I sort of have a difficult situation, and I was hoping to figure out how to cope with it... I find myself deeply attracted to homosexual males(on a larger scale than I am to heterosexual males).. and as of now I am still functioning as a "heterosexual female"... I haven't undergone any sort of therapy or hormone treatment, but recently my homosexual friend had tinkered with the idea of trying a relationship with me.. and it all came out again. I have been getting explicit fantasies and thoughts about him now and they will not stop, since the idea of a man that would accept certain things I have never been able to do to my past relationships before.... my sexual urges are getting almost unbearable.. however, I feel he may be waffling on the idea and its really confusing as hell.... since the idea of having what I honestly and truly desire was discussed, but then nothing else came from it. I don't even know what he meant by wanting to try a relationship with me (hes a virgin) Because if he wanted to marry, have kids, etc or something, I wouldn't know if I honestly could come through without hindering a very important piece of my happieness... (I am fairly certain I intend on going through with srs once I can afford to... but right now I have to deal with the fact that I can't be who I want to be (which depresses me) When i told him what was going on he sort of came off as ignorant and said it was silly... which really hurt my feelings. Now every once in awhile when I flirt with him, he makes it a point to say "you don't have the right parts" which is like a dagger to me... (sometimes I can muster up the courage to retort "there's shops for that") ....Maybe he is just confused about the whole concept, or maybe he is uncomfortable at the thought. But I have to remind him time and time again that his insensitive comments really hurt my feelings. But the worse part is, I have a sort of embarrassing problem that causes my genitals to constantly and quite easily be stimulated. So he doe's these things "normal" "females" wouldn't notice or care about, but I do, since I think much like a male... I act a lot like one. So when he does them it turns me on massively and he laughs at me when I holler at him to please stop... (bending over infront of me, making certain noises...) All this teasing really frusterates me and I have no idea what to do, especially since he is staying with me and I have to encounter him all hours of the day... Its just annoying how I have been pretty much left with nothing but discontent since I am constantly being aroused, and there is nothing being done about it (except the whole crossing legs knee over knee rocking method, yah i learned it from watching others, it works for me, lol) I snapped and called him a f*ing tease last night and he proceeded to make a very (to me at least) erotic noise, then just walked off into his room smirking when he saw me rocking my leg harder..) I really am at a loss of what to do... I had no idea that I would be descriminated against this way.... I don't know if its some sort of game that he is playing, or if he is just unsure of what to think.. Because I tell him to please stop certain things that trigger my urges and he makes it a point to constantly do them, whilst I have always done my best to not do that to him. (if he seriously asks me to stop saying or doing things I do, especially if it is making him aroused...) I know that gay men want "real" parts to "real" men, but when I explain how I feel that I am a man, I just kind of got gipped on my anatomy, and that making a point to point out my gender constantly is offensive, that he should be a little more considerate, he acts like its all a joke.. what do I do?
