Military family, cold and repressed mother. Emotions frowned upon, especially by my mother. She didn't even like it when I became visibly upset and didn't cry. If I cried, it had to be for a darned good reason, like a genuine injury. I cried when I got pretty badly hurt or when something awful happened (I even cried in public a couple of times when someone died), but I was otherwise emotionally frozen.

I was nineteen when my grandfather died, and my mother criticized me for not showing enough emotion when I was told the news. Well, you taught me to be that way, didn't you? Don't condemn me for it, you *****.

After I came out, I started learning to cry. I was a mess and wouldn't have been able to hold it all in anyway. Then T put a stop to that, but only for a while. I decided I didn't like not being able to cry when I needed it, so I retrained myself. It's still harder than pre-T, but I think I have the best of both worlds. Perfect control when I want it, no worries about crying in public when something bad happens. But I can usually get in touch with it when I want to.

Like so many, emotion was something that was not acceptable at home.  You didn't show happiness, you didn't show sadness and you never cried, even in the midst of having the belt taken to you.

Later in life I hid emotions because of wild mood swings.  If I allowed my emotions to get the better of me, I would have wildly swinging highs and low, suicidal lows.  I don't know if my diabetes had anything to do with it or not.

I still at this age have trouble showing too much feelings, I do cry now though.

Oh, yes they do cry ! But they cry alone in the bathroom and without makeing to much noise leat attrack undue attention. 

Where i grow up, amn will cry in front of other man but only when drunk. Next day nobody remembers a thing. 

In a serious note, I have been on E for 3 months, and yes, I am more "weepie" than before; kind of unnerving.

I have to admit that I don't have much control when I'm in a session. I'm too vulnerable to my therapist, and he knows me too well and asks the hard questions.

Quote from: Arch on December 13, 2011, 10:02:40 PM
I have to admit that I don't have much control when I'm in a session. I'm too vulnerable to my therapist, and he knows me too well and asks the hard questions.

My therapist asked me once why he was talking to Keaira the Scientist and not Keaira and her emotional side. this was pre-HRT. He would try and get though but I always had an answer. I think honestly I kept myself locked away and hidden. I was too scared to trust this person enough to open myself up that much. So even if I was breaking down inside, I never showed it. Like you, I come from a military family. Now, I will cry in public and I dont feel bad doing it anymore. I feel its part of me.