Hi Salome
Good to read your operation was successfull.
Also a good thing you have so many caring friends, you must be a good person to achieve that.
Relaxing is a matter of the mind, you expect pain so your muscles are in tension, that's a normal reaction.
Tell yourself before you start that you will go till it hurts, than you will see that you can deal with it much better because you know you will not have much pain, concentrate on your breathing instead of dilation, it will hurt when you squeeze your muscles, when you're focused on something else maybe you don't squeeze than.
If nothing helps, you can ask your general practitioner for a prescription for a muscle relaxer such as diazepam.
I know it's a bit scary to put something in your vagina in the beginning, but it has to, to keep it open, there is no alternative.
After all, you don't want to go to the surgeon again, do you?
I hope this will help you.
Keep on going the good work.
hugs
Annette