Self acceptance is a big one, putting a financial burden on my wife and kids is another big one.  Right now accepting that I can either be all the things I have always been to everyone in my life, but on an ever increasing downward spiral of guilt, stress, and resentment fostered by the compartmentalization of my whole self; or I can do what it takes to be my whole self and a better person for those around me, but in that knowing that they will need to fill the role I played as a man with someone else. 

There is no easy answer, and each one will be different.  However, the common theme that you need to pay attention to is this:  If ever you catch a glimpse of the person you have always felt like inside, on the out; you run to them fast and hard.  The struggles along the way are but minor hinderances, quickly forgotten.  For once you've seen your true self, the confidence, elation, and recognition is enough to let you stop at nothing until you bring that person into being.  It doesn't matter what shape, color, or form that takes; nor what needs realigned to make it happen.  It is all about being comfortable with yourself, as your self and the enormous affirmation that brings about for yourself and those around you when it is all said and done.

Getting up everyday and trying to keep my hope alive, honestly.
I'm out to almost everyone I know, refuse to go out as anything but male, and everyone is accepting of it but it's still damn hard to be hopeful when I know even therapy is years away for me.

What saved my ass was my friends. They see me as male, whether I'm suffocating under 50 layers or sitting around the house like a scumbag. That, and going out and somehow managing to pass almost 100%.

Second hardest thing is being patient. Patient with people who don't get it, patient with my mom still calling me my birth name, patient with people I haven't told yet, and most of all with myself. I'm a "slap now, ask questions later" type of person so it's incredibly hard for me to be calm and sane when my mind's running about five different ways of being an ass to this person.

Quote from: Nygeel on July 10, 2011, 03:42:14 AM
I disagree with the "only transition if it's what you need to do." I don't feel that we should have to be in that situation (ex: suicidal) in order to transition. I probably could've been okay not transitioning but I'm much happier with myself now than I was before transitioning.

I agree with this. I think it's very extreme to think that it's either transition or die. My life is never worth taking despite if I am a woman or a man. There are far worse problems people have in life and they still hang on. Obviously it is tough to live in society as one gender and feeling the opposite but if someone jumps to suicide over it my guess is that gender issues isn't the first time that's made them think about killing themselves. Meaning that suicide sometimes is just a last resort that's always in the back of their mind as a solution to some people when their life is too hard to handle.

Quote from: Da Monkey on July 14, 2011, 09:35:53 PM
I agree with this. I think it's very extreme to think that it's either transition or die. My life is never worth taking despite if I am a woman or a man. There are far worse problems people have in life and they still hang on. Obviously it is tough to live in society as one gender and feeling the opposite but if someone jumps to suicide over it my guess is that gender issues isn't the first time that's made them think about killing themselves. Meaning that suicide sometimes is just a last resort that's always in the back of their mind as a solution to some people when their life is too hard to handle.

Nuhhhhh!
I think that it's not a universal, and that it's not always "I NEED to transition." For many people it is a need, but not for all people.

Hardest parts for me, personally:
- "Oh, it's just a phase, you silly-filly. You're a girl because [my] god made you one! Now run along, and shut up, because your identity is invalid. Only *I* am allowed to ID you. ^_^"
Dealt with it by ignoring them, and in a conversation with my dad concerning god vs. gender (he was pretty wary about the god part, since he knows we have differing beliefs) I brought up how no one can speak for a deity, so it's entirely possible body and mind can be opposite as a challenge. Others... my identity is my identity. I don't tell others who they are, so they've no right to tell me who I am.

- Unacceptance from family. There was a "legal name" and "preferred name" space on a medical form, and when I wrote my legal name, and then my male name in the preferred space, my mom scribbled it out and yelled at me.
Dealt with it by... well, biting my tongue sometimes, correcting them other times. Depends on who it is. My dying, prejudiced grandma can see a tomboy if she wants. I can get away with telling my sister I'm a boy, because she's 5 and is pretty accepting. There are fights. There are discussions.

- Physical dysphoria.
I bind, I have an stp packer that helps remarkably, I use mascara on my eyebrows and eyeliner/eye shadow on my upper lip, and if none of that helps, I write. I write in a journal or something, or I'll sit in the shower in the dark for a while. My dysphoria comes in short, spread-out bursts that never last longer than a day.

- People just not ->-bleeped-<-ing getting it. Calling me she/her, or by my given name. Referring to me as a girl, or constantly asking me about the state and texture of my genitals without the excuse of being my doctor or someone I'm boning.
Dealt with it by... I understand, really, if I'm not close to them at all, so they don't know. But for friends and such, I'm just really insistent, but patient. My sister will call me her brother, but she uses my given name, which makes me cringe. I tend to just correct people and say it's a family nickname (which is kinda true), but they can't call me it. As for genital questions, I just tell them it's none of their business, that unless they wish to suck it it is of no concern to them, or that I have unicorn testicles and a horn in the place of a penis.


I never really had self acceptance issues. I think around the time I realized I was a guy, I was weird about it for about 10 minutes. Then I just took it to be a part of life, and never had a problem since.

Quote from: Nygeel on July 10, 2011, 03:42:14 AM
I disagree with the "only transition if it's what you need to do." I don't feel that we should have to be in that situation (ex: suicidal) in order to transition. I probably could've been okay not transitioning but I'm much happier with myself now than I was before transitioning.

Totally agree with this.. Life mostly sucked before but was tolerable, now I am MUCH happier. I wasn't going to kill myself over being trans and living as the wrong gender, does that mean I should have stayed living as a guy? I lived andro for a long time and honestly THAT was harder that anything... IMHO the hardest part was getting up the courage to just do it. The rest fell into place.

For me its knowing that no matter how many hormones or surgeries i get i will never be a biological male......................................................  Also its also that my mom belittles me especially in public and tells me she cant call me shaun and he cause ''its against the law its fraud''. She does it to hurt me on purpose, i know it. I'd like to slit her throat thats how much i hate her. Ive been on T for 9mos and have asked to go by shaun for 1.5 yrs now and ive dressed andpresented myselfto society as mle for 8 yrs almost half my life

QuoteFor me its knowing that no matter how many hormones or surgeries i get i will never be a biological male......................................................  Also its also that my mom belittles me especially in public and tells me she cant call me shaun and he cause ''its against the law its fraud''. She does it to hurt me on purpose, i know it. I'd like to slit her throat thats how much i hate her. Ive been on T for 9mos and have asked to go by shaun for 1.5 yrs now and ive dressed andpresented myselfto society as mle for 8 yrs almost half my life

How on earth is it "fraud" to call you Shaun in general public places? It's not like a cop's gonna run up and go, "NO! NO ONE CAN USE NICKNAMES OR PREFERRED NAMES EVER! LEGALS ONLY D8<" I'd understand a bit if it were court or doctors... or something. (if you've it legally changed, though, she's being really stupid.)

People can be terrible, dude.

Thanks everyone who replied!
All of the different feelings and opinions have really given me new things to think about.
Though I'm pretty sure that I will transition at some point in my life (and soon I think), my therapist suggestted I do this, and this has actually helped a lot!

Quote from: torysorus on July 17, 2011, 11:38:49 AM
Thanks everyone who replied!
All of the different feelings and opinions have really given me new things to think about.
Though I'm pretty sure that I will transition at some point in my life (and soon I think), my therapist suggestted I do this, and this has actually helped a lot!

Your welcome and my feeling on transition is: When you get old you will regret more the things you didn't do more than anything you did.. I should have done this a LONG time ago but glad I finally did!

Actually, the hardest part for me is my mom and her acceptance. It matters at the moment because I live with her and whenever I go out in public with her or even at home I feel super uncomfortable.

Quote from: Ryan J on July 11, 2011, 12:38:20 AM
I kind of agree with Nygeel and Adio... Last August before I came out I was dealing daily with suicidal thoughts and had almost had a perfect plan to off myself, but I don't think it was really a transgender thing. I was just dealing with a lot of bull->-bleeped-<-. After I came out though, and was met with a lot of approval from old family friends, I definitely felt a hell of a lot better. I do question it still from time to time but there's no doubt in my mind that I am not "cisgender". I tried to be a woman in high school and college and I know for a fact now that that's pretty much the last thing I am.

I think for me the hardest thing about transitioning so far is just understanding who I am and how far I need to go. It's not about want, really. I would like to get a hysterectomy and mastectomy but I don't think I'll have any genitoplasty.

The next hardest thing is family. I told my dad and a few other relatives, and due to the nature of my extended family, they probably all know now. Everything is really tense and awkward between me and my family. I came out as lesbian at 16 and since then I've just been "the other kid" to everyone. The bad apple. This is just the rotting cherry on top of the overcooked cake. I even went as far as to tell my aunt and dad when I was going through a questioning period that I would always be their "daughter/niece". Bleh.

So now I have to explain to me dad, again, that I will be transitioning and going on hormones, regardless of how it'll affect him and his life. He called me "selfish" because I didn't consider how my "choice" would affect his relationship. Seriously, if the bitch he's dating leaves him because of something he can't even control, she doesn't deserve him anyway. >.>

/rant.

My mom did the same thing to me and still does from time to time. She calls me selfish for not considering what "this is doing to her" and to "keep her in mind" and stuff. As for my dad, I'm not sure what he would've thought, but I think he would've been supportive. My dad committed suicide in 2008. He didn't even say goodbye.
Anyway, I think he would've accepted me more because he had borderline personality disorder, and he crossdressed form time to time and sometimes went to clubs as female. Even with my mom when they were married way bacjk when. Oh well
I forgot the point of this reply.
Oh yeah.
I had suicidal thoughts as well, and sometimes cutting occurred, but I try to use my dad as an example of what not to do.
I don't know if I just ranted or not  but .. yeah.

Quote from: N.Chaos on July 11, 2011, 10:32:18 AM

Second hardest thing is being patient. Patient with people who don't get it, patient with my mom still calling me my birth name, patient with people I haven't told yet, and most of all with myself. I'm a "slap now, ask questions later" type of person so it's incredibly hard for me to be calm and sane when my mind's running about five different ways of being an ass to this person.

As Nick said
being patient, is Diffently! hard, specielly if your planning on transdition but cant, the time to wait are horrible. if your in puberty it dooble hard because you feel like very day make your body "more female"
it extremly stressfull, and the only advise I can give is to DO something, if you just wait you are wasting your time, even if you has to for a reason do something who will get usefull in the future,
do exercise, spare up money, reserch, start studing something, or learning something new who kan keep your mind buzy..

rejection and ignorance
is hard to deal with specially if it somehow personal or some people close to you who are ignotent.
your famely, your friends friend, and so on, I try to take most with a smile if I can. the fear of losing people are also bad, and the middle space where you dont know if they will accept you or not, can be worse than a clear rejection.