So flipping angry and hurt and knowing that I'm being silly but unable to control it.  I never intended for this to happen but I have such a killer crush on this guy.  I feel like I'm approximately 12 years old.  The problem is he doesn't return my affections, if you can call them that.   I'm half ready to go to his apartment and beat him up.  Just to get him to pay attention to me.  That doesn't sound like affection to me.  It sounds like obsession.

I see him about once a week and perhaps talk to him once or two for a few minutes on google talk between.  I have his phone number but I never call it.  When I am with him I'm always fighting to just stand near him.  I don't want to do it, but I literally can't help myself.  He treats me with a good degree of caution.  It's not that he's mean to me.  In fact at times he's been very nice.  Helping me out when I needed it.  I feel like I'm a simmering pile of emotions that very well might explode.  I've asked him out a few times, just as friends and been politely turned down each time.  He's afraid to be alone with me.  As well he should be. 

Last night I messaged him and he barely responded.  Common sense tells me that he most likely was genuinely busy in some way.  My crazy ass irrational side takes it completely the opposite.  Ignoring this has not helped.  It's made it worse.  I'm not at all sure what I should do now. 

Thanks for letting me get this out.  Good idea for a thread
 

Awesome thread guys! Is it possible to pin this up with the other ones on top?

Today, I'm sitting in the library trying to finish writing this paper for school... instead I'm surfing this board during bouts of boredom! 

Last night my computer crashed, that really sucked. At least I managed to salvage my school notes that I copied onto my computer before I had to reboot the entire system to manufacture settings.

This entire weekend I'm doing an internship (*cough*free-labor*cough*) at a film festival. Hopefully I'll at least get to view some cool films, that is if I'm not too busy passing out pamphlets and tickets...

Oh, Squirrel, that's so ->-bleeped-<-ty. I know how you feel, man. Obsession is weird, and terrifying, and seems to come out of the blue.

At the moment, I'm debating between laughing and screaming at our downstairs neighbor, who's been alternating between blaring his music so loud it was shaking things off the table here and banging/screaming/kicking/breaking seemingly everything in his apartment.

Feeling kind of sad lately because I've been reading too much about all these kids taking their own lives and being bullied (lgbt).

I've had in increase in creativity lately, so I've been able to do more art work, which feels good because when I can't come up with ideas I get frustrated and lose my only outlet for stress/anger/pain and even happiness...

My pain is going away (endometriosis - pelvic/lower back pain) but it's still kind of there and today it's just uncomfortable. I find out on the 19th about going forward with a hysterectomy, which I am so excited about and I should be getting it done before the end of February! My body is doing a battle of the hormones lately, and I've even managed to cry which is not normal for me, I usually find it very hard to cry. Also I've been thinking about asking my surgeon if I can keep my stuff they take out and put it in a jar, lol. I'm weird that way. I have nothing against my baby maker that may have never worked, I just don't like it inside me, but I'd like to keep it very much... on my shelf that is. 

I am working on going raw vegan... it's not going so well, so hard to do! Today I ate way to many processed foods and I have a real craving for french fries. Stupid testosterone, I used to be able to eat one meal a day *unhealthy I know, but now if my stomach starts hurting and I just keep eating! Raw food is so unfilling!

Quote from: Sharky on October 05, 2011, 06:06:13 PM
I'm happy that I don't have work today.

Just ate dinner, had spaghetti.

I have a ton of homework to do, but I'm going to go watch Dexter instead. I'm on Season 2 Episode 8. I'm so hooked on this show.

I'm also trying to think of a gamertag. Feel free to give me suggestions.

I can't help ya with suggestions but when you come up with one, feel free to add ShadowCore90 (me). Don't think too much about it ... my brother's is completely ridiculous, something to the effect of TiddlyPantsBear, and he's a big hairy manly guy. Think of something you like, like a game, a movie, a character, a place, etc. and add your name or some other cool random word. I chose mine because I was playing as Shadow on a Sonic game and thought of a word that sounded cool with Shadow. You will probably think the name you choose is ridiculous and stupid but others will probably admire it, or at the very least not give a damn.

Quote from: PixieBoy on October 06, 2011, 12:33:25 AM
My desk emits a strange, "harshly chemical" smell, something like solvents, and it might be that the heat of my tea cup is actually melting some of the paint. This smell has given me a slight headache. I'm going to quit coffee because it messes with my stomach and I'm afraid of addiction. Be prepared for more posts along the vein of "oh GOD, this headache, it's killing me.. why did I give up coffee?!?" I also found out something about my parents that I wish I hadn't. I am becoming worse at socialising with my classmates. This is very bad. I think I'm having horrible grades as well.

I'm a fiend for addictive substances. Which is why I will never experiment with drugs :S I can't go a day without caffeine so I know your pain. Also, I'm horrible at socializing too. Either my anxiety causes me to be a little awkward or I have trouble translating thought into oral speech (something about damage to the tissue between to Wernicke's area and Brocca's area of the brain, perhaps... I was dropped on the head as a baby and since have had my head knocked around a few too many times ^.^) In other words, I occasionally have a hard time speaking and putting a logical string of words together. As far as writing and critical thinking go though, I'm fine, which makes me doubt any kind of aphasia. :/ Regardless, I'm sure people at work think I'm weird. Which is fine, the girls don't seem to mind my company, probably because I've spent he majority of my life socializing with women. I seem to add some sort of entertainment value to the place with my goofy personality and lack of regard towards gender roles.

Quote from: BMXJake on October 06, 2011, 02:33:12 PM
NICE avatar Ryno. 

Shut up baby, I know it.

Quote from: Squirrel698 on October 07, 2011, 10:59:51 AM
So flipping angry and hurt and knowing that I'm being silly but unable to control it.  I never intended for this to happen but I have such a killer crush on this guy.  I feel like I'm approximately 12 years old.  The problem is he doesn't return my affections, if you can call them that.   I'm half ready to go to his apartment and beat him up.  Just to get him to pay attention to me.  That doesn't sound like affection to me.  It sounds like obsession.

I see him about once a week and perhaps talk to him once or two for a few minutes on google talk between.  I have his phone number but I never call it.  When I am with him I'm always fighting to just stand near him.  I don't want to do it, but I literally can't help myself.  He treats me with a good degree of caution.  It's not that he's mean to me.  In fact at times he's been very nice.  Helping me out when I needed it.  I feel like I'm a simmering pile of emotions that very well might explode.  I've asked him out a few times, just as friends and been politely turned down each time.  He's afraid to be alone with me.  As well he should be. 

Last night I messaged him and he barely responded.  Common sense tells me that he most likely was genuinely busy in some way.  My crazy ass irrational side takes it completely the opposite.  Ignoring this has not helped.  It's made it worse.  I'm not at all sure what I should do now. 

Thanks for letting me get this out.  Good idea for a thread
 

Sometimes the voice you think is the "crazy irrational side" isn't completely wrong. It's good to listen to both sides when torn. He may have been busy, and cautious. Don't feel ashamed of it. We all feel the same way now and then. It's something you need to fight to move on from, because even if he were to return your feelings, it wouldn't be healthy. Even if you are just innocently infatuated, you need to move on because it's only going to hurt you more. Unrequited love hurts.

The subtle body language we pick up from others often speaks louder than our voices. It's helpful to pay attention to it and respect the invisible boundaries people put up. It's not even necessarily YOU as a person he's uncomfortable with, but the subtle messages you're giving him. He probably is fine with you as a friend and co-worker or classmate but he may be unsure about your motives.

Give him (and yourself) space, try to keep your distance when you do see him (a nod and "sup" and quick update on life and such and move on) and then drop it. Act like your not interested and distract yourself with any menial task around or talk to someone else. It'll be easier to move on that way and he may loosen up and relax around you an be more open to being just friends.

Hope this helps and I'm sorry if it doesn't. Just remember not to blame yourself or feel bad about it. It's pretty common and it happens to pretty much everyone.

Quote from: JayValentine on October 07, 2011, 05:29:19 PM
Feeling kind of sad lately because I've been reading too much about all these kids taking their own lives and being bullied (lgbt).

I've had in increase in creativity lately, so I've been able to do more art work, which feels good because when I can't come up with ideas I get frustrated and lose my only outlet for stress/anger/pain and even happiness...

My pain is going away (endometriosis - pelvic/lower back pain) but it's still kind of there and today it's just uncomfortable. I find out on the 19th about going forward with a hysterectomy, which I am so excited about and I should be getting it done before the end of February! My body is doing a battle of the hormones lately, and I've even managed to cry which is not normal for me, I usually find it very hard to cry. Also I've been thinking about asking my surgeon if I can keep my stuff they take out and put it in a jar, lol. I'm weird that way. I have nothing against my baby maker that may have never worked, I just don't like it inside me, but I'd like to keep it very much... on my shelf that is. 

I am working on going raw vegan... it's not going so well, so hard to do! Today I ate way to many processed foods and I have a real craving for french fries. Stupid testosterone, I used to be able to eat one meal a day *unhealthy I know, but now if my stomach starts hurting and I just keep eating! Raw food is so unfilling!

Your surgeon may not be the only one to think pickled ovaries is weird I'd keep it in a closet or at least explain it to someone you bring over for the night, hahaha. But hey, to each their own, if I get a hysterectomy I want my tissues donated to someone who can use them - for research and such and I might inquire about having any fertile ovums frozen for couples wanting invitro fertilization (or for my own later use?).

Anyway, congrats about the hysto bro I hope it goes well!

As for myself, I have 7 minutes before I head off to work, I can't find the full pack of cigarettes I swear I just bought two days ago, and my feet are hurting more lately (plantar fasciitis/flat foot and no insurance for custom orthotics) I have no money, I have credit debt up the wazoo and somehow have to pull money out of my ass. I can't ask my dad because he'll guilt trip me about him still having to look after me and pay my rent and credit bills and make me feel like a pathetic piece of crap, and then go into my transition and go on about how I'm making his life so ->-bleeped-<-ing difficult (even though he has a house, two cars, food in his fridge, clean laundry, a full-time career, a dutiful partner, and a huge family that loves and supports him while I'm ->-bleeped-<- broke).

Good news, I love my job and while I'm aching like ->-bleeped-<-ing hell every night when I come back, it's worth it because most of the people there respect me and enjoy my company.

Playing Rage (a video game) with father, fun. My mother buying a fancy gentlemen's perfume for me, fun. GID therapist's appointment next week, fun. Life is pretty good, actually.

My father got the hilarious gamertag WittyTeacher3, which the XBox suggested to him all by itself, so add him if you wish. We just got XBox live, I don't remember my gamertag but I'll add you if you wish. I'm a terrible gamer, though.

Quote from: Ryno on October 08, 2011, 10:07:02 AM

and my feet are hurting more lately (plantar fasciitis/flat foot and no insurance for custom orthotics)

hey, I'm a podiatry student so I couldn't help but focus on this  Have you tried stretching exercises for PF? there are a few ones that we've been taught that might help even just a little. Do you have a cold can of fizzy pop or something? if you place the can under the arch (or lack of :p) of your foot and then roll your foot back and forth it should help. The coldness is of extra benefit too (cold therapy!). Also if you stand if your foot on the edge of a step and kind of rock your foot up and down.  Doing these stretching exercises regularly is actually one of the best treatments for PF I believe.

sorry if that doesn't make sense, it's kinda late over here in the UK

I had the most AWESOME weekend ever!!! The film festival I interned for turned out to be a wonderful experience.  Quite a few people misgendered me, but I was talking with one of the other interns and came out to her, only to find out that she's involved in the GLBT community! She used correct pronouns right away and we became good friends.  I must be a GLBT-friendly magnet, because my coming out experiences have been great so far. (I hope I just didn't jynx myself LOL)

Quote from: El Capitan on October 08, 2011, 09:26:04 PM
hey, I'm a podiatry student so I couldn't help but focus on this  Have you tried stretching exercises for PF? there are a few ones that we've been taught that might help even just a little. Do you have a cold can of fizzy pop or something? if you place the can under the arch (or lack of :p) of your foot and then roll your foot back and forth it should help. The coldness is of extra benefit too (cold therapy!). Also if you stand if your foot on the edge of a step and kind of rock your foot up and down.  Doing these stretching exercises regularly is actually one of the best treatments for PF I believe.

sorry if that doesn't make sense, it's kinda late over here in the UK

That's actually really helpful. I know I need to be doing foot exercises but I just never think about it. Then I start walking to work (about a twenty minute walk) and remember I should have done something about my feet. I read that cycling is a great way to get cardio exercise with PF because it peddling puts pressure on the arch of your foot. So, I -should- be riding my bike to work instead of walking.

Feeling absolutely ->-bleeped-<-ty.
Trying to hide it while hanging out with Julie, and feeling rather thankful that she's incredibly imperceptive at times. Just wanna crawl into a hole and die.

Quote from: Ryno on October 09, 2011, 10:44:26 PM
That's actually really helpful. I know I need to be doing foot exercises but I just never think about it. Then I start walking to work (about a twenty minute walk) and remember I should have done something about my feet. I read that cycling is a great way to get cardio exercise with PF because it peddling puts pressure on the arch of your foot. So, I -should- be riding my bike to work instead of walking.

Glad you find it helpful mate It's all about trying a variety of things and seeing which one works for you. I don't know how long you've had PF but be aware that the condition is self-limiting ie. it should get better on its own eventually  


On topic: I'm struggling quite a bit with my gender identity atm. I feel like screaming at everyone who she's and her's me (bascially everyone)

I think my 6 year old goldfish is dying. Seems like it's going to be a loach tank soon.

Quote from: Ryno on October 08, 2011, 10:07:02 AM
I can't help ya with suggestions but when you come up with one, feel free to add ShadowCore90 (me). Don't think too much about it ... my brother's is completely ridiculous, something to the effect of TiddlyPantsBear, and he's a big hairy manly guy. Think of something you like, like a game, a movie, a character, a place, etc. and add your name or some other cool random word. I chose mine because I was playing as Shadow on a Sonic game and thought of a word that sounded cool with Shadow. You will probably think the name you choose is ridiculous and stupid but others will probably admire it, or at the very least not give a damn.

I'll add you. Maybe I will make it Dexter related since I'm really into that show.

Welll... I was out today, trying to find something nice to buy for a friend of mine who's in the hospital now. Everything was wrong, nothing was what I wanted to give her. Is giving jewellery to a woman you are not in a relationship with considered too "intimate"? I feel like a jerk now because I haven't got her that present I really want to give to her, to make her happy.
I'm also still quitting coffee, am very tired. My feet hurt, which sucks. Father bought me a book for a present for no real reason. I just watched this awful programme on television wherein a woman compared being a furry to transsexualism.

Quote from: PixieBoy on October 10, 2011, 01:33:05 PM
I just watched this awful programme on television wherein a woman compared being a furry to transsexualism.

I would've raged so goddamn hard.
I'm not even gonna lie, I hate furries so much its ridiculous.

I still don't understand the furry thing and why people hate them.

In this programme, the woman I talked about earlier claimed she was a feline in a human's body (or similar), and for instance said that people should concentrate on developing species-correction surgery rather than gender-correction surgery. She said that she wore cat's ears on her head because they made her shadow look more "right", and that she wore a tail for the same effect. She also said something about enjoying dressing up in leather and furs. I may be very prejudiced, but I thought she looked more like she wanted to be a cute catgirl like in anime rather than a real cat, considering she wore a necklace with a bell on it (what cat would be caught dead with something that impairs hunting?) and it sounded like she changed her voice to sound cute in an anime-like way (more high-pitched, more childish). I personally felt like she didn't act like a cat, but rather a human imitating the cute behaviours of a cat.


This is her.

Quote from: PixieBoy on October 11, 2011, 01:16:24 AM
In this programme, the woman I talked about earlier claimed she was a feline in a human's body (or similar), and for instance said that people should concentrate on developing species-correction surgery rather than gender-correction surgery.

There's a South Park episode for this.

it's just 2:32 A.M, and i'm doing my usual obsessive leaving no stone unturned thing through the internet. i often stay on longer than i need to.

*i think i just posted in the wrong section. i feel like i'm getting dumber.

Quote from: PixieBoy on October 11, 2011, 01:16:24 AM
In this programme, the woman I talked about earlier claimed she was a feline in a human's body (or similar), and for instance said that people should concentrate on developing species-correction surgery rather than gender-correction surgery. She said that she wore cat's ears on her head because they made her shadow look more "right", and that she wore a tail for the same effect. She also said something about enjoying dressing up in leather and furs. I may be very prejudiced, but I thought she looked more like she wanted to be a cute catgirl like in anime rather than a real cat, considering she wore a necklace with a bell on it (what cat would be caught dead with something that impairs hunting?) and it sounded like she changed her voice to sound cute in an anime-like way (more high-pitched, more childish). I personally felt like she didn't act like a cat, but rather a human imitating the cute behaviours of a cat.


This is her.

What is this I don't even....I think I just broke my nose facepalming.

Quote from: Bradd on October 11, 2011, 04:14:00 AM
What is this I don't even....I think I just broke my nose facepalming.

Being an "extreme" furry is just as valid as being transsexual. I only add the extreme label because not all furries are obsessed with modifying their bodies to match their ideal species (such a common misconception and generalization). Most furries just dress up for fun. But I would have to agree that this cat girl's arguement that transspecies surgeries would serve a better purpose than transsexual surgeries is a very egotistical mindset. Furries (and just people in general) like this piss me off. Rant over. 

NOW... To get back on topic, I've had a pretty good weekend. Connected with my father over cheesecake haha. I'm going to counseling today, I hope it goes over well.