There are a few things I missed out. I was my dad's kid when I was young, and I had two brothers. So we all did guy stuff and I always liked to impress our mutual female friends by being the one to do the "big boy" jobs, so I didn't miss out on too much...
Though, continuing soccer was one of those things I felt I missed out on...I used to be in a team that was all boys, just by coincidence, and I played all my elementary school years and starting middle school. But after that, for a "girl" to continue soccer, I had to pay a LOT of money to be on a county or state travel team. And the school didn't allow girls to participate in boys sports. If enough were interested in it, they'd start a girl's team, but I didn't want to be in the "girls" team. I wanted to be in the boys team...

It was really only later in life that I missed out...once my brothers were older he stopped asking me to help with the car, the lawn, etc. And my mom started treating me like her "doll" or something... I know she's really bothered with me being trans because of that...she tried really hard to get me to be "the perfect little girl" and as soon as I got out of highschool and out of the house, I stopped letting her, cut my hair, tossed all my dresses, and moved on with my life. But yea, I know I missed out during that time...

Like Renate says, it's never too late to have a happy childhood!

I consider my childhood pretty idyllic as a kid of the 60s, and for the most part felt like and was treated okay as a tomboy. Most of my memories now I can think back and have memories of being male. Things got dicey when I hit puberty and my life fell apart.

But yeah.  Many people have sucky childhoods for whatever reason.  But it's not too late to learn what you want to learn, go where you want to go, do what you want to do.


Jay

Sometimes I think that I missed so many things in my childhood... And that "school experience" could be better if I wasn´t transsexual. Yeah, it could be better... But then I think about what transsexualism gave to me. I think I´m more tolerant, I think about the meaning of life more than people of the same age as me, I know what the life is like when you are a woman ("for the others ´cause I never was a woman, in fact) and that women usually have hard life, they must take care about the home, children, partner... They have my respect. And that´s why I am quite glad I have the childhood tha I had. If not, I could be an arrogant, intolerant, dumb guy today

Quote from: Sam- on September 25, 2011, 10:43:27 AM
this. i only stayed in girl scouts for a few months before i quit.

I was in girl scouts for a year or two. It was boring. I was in the ONLY troop that didn't want to do anything but sit on their butts & fix their hair and makeup. I had to sit around at camp bored to death while the other troops went canoeing and rock climbing, and all the little prisses in my troop voted to stay in the tent every day and do their makeup & hair. I quit because there was no point in that for me.

Quote from: Renate on September 24, 2011, 08:45:58 PM
Yes, father/son or mother/daughter relationships can be wonderful things
but they often don't exist due to a deficiency on one side or the other of the equation.

I think there's one aspect here that you're missing. For me, the main problem is that my father didn't see me as a boy, so the relationship that I did have was not father-son, at least not as far as he was concerned. So I feel that I missed out on the nature of the relationship we would have had if he'd seen me as a boy.

I saw how my father related to my brother, so I'm not under any illusions that my own father-son relationship would have been a better relationship than the father-daughter relationship we did have. That's not what I'm comparing. Our relationship would have been different if he'd seen me as a boy, and it would have been right for who I was. That's what I feel would have made the relationship "better."

Not everyone feels this way, of course.

Quote from: xAndrewx on September 24, 2011, 04:46:15 AM
Do you guys find that you miss out on certain things because you were raised the wrong gender or because people just didn't think you would be interested because of your assigned gender?

For example: I think it would be awesome to learn boxing and MMA. It would also be awesome to become a mechanic (specifically with an interest in motorcycles). While I did some martial arts classes as a kid no one ever took me seriously because I was "not male". I stopped doing them because I hated how I was treated by my male classmates. Now I don't take classes yet, I don't want to be too far behind or have to get crap for not acting like the stereotypical male in the room. Though I've decided I'm going to start classes once I get my name change. I'm just worried because if someone picks on a feminine male or is derogatory to a female I won't keep my mouth shut. And when it comes to the mechanic stuff I feel like I'm too old to start learning now but if I'd been assigned male at birth I think my dad would have let me help with the car and taught me the simple stuff as a kid.

omg yes! I felt like I missed out on eveything. Meaning like dating. Never dated before. Never had a gf. Never went to prom. I'm way to old to have never gone out on a date before. I feel I missed out on all this b/c was born in the wrong body.

Quote from: xAndrewx on September 24, 2011, 04:46:15 AM
Do you guys find that you miss out on certain things because you were raised the wrong gender or because people just didn't think you would be interested because of your assigned gender?

For example: I think it would be awesome to learn boxing and MMA. It would also be awesome to become a mechanic (specifically with an interest in motorcycles). While I did some martial arts classes as a kid no one ever took me seriously because I was "not male". I stopped doing them because I hated how I was treated by my male classmates. Now I don't take classes yet, I don't want to be too far behind or have to get crap for not acting like the stereotypical male in the room. Though I've decided I'm going to start classes once I get my name change. I'm just worried because if someone picks on a feminine male or is derogatory to a female I won't keep my mouth shut. And when it comes to the mechanic stuff I feel like I'm too old to start learning now but if I'd been assigned male at birth I think my dad would have let me help with the car and taught me the simple stuff as a kid.

I agreed with you completely until you got to why you quit. I was in jujitsu for three years and loved it. I left after I dislocated my knee during class once. I wish I had gone back!

My dad was here the other day to help me fix my car (see my blog called If My Life Was A Movie). He asked me if I'm going to want to start doing more "guyish" stuff soon like fixing my car. I told him I've always liked doing that stuff but that I suck at it. He laughed.

I ride motorcycles, I love fighting, and I really love building stuff. But I wasn't necessarily raised to do it. I had to ask and beg for the chance and I took every opportunity I could to help my dad around the house. I helped him put in hardwood floors (and did half a floor completely by myself ) and build boxes for things when we move like our grandfather clock. I begged to get my motorcycle license, and I did it. My parents told me that I had to choose a class at the YMCA in town and I chose the jujitsu class.

I think if you feel interest in something you should try it out. Or do your best to. Even if you're like me and are raised to do girly things and completely avoid the boy things then you will get curious and you will just know that you're meant for something else. That knowledge will give you the drive to go out and find a way to do it. Or try it and fail epically.

On the whole, I had a happy child hood. The only gender specific stuff I had to do was when it came time to play organized sports my parents had to enroll me on the girls teams because it was all segregated. I was very good at sports and always wanted to play football as well. In high school there was a girl at another school that was on the football team but I think they gave her something to do like kicker because of course playing a regular position was "too rough"  From what I remember though, they finally gave her a chance as a running back and she kicked major ass and held her own. Of course that was the only football she probably got to play though because in college, once again, no girls on the teams.

I totally "get" the gender separation for things like that because yes, the majority of females could probably not hold up on a football team. But for those unique individuals who can, I think they should be allowed to. It's funny, males are allowed to do dance, ballet, gymnastics ... plenty of things where women may dominate the sport, but it doesn't seem to be the other way around yet.

I was in karate for several years. For the most part it was totally equal treatment - even when it came to sparring. But I think that's something where it's highly variable based on the instructor.

And girl scouts ... I seriously think that organization only exists as a girls social clique. It was an absolute joke when my mom put me in that. I thought I was going to learn valuable life skills and go camping and things like that. WRONG. Seriously pointless. All they do is sell cookies.

As for everything else, I was allowed to do any male or any female type of activities. I had legos and lots of other building type things, Star Wars stuff, Transformers, Hot Wheels, a whole ton of Nerf sports stuff, but I also had the token Babie doll (although I didn't really pay much attention to it), stuffed animals, a play house. My mom would show me stuff like how to sew and how to clean stuff and stuff out in the garden. My dad would show me stuff like mechanics and how to fix things, take me to the junkyard. Both my parents did things like take me fishing and we went on vacations every year where I got to do stuff like hiking and exploring cool places across the country.

The problem is a lot of parents aren't like that and how people remember their childhood and what early skills they pick up and activities they participate in have a whole lot to do with the parents. I lucked out for sure and I don't feel like I missed out on anything in that era.

Haha... another vote for boy scouts.

I was a girl guide and our guide leader was this Mormon woman who always went on about how little girls shouldn't do any strenuous activity, so it was extremely boring. Fully 80% of our guide meetings were "free time to talk amongst yourselves", and I had nothing in common with the other guides and didn't really enjoy chatting to them. The rest of the time was usually something pointless like colouring in a picture of children from various nations holding hands, or discussing "What does world peace mean?" or something. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

My friend was a scout and he always talks about how they'd go camping or sailing or do bushcraft courses or learn gun safety. It sounds so much more interesting.

I feel pissed off that I wasn't allowed to play football.
I hate the face I had to suffer through girlscouts when the rest of the guys got to do fun things in boy scouts like hiking and we had to bake ->-bleeped-<-ing cookies and sing songs.
I feel like I got left out and never got to have many guy friends as a kid.

Most of all I just feel bad that I was not treated as a male growing up. I feel like I was left out and peices of my childhood don't fit. Like I cannot stand driving past my old house where my mom and I stayed after my parents divorce. It just makes me think of a time when my mom was trying to make me act like a girl (no fault of her own she just wanted me to fit in) and my body was starting to change. It was the worst year of my life. I had at least 3 panic attacks daily because I felt creeped out by my body and I was not happy with the expectations. I only got to see my Dad on weekends because my mom's was closer to school. I liked being at my Dad's better because he didn't mind if I wanted to do guy stuff. It was a big weight off my back but at the same time it was like living a double life.

My experiences are very different. I don't feel I missed out on anything, since none of my interests were exclusively for children (e.g. scouts). Breakdance and parkour? Can do that anywhere, for free, starting at whatever age. I count myself lucky.

I agree more with what Arch said - meaning the nature of the relationship between a father and a son. As for other stuff I think I missed out on - things like growing up socialised as one of the boys more so than treated as an 'honourary boy' if you get what I mean. Like at sports, in the locker room, with mates around the lockers, giving each other crap you know etc I feel sometimes now that I struggle with what is expected of me in these types of situations. I'm getting better haha - there's not much that is going too far when hanging crap on each other in jest!

But on the flip-side I feel if I hadn't had the upbringing I did - and I was not forced to be a 'girl' (well my mother stopped really pushing it when I was quite adamant that I was not a girl!) - I wouldn't be the person I am today, nor had the experiences I had and would definitely not have made the friends I have etc.. It's a double edged sword singing shoulda, coulda, woulda!! But I can definitely appreciate the tune lol!!

j.

Well, I have an older brother who did boyscouts and my dad actually lead their troupe, so I got to experience it a little bit. I love it and wanted to be a boyscout but being biologically female, I couldn't...or at least it was looked down upon. I tried to be as active as possible and about two years into it, my mom told me to try girlscouts. Thinking it would be the same only with girls, I was TOTALLY ECSTATIC.

If any of you have ever been in girlscouts, you know it is ABSOLUTELY NOT EXCITING. You didn't get to race cars you made from scratch. You didn't go hiking in the wilderness and fling mud and be crazy with each other. You sat around in a circle "discussing" things, sold cookies, and for about a month had to study a different culture and then learned how to make their ethnic food and then you got together with all the other girl scouts in the area, exchanged foods, and gave each other nifty little bracelets.

Girlscouts I think was the beginning of me beginning to dislike gender roles. While the guys got to do stuff I thought was really fun and playful and exciting, the girls basically sat around every meeting...or talked about dolls or cooking, AND I AM BEING COMPLETELY HONEST. I'm sorry if I sound bitter, but it's because I am.

Later on I also started getting into sports. I wanted to play baseball, but the same issue happened so I got put on a girls softball team...where everyone was WAY too competitive and you got hassled if you weren't fit (Which I really wasn't). I also got in trouble a lot for going into the boys bathrooms and I'd always try and hang out with the boys in my grade whenever I could. But I got picked on a lot by them because I was a girl...and the girls in my grade were just awful...so I ended up doing stuff by myself a lot before I learned I had to be basically somebody else in order to fit in.

That ended up being way longer than I intended...but this is a really tender subject or me. I feel like I would have been a way happier person if I'd been a boy and was able to experience the "guy stuff."

I'm sorry man It sounds like the girl scouts sucked. I never knew the boyscouts was actually so cool! That's cool that your dad was a troop leader at least.

Ugh it sounds like softball was horrible! Have you ever considered trying to join a baseball team or something like that now?

BTW welcome to the site 

Listening too you guys makes me really thankful for my girl scout troop.  We actually did some pretty cool stuff.

Thanks for the welcome! I'm already really fond of this site. This place is so awesome!

And I never really thought about doing sports again...I probably wouldn't be able to play on my school's baseball team because that kind of stuff is looked down upon and I'm also probably not very good compared to the guys who have been playing their entire life (My school takes sports REALLY seriously so everyone's pretty fantastic) but I might look into finding a league outside of school. I heard that theirs a local slow-pitch soft-ball league (that is co-ed...thank god) but I don't think I'm old enough for it. It's for adults mainly...which is a bummer.

And yeah, boyscouts was really really awesome. I'm glad my dad lead a troupe because I wouldn't have gotten to experience it otherwise. : ) The pinewood derby is possibly the most fun I've had as a kid.

Excellent topic Andrew.
It's the little nuances that make the biggest difference. The nuance I refer to is nurturing. A very powerful form of communication, understanding and development tool. It starts from day one and continues for the rest of your life. And for any child, the first 3 - 5 years are the most crucial years of development.
The moment you come into the world, your mother starts teaching you essential life skills based on the gender you present. If there is cohesion between your brain gender and physical presentation, most times all is well and good. However if there is incongruities between the brain and presentation, this is where fundamental problems begin. And as everybody knows, if I was to draw two lines from the same starting point; with one degree separation, by the time those lines were say 10 metres long; there would be considerable distance between the two ends. Perhaps goes towards explaining why are parents don't understand us and vise versa.

So if anyone has any knowledge on the differences in male/female nurturing I would certainly appreciate finding out more about it. In the meantime, be safe, well and happy
Lotsa luv
Catherine

now with less than a year of my teen age life i feel regret for all the boys friends and life stuff i missed out for been giving this horrid gender i know the feel that's all i will say

Seem to be luckier than a lot of people, my parents weren't the type to care if what my brother I did was 'girl stuff' or 'boy stuff'. I was never made to play with dolls, or wear dresses, or go to Brownies (I guess the UK's version of Girl Guides), and played football (soccer) for several years. When I started buying and wearing boys' clothes, my mother just accepted it. So lucky me, I guess.
At the same time, my father treated my brother and I differently. My brother received beatings and more violent punishment than I ever did, because, you know, he was 'the boy'. While I'm not glad to have been born with this body, it got me out of some nasty situations unscathed.

I missed out on sports.

I tried to play indoor and outdoor soccer, basketball.

Indoor soccer was a disaster. The parents seemed to think that playing indoors was safer when it's not. It's fast paced and you can kick the ball off the walls so you really need to be paying attention. So these over protective parents signed their very nonathletic girls up. Because of the faster pace a lot of them weren't able keep up with what is going on. I was constantly getting yelled out when I knocked a kid over, stole a ball, got too many goals, or their unaware kid got a boo boo. I had this one dad walk onto the field and yell "Why did you steal the ball from my daughter she was trying to shoot a goal! That's not fair!" Some parents would complain that I scored so many goals that their kids team didn't even have a chance. Parents would boo me pretty much every time I was in possession of the ball.

Outdoor soccer was better and everyone, including the parents, seemed to have a better grasp of the sport. It still wasn't that great, I usually wasn't the goalie, but the few times I was I shouldn't have been able to score a goal from not even mid field. I stopped playing for school after I broke my nose right before I scored a goal so they decided my game winning goal didn't count. It happened really fast.

I had to quit basketball after the first game because I passed the ball too hard and fast.