Hello Fellow Supporters;

So my partner came out to her family in July of this year. And I have not talked with them since. They do call her but only talk to her under their terms. Basically thet are only loving what they believe she should be or they want her to be. It totally sucks that tomorrow I will be going to celebrate my sister in laws bridal shower with her family GRRRR.. I am nervous. I am afraid that something will slip and I will be put in an acquired spot.

My sister in law seems to think that I am the reason why her "brother" wants to be a "girl" WTH she is totally uninformed of transexuals all together. She resents me. I think. WHY is her family not making any effort to talk to me about their child. Are they thinking or hoping I will divorce her? Well I'm not leaving. Are the thinking I can fix her? There is nothing to fix This is a pretty big deal and if they hadn't really spoken to me before I would think that these things happening with there child would give me better support and them better support.

Please let me know what I should do. I want to say "she", "her",  or Jill but I feel that it is too soon for them. Also if I do not push them to try an accept her by getting them used to hearing the proper pronouns then is could hinder the process of transition for my partner. Oh I do not know.... THEY just need to talk to me about this... or not ... I want them to be genuine as well LOL LOL I want alot of things I guess..

If only there were easy answers to these circumstances. I am mtf so I can understand your partners conflict and fears. From watching my wife deal with denial and not going forward from there I can also understand what those who are unaccepting of us think as well. Yes you definately are in an awkward position but I applaude your committment to Jill and wish that my wife could find it in herself to feel as you do. I remain hopeful but not confident with that idea.

If I were in your position I would let them break the ice so to speak on the subject but let them know you love your partner and will give unwavering support to someone who needs it-as they should also. If it comes up remind them this is someone who they care about (or should) and needs their love and respect no matter what. Judging from your recent posts I think you can find a gentle way to do this.

Brandi

Thank you Brandi. I never felt as if I lost my husband "the masculine" side, maybe I feel in love with her true feminine side all along I do not know this, but I do feel as tho I am missing a part of her soul that I feel in love with and respected. Her self worth.. self esteem, strength, yes I know transitioning is a process and these things that Jill does not have right now she will with time, but I can not mistake this void I feel in my heart. I want her to be happy with herself as I am with her and always have been. Do you mind me asking how your spouse is handling this news?

Sorry I couldn't answer sooner-I keep getting interrupted. No I don't mind at all-ask me anythibng you like.

She does not handle the thought of me being more feminine well- ever. She wants her man to be totally masculine and not feminine in any form or fashion. For me, this conflict is what causes me to feel the lack of self worth at times. Others feel it simply because there is the inner conflict within themselves that is difficult to deal with. I used to be in that position but I have risen above it and now only have difficulty dealing with my wife and keeping her somewhat agreeable.

Have you been to your in-laws yet? I am not out to many in the 'family', only one of my sisters knows but I am certain that others notice things about me are different. They all use male pronouns and for now I am good with that. I hope the best for you and yours.

Brandi

I'm also sorry I didn't see this earlier.  All I can say is to ask your partner for advice.  My wife's family is similar to your partner's - they think they had a "son", now they think their son is gay (apparently that would be awful), etc.  It's frustrating and embarrassing for her, and it's sad to see a family that has had two decades who can't seem to get the idea that their "son" never really existed, but they have a wonderful daughter that they seem to have neglected.

What I can say is that I'm not sure I fully buy the idea that people "need time" before they learn that they need to respect someone.  It's one thing for people to want to talk about it, seek counseling, or to slip up and say the wrong name/pronoun (provided they recognize how hurtful that is when it happens to someone and have sincere remorse).  But it's another if the "need time" is an excuse for denying respect for someone or thinking that someone doesn't know who they are and will "snap out of it" or will change their mind.

So I'd probably use her name and pronounse.  But I'd ultimately defer to her either way - after all, the very first fundamental demonstration of respect for someone is to let them tell you who they are.  I know this doesn't help you as it is too late (how did it go?), and, besides, I'm not sure it actually says anything you probably didn't already know/believe.

Well I was with all of my sister in laws friends. It was a small group (I would say about 25 people) but I also saw here aunt and uncle there, whom do not know about her yet. Her aunt was asking all sorts of questions about our lives, so I just answered them and went with the flow. It was extremely uncomfortable there -- no doubt. It was hard being there and calling her a him. I have already accepted my partner as a female, rather quickly I must say. So the mom was fine and mentioned if we both could come over soon and see her. To be honest with you I was not expecting that comment from her, yet. Considering how she _as my spouse would describe has been sarcastically aggressive towards Jill. I was really happy!! They need to see her, so they can get used to her many changes!! She is looking more beautiful to me everyday. Also her dad was pretty cool. Basically very very aquired for me and my heart was racing the whole time!!! LOL As soon as I sat in the car, I burst into tears!!! It felt wonderful!!!!! People were asking me when I would have a baby, and if my "husband" was ready, stuff like that.

I was pregnant, but choose my partners well being over our baby. We choose to terminate. I can have a second chance for a baby, but I can not bring back my spouse. Yes it was EXTREMELY hard for me and her!!!!!! Infact, that is my tuffest dillima, baby or partner. Is having a child important to me or is the chance that my spouse will not ever want a child going to be enough? I am leaning alot more towards staying with partner, because she has the most genuine heart I have ever seen!!!!!!! She feels SUPER SUPER quilty for lieing to me and the fact I had to endure an abortion. BUT I also made this important choice as well. I do not blame my partner for draging me into this marriage, or the baby. Yes she did lie to me, but how could I be mad when I see how much utter pain she is under right now. I am alot of empathy for her.

She is completely broken right now and I have never seen this side of her. But I will help out the best I can. She does have good days tho where she does feel good about herself, So I LOVE those days!! Because we then can laugh together and I do not feel so alone!! I am waiting for Jill to be as happy as I am!!