I am pre-T but passing and stealth in work, which is fab. However, I work in a 6th form college, supporting the students with additional learning needs, and as the students are all 16-18 they all look older than me! Teachers have even said to me, "Oh, I thought you were a student!" or "You look too young to be staff!" And because of this, I don't feel I get the respect my other male colleagues get in work, both from students and staff. This in turn feeds my low self-esteem, which feeds my Depression, and then I can't concentrate, and my work actually suffers, so I don't get respect again... etc etc!

What I probably need is a course of CBT to help me sort out the depression and self-esteem issues once and for all, but until then, what can I do to make sure people respect me in work? I am already working out so I can bulk up and feel more confident, and although my department wear smart-casual clothes, I am going to go for proper smart so I really look like staff. Any other ideas?

I'd love to hear others' advice on this as well.  I'm on T though (21 months) and also stealth.  As a 22-year-old RN, I don't get much respect anyway.  But I actually had a interviewer tell me that their current employees would give me crap for appearing like I'm "12."  I have a beard now   Pretty sure most 12-year-olds don't look or sound like me. 

A couple days ago I had a patient tell me she was scared to get a shot from me because I looked so young.  I seem to be getting that (comments about youthfulness, not scared patients) lately.  It's frustrating because I'm not taken very seriously and it's affecting my job performance (number of shots, not my own effort). 

My clothing is professional and I tend to dress up rather than down.  I get my clothes tailored as well, so everything fits properly.  Updated my hairstyle and I'm growing my beard out.  Not sure what else I can do.  Wish I had something to tell you, Harry, but I'm in the same predicament.

Same problem. My university has a lot of six-foot, muscular, bearded men. Being a five-four, thin, peachfuzzed, seemingly-15 year old, you tend to get treated more as a cute pet rather than a peer. I'm usually too much of a b---h to be treated as a cute pet, but obviously, that's not helpful in the workforce. Haven't really seen much help to it except to talk a lot so that your more mature speech will counteract your appearance.

Thanks guys  sorry to hear that you two are having the same probs, although in a way it's good that we're in the same boat as we can help each other out. I had a good lesson today, where the teacher I was helping was very complimentary of my work for her pupils, and I am getting on well with my department colleagues, so there's two good signs. I think I really need to come out as gay (not ready to come out as trans yet...) to my close colleagues, cos I think it would do wonders for my confidence if I wasn't trying to hide that little secret as well as the bigger one about being trans!

Hi I know this problem is serious but I had to laugh I have the same problem and lots of people think I am a teenager (some of them think I am under 15) although I am 22 years old. Sometimes it´s really embarrassing but I got used to it. We have only one life and it would be a shame to be sad just because of others. I know that lots of people are very important to us but good people have enough respect for us and bad people... who is interested in bad people? Just give your colleagues enough time and their respect will be growing as they know you better And don´t forget - lots of people pay incredible amounts of money to look younger - we look younger naturally Don´t be sad

If someone makes a comment, come up with something snappy to say in return like "yeah, my brother and I have the same problem, everyone thinks we're ten years younger than we really are. Isn't that just sad?" and then give them a grin. Or how bout: "I know, I think that I'll be carded at the pub until I'm 70 years old."  The truth is, many people would give just about anything to look ten years younger.

Dress professionally, do a good job, and be polite. You'll earn respect from your colleages. And for what it is worth, my son got a degree in pharmacology and looks far younger than others in his field. He's genetically male and gets a bit of this "feedback" from time to time. He takes it as a compliment.

Frankly, I wish I had that problem!  I just have to say to you guys.... Way to Go!  Good for You! You are so lucky to be so handsome!

Cindi

Thanks everyone  Your responses have made me smile, which is good cos I've had a pretty awful day where I didn't pass with one girl, who "she'd" me in front of the teacher, who then avoided using pronouns to talk about me for the rest of the day... Then I was upset and annoyed my mum by being upset, but couldn't tell her what was wrong, and then tonight we had a big argument about my transition and I got called selfish, immature etc, which is partially true but hurts. So I've just emailed Gender Trust and Mind (mental health charity) for some help, which I should have done ages ago. I've just had enough of this aggro at work and at home, so I am going to bloody well man up and do something about it.