I recently posted on the FtM boards that I was thinking about transitioning back into male. I've sorta gone back and forth between my genders, and I can't seem to find a comfortable place where I identify. So, a few people recommended that I come here, to the androgyne boards =)
At this moment, I am so confused... I am having trouble identifying with either gender. I like being feminine, feeling girly and dressing up pretty at times... but I also like the freedom of being a man, the lose feel of their cloths at times, and not feeling so self conscious all the time. It seems that whichever gender I choose, I tend to make it black and white in my head, so when I lived as female I wore lots of makeup, dresses and such... and as a man I wore khakis, button up shirts, short hair, etc. However, in both of these instances, I tend to focus on parts of my body that are masculine, and parts that are feminine... and loathe the parts that are conflicting with the gender I am presenting in. I have a nice mix of both male and female features, where my face favors female, but my upper body is very tone with defined shoulders, favoring male. So when living as a girl I felt hatred towards my upper body, and living as a boy I disliked my face. However, about 3 years ago, before I started presenting as female, I presented as androgynous for a few months. I remember being so confident all the time, because of the freedom I had to accentuate all my features and not feel self conscious. As opposed to now, where I feel terrified to step outside of the house =(
So, I am thinking of going back to this... and seeing if this makes me happy. If not, then I am completely lost =(
I am wondering if anyone on here has had any similar feelings, or any thoughts and suggestions?
About 4 months ago, I went through this same thing, except went back to presenting as female to avoid having to tell my friends what was going on. However, I woke up one morning and made a video and posted it on YouTube, to try to see which gender people thought I favored... if any. I lowered my voice to sound male at the start, and briefly raise it to female in the middle, to attempt to throw people off....
but if interested, here is the YouTube video.
=)
I took this picture this morning, trying to look androgynous... I had to use the hat to fold my hair up into =)