For me the break point was to be able to tell doubts from fears, and both of them from the feeling of uncertainty/insecurity which is inherent to transition.

In the two or three weeks before starting hormones, as I knew the endo appointment was approaching, I couldn't help reviewing the whole issue in my head, like from scratch. I doubted. But I came to no different conclusion than the one reached after all these years since I was 5. Lately, I do not doubt that much about the decision made to transition. I feel much better and allow more for my feelings to guide me, but I know fears and insecurities will keep coming at times... it's probably normal, since they are defense mechanisms. It's just about how you grow to deal with them, and how you feel and grow to be able to enjoy each step of the process.

Also, as Sarah B says, a good gender therapist, truly specialized in gender issues, can be of great help. This applies to me fully.

its time for my doctor after 6 months therapy to give me the prescription and after that..... we can talk away for as long as he wants from then on......
yes... im not perfect..... yes i have issues.....
i can hold a job... i have a small group of fiends.
i dont sound like  a girl ..... that takes time and with hormones and the change brings more comfortable ability to pull through.
im dreading charring cross hospital as im imagining some military doctors.
  my imagination works overtime when i delay or have spare time...
im really looking forwards to it though as i have seen some remarkable achievements.
  come come hun .....
let me run

Anyone who has never had doubts is, I think, either extremely lucky or a few bricks short of a full load!

I went through all this back in the 1960s when "professional help" considered me delusional for my conviction that I was/needed to be a girl. As a child I thought I was a girl, just a little different, and all the "help" I got was to try to convince me I was wrong, which just led  to tremendous confusion and a whole lot of doubt and left me feeling that I was neither boy nor girl, just a "freak". When push came to shove and my life was hanging by a thread, I knew I had to make the jump no matter what the consequences, and I did in 1974 at the age of 24.

Guess what? I was right all along - I WAS a girl and life just fell right into place, as easy as pie. Before the first year was out I was looking back and thinking "How could I EVER have doubted, how could I not have known ......" Experience removed all doubt.

Doubt is one way of putting it, uncertainty is another. After all, how can you really know what's going to happen in the future? So we're always going ahead with things that we can't fully know the outcome of before we're actually done with them. This is a big one, so big uncertainty is appropriate.

What people seem to be pointing at here is that doubt/uncertainty is valuable in order to be free to question your motives, in order to clarify them. But the problem for a lot of us is that the world about us assumes we're "doing something weird" so it pre-installs doubt in us that's not even ours. The conversations I've been having lately with friends seem to lead up to them saying "Are you sure, though?" and me replying "I'm sure enough, and that's enough for now." Being absolutely sure about anything is uncommon, and often simply a sign of reluctance to be unsure.

Up to a point, HRT is reversible anyway, so there's no reason not to see it for what it partly is, which is an experiment to see how you are once you're doing it. And I don't mean to make light of it by calling it an experiment - everything we do for the first time is necessarily an experiment, isn't it?

Quote from: Virginia Marie on March 25, 2011, 07:24:40 PM
The decision to transition is of coarse up to the individual, I personally wish I would have had the nerve to do it 20-30 years ago... I would have been younger, stronger and in better shape financially... Plus I truly believe I would have lived a much happier life

Ditto that here, Virginia Marie.

Could not have said it better myself.  You are exactly right.  Well, said, hon; well said.

   Lacey Lynne

Quote from: Logan1986 on February 21, 2011, 07:13:47 PM
I absolutely did. I went to a support group for years before coming out to family friends. I think doubt is a good thing. When you reach a point where you decide one way or another at least you know you gave it as much thought and consideration that you possibly could.
rush slowly.

I couldn't have said it better myself. Doubt is you giving yourself the, "Ok, lets do it....you sure your ready?" That doesn't mean you'll never have doubt, you may be like a paratrooper jumping on faith straight it, but, at least you did the double look.

I have enjoyed reading the comments in this thread and it is good to see that I am not alone. In the last few years I have realized I have been getting older and now 35 It is time to stop doubting. I have felt this way for years and nothing is going to change, so it is time to grab the reins and hold on.
I guess the doubting was caused by the fear of what people would think and my ability to survive in a world where people did not or want to understand me and not how I felt about myself. One day you may wake up and think that my life has just disappeared, I'm old and the opportunity has passed me by.
I don't expect it to be easy, baby steps is the way, stay strong. One day at a time.

I had doubts in my late teens, not about the prospect of transition itself but rather whether I was going to find anyone in the medical community to secure meds (and later, surgery) through in a legitimate manner.  Back then (this was the mid-80's), the gender mills were extremely hostile to someone who presented as an M2F but was not going to identify as a heterosexual post-operatively.  And, of those endos who would manage HRT, they wanted a letter from someone associated with the gender mills (which in the Houston area often meant the Galveston clinic).  Being the days before the interwebz, it would have been far more difficult to self-manage without going extremely back-room black market...

Those issues are not, from my understanding, near as prevalent today...had today's medical awareness existed back then, I likely would have had surgery prior to my 20th birthday.  The flip side is that I might not have gone on to the career I presently hold or the reputation I hold in my chosen field...

 

My posting history here at Susan's contains a lot of doubts, fears, and insecurities. I started posting here late last year when I hit a wall and my wife begged me to go see a gender therapist again.

I've been on HRT for 8 weeks. I had doubts and fears before starting, and I have doubts and fears now.

For me most of my fears and doubts revolve around the impact this has on the people around me, and their relationships with me. The potential dissolution of my marriage, the potential that it will be harder to find employment, that I may lose friends etc. These things still weigh heavily on me.

There are some "internal" things I am still having to work through though. Like looking in the mirror and feeling both excited and scared at the same time as I see my body change. I'm probably feelings doubts because of what these physical changes mean, and just constantly asking myself, "do I really have to do this?" repeatedly. I always come back that I know no other way. The idea of living as a man again fills me with despair.

This being said, being full-time and on HRT also gives me the luxury of contemplation apart from my horrible dysphoria. In terms of that I am "cured" - this indeed removed my dysphoria completely. Whereas before I was driven forward, somewhat kicking and screaming, by my depression and dysphoria - now I feel "better" and so my thought processes have changed. HRT and full time has made being a girl just "normal", there's no "thrill" in it per-se, it's not "fun" (it's nice, but it's not like how I fantasized it would be as a child for example.) But I've also realized that I don't "feel girly" necessarily, I just feel like me - for the first time in my life. I guess "me" is a girl, but I don't think of myself first as a gender - "girl" is just one of the ways I could be identified. Before transition the "boy" thing hung over me like a rain cloud and I couldn't get it out of my head. I think this is how more cisgender people feel - it's normal.

Another thing is that HRT and full time totally works when it comes to curing my "GID". I sort of feel like the schizophrenic patient who, upon taking their pills, thinks, "hey, I'm feeling better, I guess I don't need to take these pills after all". I know what would happen if I were to go back to my old life, and so many people have said it here and elsewhere - that they stopped HRT for a while only to start again when GID came back.

But even as well as I am doing there are still doubts. I constantly question if I really need to do this - and most of the time I come back with a solid yes. Sometimes I feel confused. It's not easy, but I think that checking yourself along the way is a good thing, and having a therapist with whom you can discuss doubts helps a lot.

I'm not all that far along, a couple months of HRT.

I don't have any doubts about what I want.

I do have doubts about passing and being accepted, especially by family.

Quote from: Medusa on February 21, 2011, 08:02:05 AM
So I want to ask
Do you have/had also doubts about transition?
And do you ever regret that?

I don't have any doubts about myself, but there is plenty of doubt and fear about how people I care about will react, passing, and whether or not transition will have a positive impact on my life.  It all just seems like too much to deal with.  I can see myself breaking before even trying.  I probably seem like a broken record talking about it all the time.  I feel like one, with my thoughts spinning in circles.

I could have transitioned through puberty, and I regret not opening up and attempting to while the resources were available and the time was best.  Now things are more complicated, but I don't think waiting any longer to address the problem is a bright idea.

I think HRT could help me after having taken some time to research potential side-effects and consequences, but I have doubts about whether pursuing it is a good idea when I am still afraid of transitioning.  It's like, maybe if I get my foot in the door and take it step by step as I feel comfortable, then maybe I could do it that way...

I've been feeling more and more confident that transitioning is the way for me and I really am hoping that HRT will be the final indication.  Recently, though, I have had some doubts, but they center more around women's roles and how women are treated by men in the culture that I will be living in (Mexican).  I'm realizing that unlike now, presenting as a woman I will probably not be able to sit with the guys and have a beer, or go out to eat with guys being the only woman.  This is a cultural thing rather than doubts about my gender, but it is something that I've been thinking about.

Had lots of doubts, especially at first. Today there is no doubt about what I want...just uncertainty about other people's reactions.

My only regret is not being able to transition when I was young.

I started HRT 5 years ago, stopped 6 months later, and I am not going to start up again.  It happens.

When I was younger I knew who I was....but, I was so scared and I rightly decided that it wasn't a good thing and I needed to protect myself, after all why deal with the pain and stigma of being this way if you didn't have to? So I set about "beating" those feelings, using alot of denial and attempting to act in ways that I thought would make my feelings go away.

Of course I realized later I couldn't "beat" my GID, and then I have been going forward with no doubts as to who I am and only a few doubts about transition itself, most of which I realized where just me being afraid of change in the way other people would react to me.

Basically the question is "can I be happy without transitioning?" and I don't think that I can. That question alone is enough to make me deal with the doubts I felt.

My only doubt is, "will it be worth the price I have to pay."  When I think about all the unknows like relationships with kids, it just make me sick to think about. Then I think about, "what is the price of not transitioning now." Does is mean I end up suicidal and miserable? Or does it mean the GID will just overcome my resistance and I just ending up transitioning 5 or ten years from now?

I really don't feel like I have a choice other than to move forward because if I didn't I would be a miserable person just waiting to run the clock down to zero.  So yes, I think most of us have doubts.

Doubts? I'm full of them.

However, I'm firmly on this journey and I plan to see it through. I've lived entirely too long without making myself happy. I've known I was different since I was 4. I begged and pleaded my mother to buy me dresses. Instead I was forced to wear pants.

In regards to friends and family not accepting me, if they won't respect me for who I am, screw 'em. I don't need their negativity cluttering up my life.

I'm ready to put doubts aside and get on with living my life as I see fit.

anyone know anything about ftms and pcos issues?
ie becoming obese when on t or other more serious problems?
i may have it and as i already have a hard time now days not gaining weight for no apparent reason i am naturally concerned about obesity as it would really suck for me to get any bigger. im almost 200 lbs and used to be 125 a few years ago. Ive tried everything and being on the pill just made it worse!
now my metabolism has gotten so low all i can do is hold it where it is but even then the slightest thing happens like being hungry all the time and i keep gaining!
SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

obviously this may not fit here but i don't know how else to get someone who could help!

  Yes I had doubts.  I've been riding this sine wave of doubt/no doubt with a frequency of a few days apart to a month apart since my mid-twenties.  Now the doubts come less often with shorter durations (hours) and with less amplitude since starting HRT.  It is more of a "What, now?" feeling. 
  Joelene