*hug* But not too tight...I have a chest cold and also feel like I'm about to vomit, so too much squeezing could equal a big mess. :|

I'm getting sick

I'm frustrated. Using an unfamiliar browser on my partner's iPad, and I don't know where any of the buttons are. Grumble.

I'm also running on four hours of sleep after a very emotional last couple days, so it figures I'm grumpy.

Reminds me of the thing I learned in therapy once...if I find myself over-emotional/grumpy. HALT! Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?

This flu sucks donkey. Fortunately, the upset stomach and fever stopped last night, and haven't seemed to return. I'm glad, as it's a chesty-coughy flu I have, and to have a stomach problem on top of that would suck.

That makes so much sense. The world is always a brighter place after I take a nap and eat some protein.

I have the kind of hangover that tells me yesterday must have been a good night out.

Hangovers.  It's been a long time but yes, I remember those   
Beer and tomato juice was my cure.

Tomato juice is blehh.

This cold, gah. My whole body aches, the place that pushes out the coughs hurts so bad, mucus is stuck no matter what...it's 5:30 pm where I am here. I slept from 9 am until now. Before that, I tried to sleep but just ended up crying because it hurt so much to do so. Mom wants to get me antibiotics, but I know better - this stuff is only bacterial like 1 out of 10 times, and they don't have much in the way of anti-virals. Plus my doctor is 2 hours away, unless someone drives me, sooo. *lays here and continues my own pity party*

The cold feels hugely improved today. But now I have period cramps YAY! My body is an a-hole.

I went to see a counsellor today. She's apparently a registered psych...I was told I would probably be dealing with a student, so to be honest I'm glad I got someone registered. I think this one will be different. The past ones...one wanted to make it all about my "homosexuality", the other was my gender therapist so that was obviously the focus, and the other I was in because I felt pressured to be. I hadn't really identified what I wanted to get from counselling either. Until now. So let's hope this is fruitful.

She said "I really admire your strength to work towards being kind and fair in relationships." I felt guilty, and admitted that. Not because I don't want to be kind, just because I have not always been kind. Kind was a good word for her to use though...it's the kind of word I hope people will use to describe me one day.

Pretty.

And that's coming from the inside, no one else shoved it in my face, which is useless to do since I never believe them anyway.

Nervous, excited, cautiously optimistic, starting to freak out.

I emailed a surgeon with pictures and questions about the kind of chest surgery I want. It's probably a little premature, since I don't know how long it will be until I have the funds, but I needed to do something to make some sort of progress.

** Thumbs up **

It might be premature but I hope you actively doing something to reach your goal will help alleviate your pain/dysphoria

Aw. My mom said that if my grandma (her mother) made her choose between spending Christmas dinner with her and spending it with me, she'd choose me. And she said that since I chose to not go this year (as my grandma said some hurtful things) she would make sure I had a nice supper Christmas night. My mommy loves me. 

oh and Julian, wow!! I am so happy for you but super jealous. Even if the money hasn't come together yet, that's a huge and awesome step.

Thanks. I just need to sit down with my parents and discuss how we'll scrape up the funds, and when I can fit it in in terms of school. Might be as early as spring break. I don't want to get my hopes up, but they're up. I'm terrified they'll get crushed.

I'm sad. I think my friend here and I had a slight miscommunication. I miss her 

Hugs emmam

I feel sad too
I think my transition will take so loooong even just to start it, and i can't stand all this waiting
I also feel sad because everything i want seems impossile to reach
And i say to myself i ll never look a woman, never wear my clothes and so on, being soooo tall and with biiggg shoulders
Sad for this and for the fact that i am, depressed by these feelings cant make my mind work properly to fight everyday battles, to pay attention, to learn, to remember, to , be functional at the work i'll find

Sadness is stupid.




I feel ignored. Deeply, terribly, intentionally ignored.

Ignored.

No names. People have the right to ignore, as I have the right to endlessly bitch about it.

The Q is an accurate badge. I like the word queer. Still a girl though, just a queer one.