At this point, all I can say is wowwwwwwww.

Let's assume--and I know that's risky, given that this woman was online rather than IRL--that she really is a cancer patient in remission. Like many people, she is clearly ignorant about trans issues, and she seems to be royally confused about what type of surgeon habitually performs top surgery on FTMs. ETA: Or maybe not. Maybe she's just mad because she wants her parts and we don't want the same parts.

It's almost always a lost battle, but you might try to educate her a little. Ask questions. Be sympathetic. Cancer isn't a freaking hangnail.

Telling her to get over herself? Smooth move, Ex-Lax.

I think this is one of those situations where it's better not to respond. A woman losing a breast to cancer is not going to be very sympathetic towards 'elective removal of breasts' as seen through her eyes.
Yes, she is ignorant and angry but there are better battles to fight than with a recovering cancer survivor. There seems to be bitterness on all sides here, 'who has it worse?' Better not to go down that track, IMO.

Well said Hermione01.

Well it's not just the one poster, it's everyone who has ever had their life impacted by cancer, which is a hella lot of people.  Like many others when I see that word I don't think of some thing rare, or even of it as a disease, but 'as the thing that killed my mother.'  And several other people I like.  It's not abstract.  It's personal.

Quote from: tekla on September 19, 2011, 08:09:47 PM
Well it's not just the one poster, it's everyone who has ever had their life impacted by cancer, which is a hella lot of people.  Like many others when I see that word I don't think of some thing rare, or even of it as a disease, but 'as the thing that killed my mother.'  And several other people I like.  It's not abstract.  It's personal.

I watched my mom die of breast cancer and my childhood friend has a brain tumor.

Quote from: Hermione01 on September 19, 2011, 06:46:42 PM
I think this is one of those situations where it's better not to respond. A woman losing a breast to cancer is not going to be very sympathetic towards 'elective removal of breasts' as seen through her eyes.
Yes, she is ignorant and angry but there are better battles to fight than with a recovering cancer survivor. There seems to be bitterness on all sides here, 'who has it worse?' Better not to go down that track, IMO.

This.

Quote from: Hermione01 on September 19, 2011, 06:46:42 PM
I think this is one of those situations where it's better not to respond. A woman losing a breast to cancer is not going to be very sympathetic towards 'elective removal of breasts' as seen through her eyes.
Yes, she is ignorant and angry but there are better battles to fight than with a recovering cancer survivor. There seems to be bitterness on all sides here, 'who has it worse?' Better not to go down that track, IMO.

Agreed. Most women want their breasts. I haven't seen the video or where the comment was made, but I probably would have read it and kept going along on my internet journey. I think everyone has it the same amount of badness, just in different forms.

Quote from: tekla on September 19, 2011, 08:09:47 PM
Well it's not just the one poster, it's everyone who has ever had their life impacted by cancer, which is a hella lot of people.  Like many others when I see that word I don't think of some thing rare, or even of it as a disease, but 'as the thing that killed my mother.'  And several other people I like.  It's not abstract.  It's personal.

Yeah ... I watched a very close friend die of it (who was barely over 30 no less - cancer knows no age limits! whee.) and my partner's mom ... and 3 friend's moms now. It is personal.

Quote from: xxScarlettxx on September 14, 2011, 01:15:39 PM"I have cancer. My chances of surviving depend on finding a GYN/ONC whose specialty is surgery for "female" cancers. Only 1000 of these surgeons in the US means only 30% of women get the right surgery. I'm angry watching a surgeon remove healthy breasts and choosing to cater to people like Chaz who won't die if they have to live with breasts while women with cancer will die. I realize people may kill themselves who can't get sex changes but that's their choice. Dying of cancer isn't a choice."

Wow, that's a pretty dumb thing to say. Pretty rude and illogical or maybe just ill-informed.

That said, if I were you I would not have commented at all. You did not help anything.

QuoteLike many others when I see that word I don't think of some thing rare, or even of it as a disease, but 'as the thing that killed my mother.'  And several other people I like.  It's not abstract.  It's personal.

So, that explains it. Why didn't you say that before, instead of lashing out at people?
I'm sorry for your loss.


I don't think the guys in here are such rotten apples or even unsympathetic when we can see that a person is truly suffering. We might come across as insensitive jerks at times...we might even really be insensitive jerks at times. But I would hope that at the end of the day we can learn to tolerate, or even love each other warts and all instead of judging people based on one or two comments made from their perspective that day.

Many of us have been touched by someone with cancer and no, it's not funny. It's awful. None of the people in my life have acted like that woman, though...including a friend who had a double mastectomy a year before my transition.

Sometimes we take things in a different way than how they're intended. Sometimes we get upset because the perceived issue at hand is close to our hearts. For some of us, the issue of suicide may be as close as cancer. Not just because we've tried it ourselves or thought about it or care about the kids the "It Gets Better" project is reaching out to, but because some have also lost loved ones to it.

This is a support forum. Our stuff is not worse than/better than anything else needing support. It just is. Nor is anybody in here worse than/better than because of their particular view. We just is. Sometimes we disagree. That's life. No big deal.

I don´t think it was cruel but I feel sorry for that person You know lots of "common" people don´t know what it means to be an FTM/MTF and that we usually don´t have a choice too. I am FtM and if I couldn´t go through the transition I would have killed myself. But those people can´t understand this and they usually say - you´re healthy, why aren´t you satisfied??? They don´t see our souls are suffering from being in the wrong bodies. I can´t be angry with them and if they don´t have enough understanding for us I do have enough for them.
PS - sorry for possible mistakes, my mother tongue is not English

people dont really understand some do, and I must say the future start to get better for us,
but either we are seen as not ill meaning we are healthy and just crazy or otherwise we are sick people but sick as in our mind again. its also been a discussion if we should be healthy or sick in my country being transexesual is a mental illness, some are aganst because they think it will put us down to be mental ill and it give us less right (yeah sure it dose ex you cant adopt if your mental ill/transexual) and some like it to stay because they think people wouldnt help us or take us seriously if we claim to be healthy.

I am aganst being mental ill cause I dont see it as an illness to be diffrent, what I think is hurting is that we arnt accepted, homosexual have also been seen as mental ill people, because sociaty made them to be, I think its the same for transgender people..

anyway it went a little of topic.

tomas; its okay my first languarge isnt english as well and I think alot of people here are non-english speakers.
where are you from? sorry be to offtopic agian.

Hi Natkat! I had no idea how many people are English and non-English speakers here, I though most of them are English. I am from the Czech Republic, a state in central Europe. And you?
Our people have the same problem you write about. Transsexuality is consider as a mental illness and some people want to change it. I don´t think we are ill but this determination guarantee us that the surgery will be paid by health insurance. And that´s much more important for me. If they decided we are healthy, we would have to pay for the surgeries. And most of us don´t have enough money. It could lead to suicides

Quote from: Tomas on September 21, 2011, 04:51:31 PM
Hi Natkat! I had no idea how many people are English and non-English speakers here, I though most of them are English. I am from the Czech Republic, a state in central Europe. And you?
Our people have the same problem you write about. Transsexuality is consider as a mental illness and some people want to change it. I don´t think we are ill but this determination guarantee us that the surgery will be paid by health insurance. And that´s much more important for me. If they decided we are healthy, we would have to pay for the surgeries. And most of us don´t have enough money. It could lead to suicides

im from Denmark and its pretty sumular, however the state dosent really pay for surgery in most caises its people themself.

I cant give a exactly word on how everything is with all small details, but we got 1 hospital who dignose you transexual and who also make surgyes, its very hard to get permission there so most people go to other countrys and use there own money to do so since its faster, better, more easy, and in some caises also more cheap.
there still things you must go thought there to get or not get, ex chancing your gender-name or gender on you ID card.

Wow, I finally got around to tackling this thread, and in the beginning I had stuff to say. But then the rambling and justifications started filling up my screen and now it seems pointless to even bother.

Needless to say, is any of this really that important in the long run? She doesn't like us, woop-di-doo, we don't like her either. What does it matter if she's a cancer-riddled, emanciated tumble of disjointed limbs or an internet troll who's only objective is to tear forums like ours appart from the inside out?

Either way it's fun, chillax guys; the popcorn's warm and buttery and you're all just getting frazzled over nothing.

Quote from: MaxAloysius on September 22, 2011, 09:50:03 AM
Wow, I finally got around to tackling this thread, and in the beginning I had stuff to say. But then the rambling and justifications started filling up my screen and now it seems pointless to even bother.

Needless to say, is any of this really that important in the long run? She doesn't like us, woop-di-doo, we don't like her either. What does it matter if she's a cancer-riddled, emanciated tumble of disjointed limbs or an internet troll who's only objective is to tear forums like ours appart from the inside out?

Either way it's fun, chillax guys; the popcorn's warm and buttery and you're all just getting frazzled over nothing.

I guess it somehow is influencing because we dont want to be evil people, and we all know its best to help the ones who need so,
beside that I think most people know at least 1 person or will know one who had dealth with cancer if not themself.

Quote from: Natkat on September 22, 2011, 08:51:21 AM
im from Denmark and its pretty sumular, however the state dosent really pay for surgery in most caises its people themself.

I cant give a exactly word on how everything is with all small details, but we got 1 hospital who dignose you transexual and who also make surgyes, its very hard to get permission there so most people go to other countrys and use there own money to do so since its faster, better, more easy, and in some caises also more cheap.
there still things you must go thought there to get or not get, ex chancing your gender-name or gender on you ID card.

Wow:( I didn´t know how much difficult is the transition for TS people in Denmark... In our country you must go to a sexuologist. You can choose any of them but there are about three sexuologists who specialize in transsexuality and it´s better to visit one of them. If you know who you are and don´t doubt about it, s/he sends you to psychologist, endocrinologist and internist. If everything´s ok, you must visit the sexuologist once a month for about a year ad have a small talk about how you are, how you feel etc. At the same time you take testosterone (pills and shots). After one year, if you want, you can ask the special committee for giving a permission for surgeries. They don´t usually have problems with that. And then you can choose the doctors who will operate you and arrange the date of surgeries. For mastectomy and hysterectomy there are a variety of doctors, but if you want the phalloplasty, there is only one or two doctors in the republic. After hysterectomy you can change your name and gender on your ID. All the surgeries are paid by health insurance company, you must only pay for pills, shots and charges for doctors - sexuologist, endo and internist. So TS people have good conditions for transition here. In fact, lots of TS people from Slovakia, our neighbor country, move to our country and undergo the transitions here because they have terrible conditions in Slovakia. There are lots of thinks I don´t like about our country but I appreciate we have had one of the best health systems in the world so far. But our politicians want to make some changes and it is not so good for our people...

Quote from: Hermione01 on September 19, 2011, 06:46:42 PM
I think this is one of those situations where it's better not to respond. A woman losing a breast to cancer is not going to be very sympathetic towards 'elective removal of breasts' as seen through her eyes.
Yes, she is ignorant and angry but there are better battles to fight than with a recovering cancer survivor. There seems to be bitterness on all sides here, 'who has it worse?' Better not to go down that track, IMO.

This.