I don't know how to keep going at the moment.  I'm stuck waiting for my visa to be approved which could take up to 8 more months - this means, until then, I can't work, can't use Medicare and can't get private insurance.  I can't get a straight answer out of anyone as to whether or not my GP here in South Australia can write me a script for hormones without the need to have a letter from a psych.  Even if I saw a psych, which my wife would have to pay for out-of-pocket, he would probably refuse me hormones while I lack my visa.  I feel so sad and lost - I'm 32 and feel like I'll never even get on T.  Being here and in my real life support group, I don't feel like I fit in.  Everyone around me is either on T or about to be.  I'm stuck at home 24 hours a day with time to obsess over these thoughts and to think of nearly a year more of this agony is heartbreaking.  If I could just move a foot forward and see light at the end of the tunnel, I could cope.  But it's just not there.  I don't know how to keep going.

I'm so sorry, mate. If it is any help, you could probably try boosting your T levels naturally through diet and exercise. That way when you're home alone, you have something to do to encourage you and take your mind off of the stress. I would NOT suggest self medicating, because it could be potentially harmful and get you into trouble. :(

Maybe a hobby or something that doesn't bring about your dysphoric thoughts will help you make it through the wait, you know? If your support group isn't much help, maybe you need to find another outlet. If you need to vent, let it out. Sometimes it feels better to do that. You WILL get there, it just takes time, as irritating as it may sound. It's hard to keep picking yourself up after you're knocked down, but the end result can be worth all the struggle.

Eating cabbage helps! Really. AND it increases your sex drive

I'm sorry, man. That's really rough. I felt the same way when I was trying to get my medical situation sorted out. And then people told me bulls**t like "just enjoy the journey" and I wanted to scream F YOU THIS HURTS MORE THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE EVERY DAY AAAAAUUGGGH. It was so rough. Sometimes I think talking to someone else who's in the same situation helps more than talking to people who've gone through it and come out the other side.

Before I was out, I enjoyed martial arts very much. I don't know if you're an anti-violence type, but I felt like my masculine identity was very accepted and affirmed in the dojo.

Thanks so much, guys.  You're right, hobbies are good ideas - I just got Skyrim so that helps a little.  I would love to get into martial arts actually.  I tried looking into ways to naturally boost T levels, but no info is ever consistent.  What's the secret with cabbage?  I heard that zinc, magnesium and herbal supplements can boost T, but I don't know what's factual.

Kreuzfidel, I don't know anything about how it might work out for you, but I was in what felt like a very similar position pretty recently. Unemployed and in limbo because of my daughter's situation, unable to figure out how to get a T prescription or letter, unable to afford gender counseling, 30 years old and spinning my wheels, not knowing when if ever I'd get to transition medically. Over and over I watched guys in my support group start T and change and become happier.

I was resigned to the way things were, and sad about it, but I kept bashing my head against the walls and looking for cracks where some light might shine through, and eventually I started getting some leads and little bits of hope. At some point it just went like dominoes. This month I go on T, file for name change, and get my gender letter for the DMV. There have been a lot of other big transition milestones for me recently. But for a very long time nothing happened.

I don't know how to tell you to proceed, but don't give up.

Kreuzfidel, I haven't seen many of your posts but I actually thought you were on T.  You sure as hell look like a man in your avatar, to me at least.

I can relate to that feeling of being stuck, I'm not going for HRT but I desperately want/need surgery, and at the moment I don't have any possibility of that happening in the next decade. I cling to my friends, write when I can, and run my forum. I'm stuck at home, too, and god I can understand how terrifying that can be at times.

I know a GP CAN write you a prescription for T without a letter, but that doesn't mean they will. In fact, I would be very shocked if you managed to find one who would, but that shouldn't stop you from trying. Call around and ask if there is anyone who can do so, or if there's anyone who will allow you to get a prescription through informed consent. If that doesn't work, there may be an organisation in your city that you can contact to get some help. I got my letter from a psych who donated her time to our community, so our sessions only cost me a small donation towards the community space. I'm sure there would be something like that in your city too.

If you can't find anything, send me a message and I'll ask around some of the guys here and see if anyone can help you find someone in your city to talk to.

The cabbage thing wasn't a joke, I read somewhere that it's supposed to boost your free T, and I
went for it. Maybe, it was psychological, but I thought it helped. I had it every day as a snack or
a full meal, just steam it with some olive oil added to the water and salt and pepper. You can have
it as a soup or just the leaves and even cold it's quite nice; don't eat it with soy sauce, as soy is
a natural estrogene stimulant (eeek!)
And if I may be indescrete, telling from your name (Kreuzfidel), you don't happen to be of german or
austrian origin? If so, and you've made it as far as Oz, you should consider yourself one lucky son of
a bitch! Really, I mean if you can pull that off, a move like that, bridging the contintents, hemispheres
even,  what's transitioning other than another....great journey???Don't hit me now, I know you're fed
up with this crap talk, but look at me, 3.....8! And not even started the procedure to be on T, not any
time soon, that is! My therapist is i Belgium, I'm in Germany, I spend 100 EUR on travel alone for every
appointment, I'm totally broke, can only see him once a month, and it'll take about 10 sessions for him
to write that f....g letter, so I'll probably will be an old fart by the time the work is finished and I can
finally take my shirt off in the summer (probably not as  45 old...all depends )
So, chin up and enjoy being there! I wish I could just pack my bags and get on a plane....

Thanks, guys, it means a lot.  I come to Susan's because of awesome folks like you.  To Bane, thanks mate.  It seems like there are groups that deal with gay and lesbian issues, but no one seems to be able to tell me a thing about transitioning without going through the gender clinic here in Adelaide.  All of the transfolk I know here have gone through the clinic so they can't tell me anything.  I want to avoid that clinic at all costs as the resident psych has a thing against FTMs - abusing them verbally and going out of his way to stop them from changing psychs if they get fed up with his BS.  He even told an FTM friend of mine, "f--k you're fat, no one will ever want you".  He seems to have a monopoly here on trans patients and there's only one other gender psych but no one I know has ever seen him.  If you could help, Bane, I'd be indebted to you, mate.  And thanks to Captain Fantastic - it's a double whammy moving continents and transitioning at the same time :/

I didn't read all the posts here, so sorry if I'm repeating what someone else said. 

But what about volunteering?  Idk if you're into that.  If you have some sort of LGBT center, try volunteering there.  You could waste your time doing something you might feel is a greater good.  and meet lots of cool people in the meantime  
8 months will fly by.  trust me.

I've been socially transitioned for 3 years now, and I've seen guys who've transitioned after me get T AND surgery before me, cos they could afford private treatment and I can't. But if you fill your days with stuff to do, it makes the wait so much easier. Volunteer, exercise, do the garden, paint your house, convert the garage into a home gym - it doesn't matter what really, it just keeps you busy - and if you can give back to society somehow, it will help you feel better too. Good luck man