It's been nagging at me since last year, and as it approaches again, I finally realized what it is that makes me so uncomfortable about this.

Do we have to be murdered to be noticed?  Is a big hate crime really worse than a little one?

More trans people die of suicide than homicide.  (That's also true of people in general, not just trans people; and it gets no news).  Society kills us in fits and starts, in bits and pieces, like slow-motion electrocution, until some give up and end it.  That's more tragic, in my view, than straight murder.  Trans people who commit suicide do it because they're being tortured to death, and want it to stop.  I'd rather be murdered.  There are times when I pray to God to take me.  Just hit me with lightning or a meteor and end the torture.  Then I see beauty in the clouds or hear it in birdsong, or laugh at something; and I'm over it.  But that's me.  People who don't get over it, and end it themselves, that's absolutely worse than being murdered.  Suicide is painless is the theme song to a TV show, not reality.

I went to it one year. By the end of the night I was mortified by all the death...surprised they didn't show pictures. Because the descriptions were already graphic enough.

I wanted to vomit and cry at the same time. This is someone who loves death metal and gore. But that was just too much for me.

Gina~~
I guess I kind of feel like there will be no difference when there *IS* no difference. My dream for the future is a calendar free from months, weeks, and days of "remembrance" or segregation of any kind! I dream of all people just being people and being fascinated with each other's stories and differences even as we bond over the little things like what kind of food we like to eat or what music sounds good.

I live in Colorado where there was a heart-breaking trial a couple of years ago for a gal named Angie Zapata who was beaten to death by her boyfriend with a fire extinguisher. It happened in a community that is probably the most liberal in the state. I really hate that part of my brain and energy is sapped away by the sorrow for her passing. I'd much rather that all my time and energy were spent moving forward in helping people accept people of all walks of life. I also worry that the only people who will be moved are the ones who already accept TG folk for who they are. At my wife's workplace, there are some unfortunate folks who are so fearful that they actually rooted for Angie's killer during the trial.

I think on this year's Transgender Day of Remembrance I will spend some time saying a mala for love to fill all those hearts so filled with fear right now. I think my time will be better served that way than crying over lives cut tragically short, no matter whose hand did the killing.

Namaste to you all. I hope this world feels safe for everyone someday.

~~E

I thought this day was already about suicide. Were missing out on a great marketing opportunity here with the insurance industry.

See how many could be saved for only pennies a day?

Quote from: Michelle. on November 13, 2011, 06:10:50 PM
I thought this day was already about suicide.

So did I , but I am a newbie. The suicide aspect is/does get brought up with the TG group I belong to and their public demonstration on TDOR.

As Gina alluded to, the suicide rates for us are obscenely high. Almost the "Dirty little secret" of being trans that is so uncomfortable even for us to talk about. That is the real crime taking place every day, every hour, and nearly every moment of many of our lives. "Is suicide a viable alternative?" has likely passed through all our minds at one point. The wanton and senseless murders and beatings are heartbreaking. The causes of those crimes as well as the suicides are the same.

Thank you folks for for supporting my thoughts . I volunteer as a person within a group called S. A G E , Service Allied with Gays in Education . We council both medical personnel and non medical personnel as to the needs of us that are in hospitals , nursing homes or assisted living conditions . I for one just got out of a Nursing home environment over a infection that nearly took my life . I still volunteer there on a weekly basis . Meanwhile , everyone there has had the opportunity to meet and question me as to my life history and needs as a Transwoman . Look, I'm probably never going to have the finial operation . Medically. and financially, I doubt it's possible . Meanwhile I'm also available here locally to speak to youth that want to hear what it's like to be in the Trans Community. I spent too any years being told to join the "Victims ". Hell, I'm a survivor . See y'all at T D O R as I celebrate the lives of those who couldn't join me !!! ellen

The places I have been to remembers the trans who were murdered and committed suicide.

However, it is harder to find those who commit suicide versus murder because many of the families of the suicide victim gives as little information out as possible because some of them are ashamed.

But I have been to memorials that had both. It is one of those things that I hate going to but I need to go to. Def not a fun night for me. But it needs to be done.

I will be attending TDOR this Friday. I may speak also, delivering a positive message.  Yes, we remember those who have died during the past year. I will point out that suicide IS a very huge concern.

I have been out for over six years. I came out at age fifty-six. I have chosen not to live in fear or be a victim. I have a right to be who I am and so do you. This is one activity I attend every year because it's important to pay homage to those who have passed-and to us who are living.

Personally, I frame the event differently. I think it is necessary to remember and demand remembrance of trans* victims of hate crimes precisely because our murders, suicides, abuse and harassment go without notice or concern most days. If we don't make our reality of violence known, we can't work to change things.

Every TDOR event is a little different, but the event I am helping to plan on my campus is focusing on not only hate crime victims and systemic violence but also self-harm and suicide. In response, we are speaking of the resilience of trans* people who continue to fight for the right to survive, as well as the need to change things. We are also plugging the trans* support group on campus for trans* people who may be struggling with self-harm and thoughts of suicide. The event is also largely trans-led, which I think is absolutely necessary.

I think these events in general, however, would do better to be mindful of triggering content. If, for example, the event includes graphic descriptions of hate crimes, a trigger warning needs to be publicized. I think it's better to avoid those descriptions, though, because they can keep trans* people away from our own event.