Quote from: Grave Robber 9 (from Outer Space) on November 11, 2011, 01:54:52 AM
I have come to the conclusion that I'm meant to be a boy. I know I would hate to live full time as a girl; I enjoy acting masculine by dominating conversations, teasing people, arguing and,

Wait.  Women can't or don't do these things?  I'll give you, in a sexist environment these things will be harder as a woman.  And yes, most environments are sexist, but not all. 

In other words, as a man these things will only be easier if you wish to be surrounded by people who think women should just go with the flow.  Is that a mindset you wish to participate in?

Quotemore significantly, my chances of fulfilling my dreams, career-wise, would undoubtedly be shattered if I decided to transition.

Shattered from being a woman or being trans?

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No matter what, though, I hope for your happiness in this.  If that's being a man, then perhaps you can solve your dysphoria by being androgynous or effeminate, yet still clearly male. 

Obviously i dont now you but i think your maing an incredibly brave decision, at least from my point of view. The only thing in this world i have found to be as hard as transitioning was not transitioning................. Thats why im transitioning though so i sort of see where you are coming from if your scales were weighed int he other direction

My Gender pschologist said to me that only I could really know if i was transexual or if transition was right for me, likewise only you can know if you are not/it is not right for you. Good luck with whatever you do though

Quote from: jesse on November 11, 2011, 01:22:17 PM
hi grave i cant really offer much more then interallia has already offered i personally resisted this as long as i could until 40 years old to be exact the toll it took on me in those 30 plus years was completely ridiculous i loss my ability to feel to connect with other people to feel if i was anything other then an empty shell going threw the motions. having said all that i would still say resist as long as you can but watch what it does to you in the trade off for me it was too much for you who knows by trying to man up i caused more harm phycologically to myself then if i would just have left it alone.
jessi

Well said! The toll taken by constantly needing to beat the devil down will effect so many areas of your life. As Jessie said I became an empty shell. "Life sucks and then you die" was my affirmation. It was such a sad revelation one day when I was asked "What brings you joy?"  I had no real answer. The last time I felt joy was 7 years earlier.

By all measures I was a success as a male. It meant nothing to me. I was a fake, am a fake. I have a great career, traveled the world, been involved in some remarkable feats of pulling the bacon out of the fire, and fell in love and eventually married the most incredible woman in the world after earning her heart back three times. Besides my wife, it all means nothing.

At the age of 55 I am seriously looking at transition for the third time. I feel I can do part time and that will be enough. But who knows? At this age after years of thinking I did defeat de devil, I was only fooling myself. A pot hole in the road of life can do that with ease.

I know dysphory will never go away.
It's hard to live in the gender you don't want to.
Some people can deal with it, some can't, it's all so very personal.

You can ask yourself a question...all the success and the image you have....is it worthy to live as a man.
if you can say yes...you can probally deal with it, if it is no, than there are hard times coming for you.

I'll hope you will find a way out for yourself.

The key to liking yourself and getting the most out of life is not to divide yourself into things that you like/dislike about yourself, that way lies madness.  Just accept yourself as you are, sometimes you feel male other times you feel female.   If you cannot at the moment stop labelling your thoughts and feelings etc as 'good' or 'bad', 'male' or 'female' then just accept that confusion.   These days we are all under huge pressure to define ourselves clearly and make it easy for others such as employers and fellow employees to understand us.  We are forced to 'sell' our personalities to the highest bidder.   Be complicated, be multi-faceted, be a diamond instead of a lump of coal like all the others.

Quote from: Grave Robber 9 (from Outer Space) on November 11, 2011, 01:54:52 AM
I have come to the conclusion that I'm meant to be a boy. I know I would hate to live full time as a girl; I enjoy acting masculine by dominating conversations, teasing people, arguing and, more significantly, my chances of fulfilling my dreams, career-wise, would undoubtedly be shattered if I decided to transition.

Dominating conversations, teasing people, and arguing are fun, and I do all three often (with friends). I like to think I have a spunky personality, though it's also rather sassy by its nature... and by no means does anyone, to my knowedge, think I'm terribly masculine-acting. I'm not usually the media-programmed stereotype of passive, feminine, pink-loving horribleness (it ultimately depends on my comfort with the person being associated with), but I don't believe that contradicts my feminine personality one bit - that is, I feel as if it accentuates it, even completes it.

If you're focused on trying to live as male, then perhaps you can do so with a twinge (or more than a twinge ) of flamboyance; it may make it more bearable. However, you might also have to realize that your cross-gender feelings may eventually catch up with you, and devastate you. These feelings don't often get better with time... it is a positive-feedback reaction, in that it just gets worse until it is resolved.

I hope for the best for you, and I hope that whatever you do to make yourself happy stays together and fulfills you for the time to follow this present

Another person who never transitioned and never plans to here.

Is your career of choice something you really love to do? Or just something that will make you a lot of money? Just curious.

It sounds to me that you're like a lot of other people, parts of you are male and parts of you are female. Some parts can be physical, some parts can be emotional, some parts can be mental, etc.

Also, not everyone has to change their body to be themselves. When you try to "fake" something - anything ... it usually does not turn out good in the end. You'll get to a point where you hit a wall. Unless you're one of those rare individuals who actually is somehow fulfilled by acting out a part - pretending to be someone they're not - then you won't actually be fulfilled. You may end up with a very successful career, but be empty and frustrated inside.

I can relate.  I don't want to transition either.  I mainly don't want to deal with the cost, the nuisance, and don't want to mess with a healthy body.  Plus I don't know if I'd be happier living as male.  It would be just another label that doesn't have anything to do with who I am.

I'm also a music person.  It's a very accepting community to be a part of, and makes it easier to deal with the gender issues (partly because a lot of us have them).  But in the long run, I'd like to be respected as a song-writer by people outside of my cozy little scene.  Being trans would be too much of a distraction from the music itself.  Being female is hard enough - you're a "female guitar player", "female songwriter", etc.  If there's something more unusual about you, that's all people see; they stop paying attention to the music.  I couldn't live with the knowledge that the best I could possibly do would be to be a well-known novelty act.  I want to think it's possible for the stuff I write to have an impact of its own merit.

At the same time, you won't get far without being true to yourself.  So you have to find a way to be who you are, openly, without transitioning.

If you don't want to transition, then the answer is plainly and clearly that you shouldn't. Your instinct is what's more important than anyone's advice because whichever way you go, it's your choice to live with down the road.

As for dysphoria, you should focus on the goals that make you not want to transition. Focusing on your dysphoria will only make it worse.

 Like you, I have no wish to be a failed transsexual, unable to pass.  I also found that the depression and suicidal ideation  my dysphoria caused had to go.  Many, like myself,  have found that cross gender hormone treatments helps the dysphoria tremendously.  I have had my facial hair removed, takes hormones, pluck eyebrows (moderately), and wear clear nail polish.  I work in an extremely macho environment, though at the higher end of the corporate structure.  I am married to a very accepting wife.  At times I can fully express my feminine self while maintaining the male personae needed to make a living in my field.   It is enough for me.