This has been an interesting discussion which I have enjoyed very much. The timing is good in that I have been giving this a lot of thought lately. I think on an individual level each person has the right to choose what is best for them in how they choose to present and live in the "world." And I fully support whatever decision people make in their lives. Maybe because I have lately been reading Kate Bornstein and Leslie Feinberg, my view on passing, SRS, pre-opt, post-opt, male, female, feminism, masculinity, passing, etc. is taking a somewhat different turn.
I have been thinking that "passing" is buying into the gender binary and is not a positive goal. In the gender binary society uses humiliation and violence to keep people in their pink or blue boxes (lives), and god help anyone that dares to stray from what is deemed acceptable. This means that feminine men, masculine woman, transgenders, transexuals, cross-dressers, lesbians, gays, bi-sexuals, genderqueers, and countless others who don't fit or choose to not live by the strict rules of conduct for men or women will be ostricized, riduculed, and risk violence.
I am beginning to believe that the gender binary is responsible for transphobia, homophobia, violence against woman, male privilege, unequal pay for equal work, for the sociatal belief that men are inherently better than woman.
My goal when I started this journey was to pass, now I'm not so sure. I get angry thinking about how our young trans children are bullied, abandoned by their families, and made to feel inferior. I get upset that any gender variant person, human being has to always look over their shoulder in fear of losing their job, home, family, friends, and life. And for me the concept of stealth and passing is buying into and giving power to the system that allows this to happen.
To answer the question from my individual perspective I do believe that living in stealth does hurt everyone, it limits choices people can freely make to live their lives however they choose as long as it doesn't hurt or diminish anyone else. I am a veteran who joined the military in the belief I was serving my country and defending individual liberty and freedom. But what I am learning is that there are limits on those freedoms, the most basic of which is to live a life free of fear and degradation, if we don't choose to live a very narrow definition of what is a man or a woman.
I don't know if this makes any sense or if anyone agrees with me, but for me, today this is how I see it. Who knows, I am still thinking this through and I don't know how I will see it in the future, I am continuing to evolve and this is part of the process for me.
I wish eveyone best wishes and good fortune.
Maya