Sorry in advance for the shameless self-pitying and whinging that will no doubt fill this post.
Basically I'm very much stealth, still figuring myself out and coming to terms with very possibly being trans. I'm a very insecure person by nature and knowing my big brother, I knew I was in for some ribbing when I cut my hair into a very boyish style and wearing masculine stuff but it has got so much worse recently (or maybe I'm just becoming more aware of it)

Anyway so the last past while I've been suffering from horrendous nausea and vomiting and have generally been feeling very miserable and even more depressed than usual so I've been in the house pretty much all day everyday. My big brother has been really nasty in his comments and actions.

A few nuggets just from the past few days 

'Eww, look at your bushy armpits. Disgusting. You're a girl (my birth name).. just disgusting'
'you're ill? *yes, I'm feeling nauseus* ladies problems? *no, nausea* ladies problems.' (made all the worse by him doing an, I dunno, creepy smile/sneer that makes me want to punch him)
'are you going to put on a frock (dress) for going out tonight? no, that's right you like shirts and ties' (creepy smile)
endless times I've been called lesbian
'so are you going to put on your best frock for meeting Dad's girlfriend?' (why would i put a dress on to meet someone in a casual situation when I'm not feeling the best anyway)
Staring at me during mealtimes and then smirking when i notice.


ignoring him is pointless, he is very persistent and if I'm silent he rattles on about how I'm giving him the silent treatment and being immature. 

feel pretty sorry for myself  just don't know how much more I can hear before I explode. Things that shouldn't be an option (SH/ ending it all [probably should point out that I have other deep psychologial problems aswell as the GD]) are riding pretty high in my mind right now.

sorry not sure what i hoped to achieve by posting this 

Oh man, reading this brought back some "fond" memories. I experienced exactly the same thing, except with TWO older brothers who ganged up on me about my gender issue on a daily basis, until my parents got on them about it ruthlessly and they eventually matured about it. One of them has had a serious change of heart over my whole situation and is very accepting now, while the other went off to college and I hardly see him anymore, and he just stopped getting on me about it and (more or less) accepted it. I know how it is to feel so frustrated with siblings' comments to the point that you want to just sock them in the face.
One good piece of advice, maybe, would be to try to be sarcastic and witty right back to him. Take his sneering, rude attitude and slap him right back in the face with it. If he asks you "So are you going to wear a frock tonight?" respond with "Yeah, and a pair of six-inch heels, and fishnets, and my best push-up bra." or just something that gives him the idea that his nasty remarks aren't getting to you like he wants them to.
Another good idea would be to make him really think about what he's doing to you and why. If he's being constantly foul to you, just say something like "why are you being so nasty to me? You're supposed my brother, aren't you?" or "what have I even done to you to deserve you saying something like that?" Oftentimes I used that kind of stuff on my brothers when they made comments, and I think it does work to some degree in making them stop and think "that's true, why *am* I being so rude to this person who is my flesh 'n' blood, my own sibling?"

Of course, what's most important is just not letting his ->-bleeped-<- get to you, and showing him that it's not. I mean, how ironic is it that he's calling you immature for ignoring him, yet he's laughing at the idea of a female having "lady problems"? Unless he's gay or plans on being alone forever, he's going to want to get a girlfriend one day and he'll have to deal with the fact that women menstruate. The mere fact that he still finds that funny shows that HE has a lot of growing up to do. And hopefully when he does grow up, he'll realise how much of a jerk he's been to you, and he'll back off like my brothers did. He might even apologise! But if not, just know that you need to live for you, even if that means cutting certain family members out of your life whom you would otherwise be close with. Nobody deserves to have other people's rudeness and ignorance getting in the way of their happiness.

I hope this helps!

Everytime he gives a creepy smile or make a rude comment, have you tried just saying "->-bleeped-<- you" calmly and then ending the conversation right there?

Obviously he's the insecure one here, not you.  I think what you're doing takes a lot of guts.  You've done more than me.  I haven't told most of my family.  I still shave my legs and underarms because I couldn't handle comments like that.  I think you're pretty tough
But somehow, I think that your brother feels uncomfortable with your gender identity.  I don't want to assume I know all about him all the sudden.  but it is possible that he doesn't know how to take it or if he's okay with it, so he puts it down and ridicules it to build himself up and make himself feel better.  He's obviously trying to hurt you on the inside so he feels better.

Really, I know it's hard, but I think he is to be pitied.  Probably knowing more about being transgender would help him to feel less insecure about it.  but he doesn't seem like the type who's going to want to learn about it with an open mind.

So yeah, I'd just stick with the "->-bleeped-<- you" line until he gets older and more mature and hopefully he'll stop then.

1)  Learn martial arts.
2)  Put him in a choke hold.
3)  Profit.

Quote from: VeryGnawty on July 16, 2011, 12:11:56 AM
1)  Learn martial arts.
2)  Put him in a choke hold.
3)  Profit.

should work unless your brother also knows martial arts

you should try retaliating instead of defending or trying to explain yourself. when your brother calls you a girl the right answer would be "sorry, but i'm not a girl, and never was one either". that's the truth, and it's hard to find reasons to criticize a "not girl". let him figure out himself what this would suggest that you really are

and if he tries to explain your nausea as ladies problems how about saying "no, it's just that seeing your disgusting face makes me wanna puke"? you have the right to retaliate against your own siblings, everything's good as long as you don't throw the first punch. if your brother insults you, then you insult him back

thanks for the replies, very much appreciated

Just to be clear, I'm not out to my family at all. Sorry I didn't make it clear enough 

I have taken everyones comments on board and shall no doubt be employing them the next time he starts 

any other comments/views still welcome 

Quote from: Zeusinfurs on July 14, 2011, 03:22:46 PM
One good piece of advice, maybe, would be to try to be sarcastic and witty right back to him. Take his sneering, rude attitude and slap him right back in the face with it. If he asks you "So are you going to wear a frock tonight?" respond with "Yeah, and a pair of six-inch heels, and fishnets, and my best push-up bra." or just something that gives him the idea that his nasty remarks aren't getting to you like he wants them to.

I think Zeusinfurs is right on. Dont let him see it get to you and crank it up a notch every time he says something. Even better, crank it up a notch then turn it on him by suggesting that he wants to get all girly too. Get good at that and he will definately leave you alone. If he doesnt, have fun screwing with HIS head...

i have something similar going on but its not my brother its my brothers friends that are doing it. what has worked for me is scaring the ->-bleeped-<- out of them but that wont really work for you as your brother is older.

It sounds like he's just trying to be obnoxious.  My brother does the same thing from time to time, and I find it's best to just brush it off.  For example I was sitting in shorts with my cat curled up against my leg.  My brother who was sitting on the floor reached up to pet the cat and said "I hope I'm petting the cat and not (female name)'s hairy leg."  I joked about hoping my leg gets as furry as the cat, and he shut up.  He gets bored and goes to do something else if I don't seem bothered by it.

Guys love to give each other crap. It's part of the male world. Hang tough, and throw back witty sarcasm. Challenge his gender phobia. Say something like, "no, since I'm not wearing a frock tonight it's available if you're looking for something to wear", etc. Challenge his masculinity-he'll back off.

Sounds like he is just joking with you. Humor might be how he deals with your transition. Just correct him when he uses the wrong name.