so i'm leaving for college next week and the girl that i've literally been madly in love with for the past 4 years (but has a boyfriend who isn't me ) "wants to see me one last time". she's known how i felt for a really long time, but i was also presenting as female when this all started.

i really want opinions on how i should say goodbye. i've wanted to kiss her for over four years, but i really don't know how awkward it would be/how mad she would get because she knows that i know that she has a boyfriend. on the other hand, how badly would i beat myself up for the rest of forever if i didn't at least try? i was also thinking about writing her a letter saying everything i wanted to say but never got a chance instead of anything physical or in addition to it.

seriously any advice or suggestions are welcome... i'm actually distressed even though it sounds dumb.

Quote from: Caseyy on August 13, 2011, 11:05:44 PM
You could always tell her how you feel if it's very important to you.

the thing is, she already knows and it's an awkward balance of being ok with it and us just being friends. ugh so confusing.

You know when the shark bites off your arm and swims away you have to let go of it.  You waited too long if you about to do this before you split.  Let it be a lesson for the next time and just walk away from this one.

Hey Ryan what's up...here's the deal...you said a couple of things that lead me to believe, she may feel the same awkward feeling that you are feeling...not going to run through them, but listen...

Let's say her and her beau are on rocky terms, and she feels that she can connect with you, because you still might harbor some type of feelings for her, as a "male" as-well-as-a-fe-male...

As a woman, she might of been thrilled, at the thought of a relationship with another fe-male...it's a known fact that most "straight" females fantasy, is to have a sexual liaison with another woman, with that being said...

It's a good possibility that now that you are presenting, as a male, she might be intrigued by your chic male-ness...I know my girl was...because coming from both sides of the track, I knew how to handle her like a man, but sensually like she wanted to be held...if you get my drift...

My advice to you, is to wait...let her make the first move...say it with me, please, "We are NOT into embarrassing ourself...now are we...NO!"
So, let her make the first move...if both of you are stumbling, that something is not being said. Try to figure out what she wants to say, before leaping into the ocean, when you really need to be in the pond!

Trust me, woman are just, as confused as, we are... Pero Oyame Ryan..have the letter already written, and if there is any inclination that she understands how you feel, as a person, then by all means, give it to her, and tell her, "I'm giving this to you 'cause I thought you should know something..." And that's all you need to say...Baby-Boi, if you are comfortable with yourself, it doesn't matter what you tell her, cause there are other fishes in the sea, who want and like people just as yourself...

for future reference...if you just want to talk, I'm here buddy...sometimes at all "wee" hours of the night...

Take care on your endeavor....

QuoteUgh, I hope you can ignore some of the transphobic "advice" right above.

Don't kno if that is meant for me, or jus "general" No worries at any rate...Listen Ryan...no-one can really tell YOU what to do or how YOU feel...nor can WE speak about the young Lady's intentions...ONLY YOU kno' this....with that being said, don't really understand the "transphobic" usage here  either some-one is attempting to be funny, but inside probably has no idea about relationship...again 

Forghet the negativity, and focus on the positivity...in NO way am I saying "Take THIS woman from her man..." but what I am saying IS, "The two of you have history together..." and like any relationship and the age old phrase, "You snooze you lose..." well Ryan it is safe to say, that you might of "snoozed" awhile back when you were hesitant, as a "female".

And now that you are "transforming", your head is becoming a bit clearer..., as I have said before, wait for her to make the first move...if the feeling is the same as yours, it is a good possible that SHE has been waiting for you to make the move...whether as a female or male....

My favorite saying is this, "ONLY YOU can prevent forrest fires..." the meaning is quite simple, "It's YOUR choice to make the call"!

Ryan you can either make the "wrong" decision and ghet burned or you can make the "right" decision and have a sizzling relationship....

But a word of wisdom here...be careful, hearts and emotions are nothing to play with...meaning Yours...if her intentions are "pure" you will know it
...and if they are just curiously unsettled...you will know this, as well...just "PAY CLOSE ATTENTION" to her "RHYTHMS" her "VIBE" and her "SINCERITY"

You can't go wrong there...Whatever "Our" species, one thing is for certain, "WE ALL" strive and want the same thing....acceptance for "WHO" and "WHAT" we are...this holds true for ALL of the animal kingdom....

and if IT is just curiosity...YOU being WHO YOU ARE NOW....then go with the grain...this will be a good experience on how YOU deal with things in the world, and as a TG-Male....

***A Side Note*** I have been living as a Gender-male for almost 35yrs now, and I have NO problem being me or going out being me...I have a LadyFriend who understands me, and has NO problem being with me or accepting my "transformation..."

And for the above statement: Kvall

Transphobia: is a range of negative attitudes and feelings towards transsexualism and transsexual or transgender people, based on the expression of their internal gender identity...! Can WE say Duh!!!

"Transphobic" yeah right 

Positivity is a blissfulness that "most" just don't get...can WE say Duh! again 

Ryan I offer "Positive insight" and that is what YOU should focus on...live your life to tha fullest Baby-Boi...focusing ONLY on the positivity...yes negative "vibes" will try to infiltrate your world...but grab it by tha "Balls" find a window and blow it straight tha F#*K out...

Remember, Lil Cub, "ONLY YOU CAN PREVENT FORREST FIRES!"


***DON"T let my usage of American colloquialism fool you, that's jus me being "down-to-earth" I am very much experienced in the "Social Ethics" of TG-males...35yrs...I don't practice negativity...

i guess it just sucks and it has sucked for 4 years because i knew she wasn't a lesbian or attracted to females or female-bodied people. we do have history, and i guess i always hoped that once i started presenting as a guy (i couldn't until now, i went to catholic school) that things would be different. telling me i shouldn't have waited does me no good and depresses me because i had no choice. before you say something like it shouldn't matter what i look like, well i disagree because i would have a hard time being in a relationship with a male-bodied person who has a beard and dresses like a carpenter, even if that person told me they were a female. i'm just not attracted to males or people who look like them.

anyways, i decided that i'm just going to see what happens when we see each other and let her make the first move, if anything at all. i decided i'd rather always have to wonder what kissing her would have been like, rather than get slapped the last time i ever saw her and know we have no chance of speaking again.

Everything about this situation points to just letting her go. I'm obviously viewing this practically and from an outsiders point of view, only you and her truly know the ins and outs of the relationship.

Option 1- you do just say a final goodbye. You go to college, meet some amazing people, maybe meet an amazing girl. Other girl is forgotten about within a month. I don't mean to sound harsh but college=attractive smart women+parties.

Option 2- you go in for the kiss and she goes with it. She decides to dump her boyfriend and you two end up in a long distance relationship (is that really what you're looking for?).

Option 3- you go in for the kiss and she rejects it. You go to college depressed.

Sooo everyone is focusing on this situation....but I would like to know, what are you studying at school?

I'm a Philosophy major, really...couldn't tell huh!

I've travelled many foreign seas, and believe me, there are a lot of fishes in the sea...You'll do just fine Ryan

Head up...Pip-pip..and all that jazz...d most of all "NEVER DOUBT YOU!," and "NEVER HESITATE!"

PEACE OUT!

I wouldn't say a word to her about it. I find unrequited love creepy. I wouldn't want to know someone silently loved me for years instead of moving on. My ex that I broke up with a year ago texted me the other day. It was obvious they still have feelings for me. It bothers me that they are still clinging on. If they contacted me 3 years from now and confessed their undying love for me I would jump out of my skin. I would appreciate it even less if they knew I was in a relationship. I know you guys haven't dated, so it's a little different, but still I wouldn't say anything. Just keep it friendly. And don't beat yourself up. Work on accepting the situation and move on.

Quote from: Sharky on August 15, 2011, 08:12:11 PM
I wouldn't say a word to her about it. I find unrequited love creepy. I wouldn't want to know someone silently loved me for years instead of moving on. My ex that I broke up with a year ago texted me the other day. It was obvious they still have feelings for me. It bothers me that they are still clinging on. If they contacted me 3 years from now and confessed their undying love for me I would jump out of my skin. I would appreciate it even less if they knew I was in a relationship. I know you guys haven't dated, so it's a little different, but still I wouldn't say anything. Just keep it friendly. And don't beat yourself up. Work on accepting the situation and move on.

I know what you mean, my ex messages me every couple of years saying she still loves me and all that stuff. It's just weird because how the hell can she love me when she really doesn't even know me anymore.

Anyway, I guess I am biased since I will never understand how people can be in love for so many years with someone who has other relationships while being your friend. When I like someone unless something happens soon I lose interest fast sexually and move on or stay friends. I also think if anything was going to happen it would have by now. But really know one understands the situation better than you, it just sounds like you should move on. There will be lots of girls in college for sure.

Quote from: LaPapito on August 15, 2011, 05:11:40 AM
Hey Ryan what's up...here's the deal...you said a couple of things that lead me to believe, she may feel the same awkward feeling that you are feeling...not going to run through them, but listen...

Let's say her and her beau are on rocky terms, and she feels that she can connect with you, because you still might harbor some type of feelings for her, as a "male" as-well-as-a-fe-male...

As a woman, she might of been thrilled, at the thought of a relationship with another fe-male...it's a known fact that most "straight" females fantasy, is to have a sexual liaison with another woman, with that being said...

It's a good possibility that now that you are presenting, as a male, she might be intrigued by your chic male-ness...I know my girl was...because coming from both sides of the track, I knew how to handle her like a man, but sensually like she wanted to be held...if you get my drift...

My advice to you, is to wait...let her make the first move...say it with me, please, "We are NOT into embarrassing ourself...now are we...NO!"
So, let her make the first move...if both of you are stumbling, that something is not being said. Try to figure out what she wants to say, before leaping into the ocean, when you really need to be in the pond!

Trust me, woman are just, as confused as, we are... Pero Oyame Ryan..have the letter already written, and if there is any inclination that she understands how you feel, as a person, then by all means, give it to her, and tell her, "I'm giving this to you 'cause I thought you should know something..." And that's all you need to say...Baby-Boi, if you are comfortable with yourself, it doesn't matter what you tell her, cause there are other fishes in the sea, who want and like people just as yourself...

for future reference...if you just want to talk, I'm here buddy...sometimes at all "wee" hours of the night...

Take care on your endeavor....

I bolded all that I think was taken as 'transphobic'. I wouldn't necessarily call it that but I think you are assuming he is a "transman" "tboi" etc when he isn't, he is just a man who happens to be trans. (If I remember correctly from previous posts).

That's great if you are but I wouldn't classify myself as that either, I don't want a girl who is "intrigued" by my "chick male-ness" or be her "baby boi" hahah. That sounds awful to me but other guys are good with that.

Quote from: Da Monkey on August 15, 2011, 09:06:56 PM
I bolded all that I think was taken as 'transphobic'. I wouldn't necessarily call it that but I think you are assuming he is a "transman" "tboi" etc when he isn't, he is just a man who happens to be trans. (If I remember correctly from previous posts).

That's great if you are but I wouldn't classify myself as that either, I don't want a girl who is "intrigued" by my "chick male-ness" or be her "baby boi" hahah. That sounds awful to me but other guys are good with that.

thanks da monkey. i really am just a man. i threw up in my mouth a little when i read "chic male-ness". i had to look up what the word chic was that's now not chic i am.

I find unrequited love creepy.
And the longer it's gone on, the creepier it is.

let her make the first move
The highly technical word for boys who have not learned to make the first move is 'virgin.'  Boys are pretty much required to take that risk - they make the initial emotional bet - they ask, girls respond in typical fashion.  My guess is that the reason this has gone on for so long like it has is precisely because he was waiting for her to make the move, or at least show a sign and she didn't. 


Besides, it's always great to have a few that get away.  You might well grow up a lot at college (or you won't last long, that's pretty much the option), she will change too, you'll see each other on breaks - who knows what might go down later?

Quote from: tekla on August 15, 2011, 10:00:40 PM
I find unrequited love creepy.
And the longer it's gone on, the creepier it is.

let her make the first move
The highly technical word for boys who have not learned to make the first move is 'virgin.'  Boys are pretty much required to take that risk - they make the initial emotional bet - they ask, girls respond in typical fashion.  My guess is that the reason this has gone on for so long like it has is precisely because he was waiting for her to make the move, or at least show a sign and she didn't. 


Besides, it's always great to have a few that get away.  You might well grow up a lot at college (or you won't last long, that's pretty much the option), she will change too, you'll see each other on breaks - who knows what might go down later?

uh thanks? i'm pretty sure that i mentioned a while ago that i had decided what to do. but on top of that, i don't find advice based on outdated stereotypes helpful.

and not that it's any of your business but i am neither a virgin nor do i always let women "go first", but my best relationships with them have been initiated from their side.

Ok fellows don't "rag" on me...Lingo is a beautiful thang....and besides while you'all consider yerselves "male" as do I...but I am Metro-sextual...so my terminology is a tad bit different from yours...I still am the same, male through and through...just Metro...Not gay...Metro

So Chic-ness...if you will, is a term I use often with my peers...not to be offensively used here...in now way...hey Ryan you need a pail? 

and beside, I was just trying to add some liteness to a very awkward situation...my "bad" if you "fellows" didn't see that...how about heading to the closes bar and throwing back afew "brews" Im'a "Landshark" drinker myself any takers....

But seriously...don't let my lingo fool yah...or my "Metro-ness" intimidate... I'm tha same as you'all...


P.S. It twas Ryan...not my intentions to offend you or anyone else...WE are ALL from different parts of the "spectrum" I have posted on some sites that you too have posted, as well and you can clearly see...that my point of views are clearly Philosophical in content...and are not meant to harm or discriminate on any level....that being said,

Don't let this be a misunderstanding....cause "I can swing with tha best of them"

Hey Ry-Ry [Puts hands on hip, while smoking a Black & Mild] since when is "Chic" a derogatory word...on any level....

Transphobic...You blasted me of being ignorant...Really!!!

Tis a shame that YOU and "Da Monkey", don't kno a compliment when you ghet one...I guess that's why 'es "da monkey" and you's "da follower"

So it's true, "Monkey see, as da Monkey do...!"

Now let's be like men and go grab a beer...!

LaPapito, is English your first language?

Quote from: Sharky on August 17, 2011, 10:19:50 PM
LaPapito, is English your first language?

Why yes  actually it is...Thank you fer asking...I enjoy playing with words, rather entertaining...don't you think?

Oh I "ghet it now" American Colloquialism is not a major curriculum here in the United States...Sorry, I didn't ghet tha memo

My "bad..." 

Just a bit smitten, because some "JERK" claimed that I was being "Transphobic" hahaha, as if...for using words like boi, and male-chic-ness, to be viewed as insults...on what planet is "chic-ness" "boi" insults..."Transphobic" in itself, means negativity towards something/someone

No-one is doubting anyones "manliness" here, but "intelligence"... Now that's a whole new ball-game...

In all my years of being on this site, I have never been slammed for ignorance... "noobies" come along, and all of a sudden the entire world is wrong, and everyone acts like they are being "insulted"  know the "lingo" pee-poles, and please try to differentiate the difference, between an insult and a compliment...the two are miles apart...

And just so "YOU ALL" know, whether I speakaH tha Anglish language well, good or not, I don't post to give nor to receive insults...It IS very much...A waste of MY DA%N time...

I'll Thank you all for not responding...LaPapito

Let's ghet-a-long little doggies....That's Western lingo...in case anyone here feels it to be an insulting statement!

Colloquailism--characteristic of or appropriate to ordinary or familiar standard usage of the written or verbal language

You Feel Me...that's "street" talk fo' can you dig it, everything straight...and whatever else you feel tha need to place there...Language...gotta love it!!!

PEACE OUT!

Why are you getting so defensive towards me? I said if those words work for you that's great. lol ->-bleeped-<-.

And taking a hit at my username? Really? While you're still in the first grade why not learn some English.

lapapito, i'd also like to know why i received a negative reputation for this post. where did i display "pure ignorance"? how can i be ignorant to the goings on of my own life, and what harm was there in asking for helpful advice?