Things have been really tough these couple of days.  I feel I am suffocating in the environment I am living in.  Due to financial difficulties and other things I came back to live with my parents since a almost a year.  My parents live in a third world country so I don't have the luxury of living in the US anymore where a lot of things for transgendered people are available.  Also one of the things that made me come back home is being close to my mom.  She has given me so much support.

However now I am feeling that living with my mom is becoming an issue.  I once told her about my transgendered identity and she was like I am not ready to speak about this at all. That was about 4 years ago. Since then I have never brought the subject up with her and I don't think I ever will.

I feel that my mom will not understand me.  My theory is that most people especially women, and especially in the part of the world I am living in, have not examined their gender.  Even cis gendered people have not questioned their gender or understood it.  They take it for granted and they do not appreciate what they have. So for me to question my gender is something totally new and for me to ask my mom for support is very difficult. 

Another example of why I feel my mom is not going to understand and will hinder my gender exploration is that the way she treats my sister.  My sister is not allowed to do many things, she has to take care about her weight, she has to get ready to get pregnant... all the things that society want for a woman not what she is comfortable doing.  So I feel that my mom is not able to think outside the box, and in the part of the world where I am living the box is very small, and if I ever express my gender exploration I feel that I will box myself in such a small space that I will feel suffocated.

So I feel so depressed that on the one hand I feel that my livelihood is dependent on living with my mom because I am so depressed and I need her and on the other hand I feel the limitation from the environment where I am living in and from my mom.

I used to say that I would take all the crap from living with my dad than be in my sister's place and take the loads and loads of crap that she gets from my mom. My mom cannot see that a woman could excel better than her, and her situation is limited in the first place.

Sounds like you're in a tough place, but keep your head up.

I have something for you to try. Do this and it could change your life - it did mine. I was in a similar situation a few years ago and a friend of mine passed this on to me. It's free, and all it requires is the willingness to want more out of life.

Here it is. Learn to use the word "incredible." This sounds over simplistic, but that word is powerful in ways you can't imagine. You can't overuse it. Despite how you may feel, tell yourself you're "incredible". If anyone asks how you are...You're incredible. When you greet someone rather than ask them how they feel, tell them they look incredible. If anyone asks how was your day...It was incredible. Keep doing this all day every day.

How does such a simple thing work so miraculously? It's simple. People in your environment reflect what they see, and most people have too many depressing things in their lives. If you ask people how they are today they'll usually answer with something like, "fine", "okay", "I've had better days", "I could be better", or the worse response is they'll tell you how they really feel and bring you down to where you feel bad too. If they ask you how you feel and you respond with an uncommon upbeat answer like "incredible", two things will happen. Their face will light up in delight because they're not used to getting such a response, and seeing their face light up will make yours light up too and both of you walk away from that greeting feeling better than you did before you met. You do this with everyone you meet and if you greet 50 people today, you will have made 50 people feel better and you've provided yourself with the opportunity to feel better 50 times too. Rather than ask someone how they are today, tell them they look incredible. Same effect. You do this and in a weeks time you'll be able to kiss the 'life sucks' attitude goodbye forever.

I started doing this at work. I'm not saying you'll get the same results, but within three months I was offered a promotion, a huge raise, and all because this one simple word brought me out of the doldrums and I was able to gain an attitude that people wanted to be around.

Try it. IT WORKS!