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How did your gf react to your genitals changing?

Started by slinky, July 24, 2011, 09:24:57 AM

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Wil Najera

she calls me Todd and refers to me as a guy. so... idk. like i said, well see.
~wiLeeuhm~
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GQjoey

I like how you guys are quick to assume she's going to leave him. Way to be supportive.

It's not much different than a straight chick being in a relationship with a pre-op f2m. Typically straight women aren't into dudes with tits.  And I'm not talking little fatty man boobs. Yeah - maybe down the road she'll have a change of heart. Or maybe she'll remember she fell in love with the person he is.

I've never been with a lesbian woman, as I've never identified as one. But I do know a f2m who has had top/bottom surgeries who is still with his partner from long before his transition. They started as a lesbian couple, and she's completely fine in their "heterosexual " relationship now. 
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Logan

See ... I told Kate really early on (as in ... just a month or so into actually 'dating' ... we were just bang buddies for a few months to start ;)   )  and I'm just now getting the opportunity to (3 years later) .. now that we have cut my family out of the equation it's very very easy for her to say 'he' ... my family still doesn't know whats going on ... and I anticipate being cut off from the family when I do tell them ... I just need to get the last of my stuff from their house and then I'm writing them an email ...

I guess Kate was a little wary when I first broke the news to her ... mostly because she didn't really know what was entailed in it ... now she does ... and she doesn't care.  Sure ... she calls me a hairy beast ... but .. I am ... I started t the first week of April and I already have tummy/butt/thigh and working on the arm hair ... not to mention the start of a goatee and a pretty thick stache ... it just needs to get darker haha.

I'm sorry but imho ... a year isn't a long time AT ALL ... no matter 'what you've been thru' ... this is a rather big change for some one who's STILL new in your life to accept ... she may stick it out ... but I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't.

@Nygeel ... it's bad ... I have it on the top, bottom, in between and allll the way around.  Good enough I'm not really sure where pubic hair ends and leg hair starts these days :-P
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Wil Najera

my wife's extremely excited about picking out my new manly wardrobe. :)
~wiLeeuhm~
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VeryGnawty

Quote from: todd.landon.vitale on August 08, 2011, 05:46:16 PM
my wife's extremely excited about picking out my new manly wardrobe. :)

That's good news!  It sounds like you and your wife have chemistry.
"The cake is a lie."
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Da Monkey

If my girlfriend started crying I don't know what I would have done either.

It's changed but I don't think it's dramatic.  :-\
The story is the same, I've just personalized the name.
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Wil Najera

Quote from: VeryGnawty on August 08, 2011, 08:21:00 PM
That's good news!  It sounds like you and your wife have chemistry.

we sure do! :) and plenty of it to spare. no one should really judge and automatically say she'll leave me unless they've actually seen us together.
~wiLeeuhm~
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slinky

Thanks for all the replies..

It's been an interesting read..

Like i said before we've been together 3 years and we are going to see a support group on tues... They are there for myself and to help significant others.

Fingers crossed that it all works out for us..
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Alessandro

Hmm, my response is probably irrelevant because I'm gay but here it is.  Me and my boyfriend are both FtM.  He's been on T for a year and a half and I just can't see his genitals as female.  I really enjoy what he's got and am looking forward to being that way myself because I have a lot of problems with what I have right now.  It was a real reassurance for me to see how much it could all change down there.  Sadly, I expect if someone is really into female genitals I doubt the transman genitals would be very attractive to them.  But people don't love each other just for their genitals, just bear that in mind   :)
"You can't look where you're going if you don't know where you're going"
-Labyrinth
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okydoky

I also don't think you guys should be so quick to judge Todd and his relationship.

First off - a year CAN be plenty of time to develop a strong bond with someone. My wife and I were engaged 7 months into our relationship, and had our private wedding ceremony on our 1 year anniversary - and in a month we'll be celebrating 5 years together (4 years married). Back then, I wasn't even aware I'm FTM. I felt I had issues, but couldn't decipher them. After watching other guys and hearing them talk, I identified with a lot of the things that they said. Still was quite unsure of things like whether or not to transition, how my partner would react (since she would often say she doesn't trust men and had never let herself fall for a guy). So, when I dropped hints, reactions were mixed, but mainly since she hadn't realised those were hints since I'd always been pretty genderbending (as has she). Finally, when she'd read something I'd written (about a year ago now), she let me know that she'd be with me no matter what.

She has expressed concerns with me transitioning but primarily for medical reasons. She's especially worried about me having any surgery since she's always had a fear of doctors and has only visited a doctor maybe twice in her life. So her issue is not with how this or that will look, but rather my health and well-being. She is fond of certain things as they are now (pre-everything), but that doesn't mean she is against change. We've both agreed that phalloplasty is not an option since it's higher-risk, etc., but we're really not getting into any other details now, and we're just taking things a step at a time. I tell her about my visits to my psychologist and she knows my transition plans and supports me, but is just worried. As for her previous trust issues with guys and not falling for them - she says that since she fell in love with me before she knew I was a guy, she's now helpless - she can't help but continue to love and trust me.

In one moment she had even said she wishes transition, like most other things in our lives, was something we could both experience simultaneously - like this she probably feels left out (we're so alike and connected that sometimes people ask if we're twins, so this will be a big thing that would make us less alike physically). I know she was comforted by hearing that most guys don't suddenly become aggressive jerks due to T - you're still you. Not sure if it will help (so she doesn't feel left out) to make her an active part of my transition once things start or not (e.g. have her give me shots and/or document my transition, etc.).

Anyway, I don't know how and whether anything will change once I start physically transitioning, but so far she's been great about calling me male (which is even harder to get used to in Croatian than it is in English - even I slip up from time to time), she's even helped me out a few times in public if someone is confused about my gender or something - she'll say 'he's a guy' or something to that effect.

All in all, it REALLY depends on you, your SO and your relationship together - there are so many factors at play - no one can really say one way or the other what will or won't happen. For us, an end to our relationship is something we just can't see - we'd really have to betray one another for that to happen. Otherwise, we're life partners, end of story. We get along all too well and can really communicate and work things out - pretty difficult things - with relative ease, that we just can't see it any other way.

So, to anyone dealing with partner issues, just take it easy, give them time to adjust, and if they can, good, if not, then I guess it's just not meant to be - but don't let others tell you your relationship will or will not work out - that's too individual for people to judge/generalise on.
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DogDeadByRaven

I don't know if it counts the same as I don't have a g/f but a b/f. I know my bf has been very happy over the last two years with the changes (probably a good part of that is because hes gay and has no interest in women). Hes become a lot more open and has asked more about when and if I plan on taking the next step surgery wise. I'm glad to have someone as excited about it as I am.
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austin86

My ex who was my girlfriend at the time I first started T hated it, she refused to go down there after the changes. The funny thing is is that before T she always wanted to please me but I refused because of my dysphoria. Then the T helped me overcome it and I wanted her to please me so bad and she refused. It probably makes a big difference here letting you know she was a hardcore lesbian.
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grrl1nside

Quote from: VeryGnawty on August 04, 2011, 06:16:06 AM
If someone is concerned with physical appearances at all, then they are usually concerned with the whole package... I'm bi, so I could probably survive a transition in a relationship if the SO didn't significantly change in personality or interests.

I think Gnawty may be right. Transition when adding hormones is a heck of a lot of change for not just us but for our partners. They know who and what they love right now. They want us and themselves to be happy. I know my wife is a little bit anxious about the possible personality changes, but she already loves my feminine traits. In fact, she prefers them so that is a plus for me and she is bi-. The other thing is that a lot of people will wonder whether you will still love them after the change. The fear is that if you change so much then maybe you won't be the same person or be attracted and love them any longer. If you value your significant other and really want a chance for the relationship to survive and ultimately grow then you will need to be very patient and understanding. A partner withdrawing from sex is not necessarily the end or even a sign of it. It may be that it just shows how much more communication there needs to be throughout the entire transition process as it is not just you transitioning. Your relationship will need to transition too. Good luck to you all and to your partners.
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Wil Najera

Quote from: Alessandro on August 11, 2011, 07:41:59 AM
  But people don't love each other just for their genitals, just bear that in mind   :)

i concur :)
~wiLeeuhm~
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Wil Najera

so me and my wife had a great discussion the other day. she never realised how much she liked my transitioning till she was telling a friend about it. :) her friend asked her to what extent i would be transitioning. if i were going to get top and bottom surgery or what? see melissa and i made a deal, she can get her form of top surgery, (makin the twins match and be a tad more perky. ;) ) and i can get mine. at first she wasnt ok with bottom surgery as i told u guys before because of the whole lesbian issue. lol. but she told me that she realised something while talking to her friend. she absolutely adores the way i light up when i talk about my transitioning. she loves how happy it makes me even when i just got a binder. she thought about it alot, and she's decided that it dosent matter if i have different genitals, all that matters is that she is so much more in love with me than she could ever dream of being with someone. she knows how happy it makes me to finally be transitioning. and she could never put a stipulation on my happiness. :) i started crying when she told me all of this. it's like the final piece just got placed into my puzzle. i'm finally going to feel like the man i've always been. and to top it off, i have the one person who makes me feel like i am invincible, standing by my side. melissa means the universe to me. and nothing makes me happier than seeing her face every morning. i cant tell you how much of a relief it is to have heard her say all of that to me. :) im on effing cloud nine. :D
~wiLeeuhm~
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