hardest part.

How did I handle it? I try to make the days go by as quickly as possible, keeping myself so distracted I lose track of the time and date. I used writing and letters to tell others. How I dealt with the rejection, well I just pushed that person away, because that's the type of person I am. If somebody can't accept me, I can quickly move on from it and not give a ->-bleeped-<-, just as long as they don't have to be in my life anymore. I handle the loneliness part, I guess through day dreaming and again distractions. I mean I never really handle anything the same. Sometimes i come on here, of course I like to do things independently, but other times this forum is the outlet for my pain and there are some amazing people on here with some great advice. I listen to music, I use creativity, whatever works. Nothing works the same twice for me. I'm always dealing with things how I see fit, when it comes time.

There are times when I sit here wondering if this was all worth it, or if I would have just been happier not going through all this bull->-bleeped-<- that so many call self inflicted because I CHOSE to be myself, but honestly all the good things that came out of it, are more than I could dream of. The way that I can look at myself now and not hate everything I see, the way I don't have to pretend to be some one else, it's my reward.

I think about all the times I get called he and I smile so hard it hurts, and no matter how much pain I'm in, I got all those amazing memories of people who I felt really saw who I am. Getting called sir, knowing that when I tell other people and they accept me, that I've truly met some of the most amazing people in the world. That really is how I get through it. All the good things get me through it.

I could never truly regret this decision. All though some days I think I possibly could, I know that at my core, I'm so thankful that the real me decided to speak up and face life, to find contentment.

I disagree with the "only transition if it's what you need to do." I don't feel that we should have to be in that situation (ex: suicidal) in order to transition. I probably could've been okay not transitioning but I'm much happier with myself now than I was before transitioning.

What is the worst part? Well there's lots that could fall into that category. And it depends on what situation. The first thing that really hurt me, was having to choose. Chose to make the people around me happy by pretending to be happy too, when deep down I was kind of breaking down. And risk losing everything. I came to the US almost 11 years ago with nothing more than 2 suitcases and some carry on luggage. The UK has changed too much for me to call home anymore. My parents and Brother, scattered across Europe. A broken family. There's nothing for me to go back to. So I literally put it all on the line. In the end, I chose to fix myself before I could make things better for my wife and children. So, for the people who think it's a choice, yes, in a way it is: Life, or Death. you've just got to figure out how much heartache you can take. The ones that dont transition and can wake up each morning and put on a happy face, I think are the strongest.

So, 4 months of HRT later, What's the hardest part now? Getting people to stop calling me by my male name at work. Get some work shirts with the correct spelling of Keaira on the name tag. Using the women's restroom knowing full well what a storm that caused when word got out. And it really amazed me just how something so small can really just make you feel like crap.
Dont get me wrong, I'm finally starting to feel right. It's the waiting too that gets to you as your body morphs. Will I be small-chested like my Mother? Will I get hips to go with this 'cute butt' as some of the women at work like to point out?

So that's what is the hardest for me.

Waking up everyday in the wrong body is the hardest. I look forward everyday to when I can start T and can get top surgery. Another hard part about transitioning for me was accepting myself. Knowing that this is probably one of the hardest things that I will ever do in my lifetime. Yet, also the most wonderful thing I will do, and scary, and stressful. I think that one of the hardest things to do is accepting yourself for who you are, and once you have done that, then you're ready to move on to the next hardest thing: telling your friends and family.

I know that one of the hardest parts of transition is coming out to family and passing. I will be honest, I have only told family members and friends that I pretty much knew would accept me. I'm scared to death to tell the rest of my family.

You'll know if transitioning is right for you, give it time, think about it. Weigh the pros and cons. Will transitioning make you happier, feel whole, feel right?

Quote from: Nygeel on July 10, 2011, 03:42:14 AM
I disagree with the "only transition if it's what you need to do." I don't feel that we should have to be in that situation (ex: suicidal) in order to transition. I probably could've been okay not transitioning but I'm much happier with myself now than I was before transitioning.

Agreed.  I was suicidal due to depression and other mental illness, and being trans did factor into some of that.  But I don't think that a person -has- to be suicidal in order to transition.  To me, that's kind of close-minded and extreme.

Anyway...I think the hardest part in (early) transitioning was getting misgendered time and time again despite my best efforts to present as male.  Telling someone I was trans and getting misunderstood and continually misgendered hurt so badly.  Now, the hardest part is the anxiety that comes from near outing as trans.

I dealt with the misgendering by talking with understanding friends and my therapist.  Using sites with this helped as well.  Reading about trans "success" stories was truly helpful.  It gave me hope that one day, I would be successful as well.  Dealing with my anxiety...I still pretty much do the same thing lol.  Talk to my therapist and friends, take medication when needed.  Dream of the day when I can move away from this place.

So far for me the hardest part is being taken seriously. In addition to that it is such a challenge to be able to wait patiently for the day I will finally get on testosterone, and remain positive that things will eventually move forward. You've got to remain positive, that's one of the most important things. I always tell myself no matter how bad things get, eventually they will be better. Without the bad I probably couldn't appreciate the good as much for what it is.

Religous doubts conneccted with being worried my family wouldn't accept this.

Needless to say, the fam took it way better then i expected

   Me, it was a long wait.  The hardest was the guts to finally do it.  It took a cancer scare to finally get me to do it.  You are more likely to have therapists who have better knowlege of GID than I had back in the Late 70's.  Unemployment with an inexperienced therapist, and then the company grindstone pressures prevented me to pursue any kind of therapy or treatment during that time up until several years ago.  Remember, be honest with yourself and your therapist. 
  Joelene

Quote from: Adio on July 10, 2011, 01:22:45 PM
Agreed.  I was suicidal due to depression and other mental illness, and being trans did factor into some of that.  But I don't think that a person -has- to be suicidal in order to transition.  To me, that's kind of close-minded and extreme.

I kind of agree with Nygeel and Adio... Last August before I came out I was dealing daily with suicidal thoughts and had almost had a perfect plan to off myself, but I don't think it was really a transgender thing. I was just dealing with a lot of bull->-bleeped-<-. After I came out though, and was met with a lot of approval from old family friends, I definitely felt a hell of a lot better. I do question it still from time to time but there's no doubt in my mind that I am not "cisgender". I tried to be a woman in high school and college and I know for a fact now that that's pretty much the last thing I am.

I think for me the hardest thing about transitioning so far is just understanding who I am and how far I need to go. It's not about want, really. I would like to get a hysterectomy and mastectomy but I don't think I'll have any genitoplasty.

The next hardest thing is family. I told my dad and a few other relatives, and due to the nature of my extended family, they probably all know now. Everything is really tense and awkward between me and my family. I came out as lesbian at 16 and since then I've just been "the other kid" to everyone. The bad apple. This is just the rotting cherry on top of the overcooked cake. I even went as far as to tell my aunt and dad when I was going through a questioning period that I would always be their "daughter/niece". Bleh.

So now I have to explain to me dad, again, that I will be transitioning and going on hormones, regardless of how it'll affect him and his life. He called me "selfish" because I didn't consider how my "choice" would affect his relationship. Seriously, if the bitch he's dating leaves him because of something he can't even control, she doesn't deserve him anyway. >.>

/rant.

Ryan,
  At least, by your 'rant' you still love your dad despite his own take on your declaration.  He's the selfish one, but at least you are communicating with him.  My dad unceremoniously dumped my mom and the 4 of us at my scowling grandma's house and whooped it up with his mistress in Vegas on the way back to Cali.   Then that cad had the temerity to ask her to marry him again a decade later.  He said that she was his 'best of his wives'.  My mom refused and showed him the door.  I tried to communicate with him, but he was in his own world.  I lost him completely when we put him in a home because of his Alzheimer's.   
  Joelene

the hardest part for me was to actually go to my first day of class as Annah...it was also the first time I dressed en femme.

That was undoubtedly the hardest part for me.....I even threw up in the bathroom after 30 minutes or so because i was soo nervous