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Anyone else find Susan's has lost its feeling of comfort ?

Started by LilDevilOfPrada, December 24, 2011, 04:43:29 AM

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LilDevilOfPrada

Well i have been here only 7.5 months but in this short time i have seen many many experienced and kind womyn and men leave. I mean i used to log on speak my pain and would of been comfortable with life in a matter of posts. I find these days that i have a subconscious instinct to not post my pain because i am more likely to be attacked these days :( 

Say what you will but any of you who were members 7+ months ago should understand what i mean.

Just saying when those who have seen and learnt  leave this website a part of it is destroyed forever and has only been replaced by those who seek to see and learn.

I wish the joke filled atmosphere would return so i could gain interest in posting again:) haha
Awww no my little kitten gif site is gone :( sad.


2 Febuary 2011/13 June 2011 hrt began
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lilacwoman

happens all the time to all forums.

I have to keep abreast of developments in TBGL stuff for my job, conferences and my writing, and over last 6/7 years so many sites I used to look into shrivelled and died - even without my help.      :angel:

seems everyone finds the info they seek or goes looking elsewhere.

I've had three invites to link up over Xmas for dinner or drinks with three groups I used to love chatting to on separate forums but I've no interest in seeing them again.
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annette

I do agree with you.
It's not longer supporting anymore but an arguementsite.
That's a bad thing, there were friendly and supporting people here.
You don't see them here anymore.

I have met people here who became friends, I knew when i had a problem they would help me with some good advice or giving some comfort and I was surely willing to do that for others.

These days are gone, and I don't hope for ever, I had plans to leave too, because most of the time it's annoying to hear every time, while I did have a very successfully transition, I'm still a man because of the chromosomes.

So, it seems it was all for nothing.
I try to ignore those yelling gayscene self proclaimed woman, they feel strong because they are a part of the umbrella.
I think it's an abuse of the umbrella, but that's the Tos.

I do still hope that things are gonna change one day and that the supporting times are back.
After all, transition is not an easy thing to do and one can use all the suport they can get.

I'm glad you saw it happening too, I tought I was a bit too sensitive but your post prove that there was a change here and it was not a good change.
Let's hope the people who run this site will see it too and will do something about it.
  •  

ByeBye

I feel that way. I lost 3 Reputation points for being honest. If I don't always say "you look beautiful" I get penalized.

It happened to me. People were honest with me and everyone agreed.

Sometimes if someone looks boyish, I'll say it.

For me at least, it boosts my awareness of how far I have to go and makes me realize I'm not done in my transition.

Imagine what would happen if I looked boyish, everyone told me I looked beautiful, and I lived full time like that?

I'd be considered a freak.

Luckily, I had to refrain from presenting as a woman until I look more like one.

Thank you for your honesty, I really appreciate it,

Body of Alyssa to be. ♥
♥   I'm like an egg that is hatching into something great :)
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Kim 526

That's curious... I find this site to be informative, helpful and congenial. Guess I don't really understand where the OP is coming from.
"Peace came upon me and it leaves me weak,
So sleep, silent angel, go to sleep."
  •  

Amazon D

I have been coming here off and on for over a dozen yrs. I found its up to me if i get along and i found there will always be people who are here with a bad attitude. love ya all .. keep coming back  ;)
I'm an Amazon womyn + very butch + respecting MWMF since 1999 unless invited. + I AM A HIPPIE

  •  

Devlyn

"Anyone else find Susans has lost its level of comfort?" Nope, hugs, Devlyn
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Jen61

I agree with you. Almost every interesting thread gets derailed by 2 or 3 toxic individuals pushing their "life style" in an obnoxious way over and over and over.

Jen61
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cynthialee

The OP is right.

You should have been here 2 years ago. The place was ALLOT more civil and there was a number of post op women who stayed to help the newbies.

Those days are gone.

A few bad apples can spoil the entire barrel.
So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.
If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.
If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.
Sun Tsu 'The art of War'
  •  

Tamaki

Susans is not the same place it was when I joined. I don't find the same comfort here I did back then but it's still a very special place. Members will come and go and there will be fall outs it's the nature of groups. What made it feel so comforting back the is the people took the time to write to others when they were in distress to comfort them, share their experience and help then see things in a different light. People open up and joke around when they feel safe.

LilDevilOfPrada start being that which you want to see. Give to the people on Susans what you want to get out of it. Ignore (and report) the flamers and haters and suport the people who need it. I really believe that our community only exists to the extent which we are willing to help each other.
  •  

Torn1990

Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on December 24, 2011, 04:43:29 AM
Well i have been here only 7.5 months but in this short time i have seen many many experienced and kind womyn and men leave. I mean i used to log on speak my pain and would of been comfortable with life in a matter of posts. I find these days that i have a subconscious instinct to not post my pain because i am more likely to be attacked these days :( 

Say what you will but any of you who were members 7+ months ago should understand what i mean.

Just saying when those who have seen and learnt  leave this website a part of it is destroyed forever and has only been replaced by those who seek to see and learn.

I wish the joke filled atmosphere would return so i could gain interest in posting again:) haha

I completely understand what you mean and i've tried to bring this up. I gained alot of support here when i first joined, so much.
queer, transgender woman, Feminist, & writer. ~
  •  

Annah

Quote from: LilDevilOfPrada on December 24, 2011, 04:43:29 AM
Well i have been here only 7.5 months but in this short time i have seen many many experienced and kind womyn and men leave. I mean i used to log on speak my pain and would of been comfortable with life in a matter of posts. I find these days that i have a subconscious instinct to not post my pain because i am more likely to be attacked these days :( 

Say what you will but any of you who were members 7+ months ago should understand what i mean.

Just saying when those who have seen and learnt  leave this website a part of it is destroyed forever and has only been replaced by those who seek to see and learn.

I wish the joke filled atmosphere would return so i could gain interest in posting again:) haha

it feels the same with me. You have good nature people, you have trouble makers, you have elitists, you have dreamers, etc etc. Been like that since I signed up.

When you first started to post, you used to post 30-75 posts a day. No matter how good (or bad) a site is, that much posting is going to burn you out.

Also, it is a good thing for the site to be about seek and learn too as many people have questions, etc
  •  

Annah

Quote from: ~~BebeLyss~~ on December 24, 2011, 07:58:48 AM
I feel that way. I lost 3 Reputation points for being honest. If I don't always say "you look beautiful" I get penalized.

It happened to me. People were honest with me and everyone agreed.

Sometimes if someone looks boyish, I'll say it.

yeah but to play devil's advocate, the person you commented on looks incredible and passes very easily (and I hardly ever say on a forum someone passes). It was like you were describing someone who wasn't in those pics at all. It's awesome to see people post honestly in the "do I pass thread" because lord knows, too many people post "you look great" with the same mentality as a four year handing their mom or dad a drawing and saying the same thing.

But the set of pics you commented on, the girl passed VERY well considering she isn't even on hrt yet. I think the reasons why you were given those negative ratings by people was because you were projecting your own personal frustrations out on other people and you did admit that yesterday.
  •  

newkama_sanji

Quote from: annette on December 24, 2011, 06:28:43 AM
I do agree with you.
It's not longer supporting anymore but an arguementsite.
That's a bad thing, there were friendly and supporting people here.
You don't see them here anymore.

I have met people here who became friends, I knew when i had a problem they would help me with some good advice or giving some comfort and I was surely willing to do that for others.

These days are gone, and I don't hope for ever, I had plans to leave too, because most of the time it's annoying to hear every time, while I did have a very successfully transition, I'm still a man because of the chromosomes.

So, it seems it was all for nothing.
I try to ignore those yelling gayscene self proclaimed woman, they feel strong because they are a part of the umbrella.
I think it's an abuse of the umbrella, but that's the Tos.

I do still hope that things are gonna change one day and that the supporting times are back.
After all, transition is not an easy thing to do and one can use all the suport they can get.

I'm glad you saw it happening too, I tought I was a bit too sensitive but your post prove that there was a change here and it was not a good change.
Let's hope the people who run this site will see it too and will do something about it.

I just signed up about a day ago, and it's my first time opening up to my feminization. Perhaps because I've read older threads prior to joining here that I have the same great impression of this site as PradaDevil once had.

While I'm not one to say that things have indeed changed, I can confirm that this hostile "political correction" from ONLINE activists is a recent phenomenon that is a systemic response to an ever more interconnectedness of multiple cultures, as a result of the exponential growth of social networks. It's true that LGBT/animal/human rights need as much attention and action as possible, but the truth is that most militant "pundits" I've seen are quick to harass anyone who, regardless of his kind intentions, they think are reinforcing oppression through willful ignorance. They give people a long list of "politically correct" terms to use to appropriate the multifarious shades of cultural identity and expect you to memorize them all. And they do this without considering that people have other WORK to do, and most likely have never had the privilege of attending a course or seminar on critical theory unlike some spoiled scholars who've never done an hour of labor their whole life.

Sometimes the whole thing seems like a farcical ironic capitalist competition on righteousness, the capital being one's misfortune, and the most victimized gets to win the profit of moral highground.

There's no denying the fact that the term "Politically Correct" came to be for the staggeringly simple reason that it is, indeed, correct. More controversially, it is ethically sound to transgress dominant political and cultural hegemonies with violence.

But to attack another "victim of the institution" is entirely different from raising arms and starting a real bloody revolution. It's just armchair political poetics that is an inferior imitation of action.


BTW, DevilPrada, the quote "Religion is the opium of the people" is not Marx's attack on religion, it is an out-of-context quotation of his criticism of people who are hostile against religion. As Karl Marx said of criticism of religion, "To call on them to give up their illusions about their condition is to call on them to give up a condition that requires illusions." It means that before a raging atheist basks in the sense of superiority he receives from ridiculing what he says as a straightforward symptom of lack of intelligence, if the atheist were any smarter he would understand that religious escapism would no longer be necessary without the imperialist tyranny of transnational capitalism. One should act to subvert this system of oppression before criticising the only hope the victims have left.
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Beth Andrea

All forums go thru these kinds of things, imho. Forums are an online version of real life (the only difference is how quickly people can turn to rudeness).

As in real life, people will come and go...and we only remember the good times.

There was a song once, I think it was called "The Way We Were", where the opening lines were

QuoteDoes anyone remember the good ol' days?
Ah yes, the good ol' days...the good ol' days...
We have to keep in mind that *these* will be
the "good ol' days" for our children...

I probably butchered the lyrics, but the meaning is there...2 years ago we could probably find someone who posted "Remember 2 years ago..?" (which would be 4 years to us)...and in a couple of years, we'll see a post that laments how Susan's has changed in the past few months (which would be in our future)...

My advice? Just like when dealing with real people...praise the good, ignore the bad. You can't correct people on the internet (unless they're willing to accept your help; and you can't control that), so if someone posts something that JUST REALLY CHAPS YOUR HIDE, simply scroll down to the next post, breathe deep....and press on.

*hugs* to all

*hugs* to Susan's for being here.
...I think for most of us it is a futile effort to try and put this genie back in the bottle once she has tasted freedom...

--read in a Tessa James post 1/16/2017
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Amazon D

I would be rich if each time a group of newly post ops left to start their own group paid me a buck.

well maybe not rich but it happens with many newly post op sisters..

and people come here to antagonize people they can and others come here for help

learn to see the difference..

hugs
I'm an Amazon womyn + very butch + respecting MWMF since 1999 unless invited. + I AM A HIPPIE

  •  

MsDazzler

Don't take it too personally if people disagree or argue with you. If we all were passive and "yes, madam" here, it would make for a boring forum! lol

Also, this forum is way better than some other transgender forums I have seen - especially that godawful porn site.
  •  

Sandy

As one of the elder women here, I too have noticed a change in tone.  Sad in some ways, but is the way things happen.

Many of my brothers and sisters have moved on because either they feel they have nothing more to gain or contribute as their transition, in whatever form they see it, is complete.  Or they have felt pushed out by acrimony.

I also have drifted away.  I completed my transition and no longer think of myself as trans-anything.  I had a birth defect and it is now corrected.  I have always been a woman and I am now a woman in soul and body, my transition is in the past and while part of my history, is not part of my life now.

I contribute little now and very seldom start topics.  Everything that others are going through I have already gone through.  My experience may be of little use to them.

I remain because there are some few who come here who are in agony and dire need of support.  I try to show that the obstacles can be overcome and life can be joyous and colorful.  I try to be the dragonfly who returned.

Also there are those who seek technical information about the rigors of gender transition.  I try to help there as well.

I will remain, mostly in silence, as long as I feel that my participation, in whatever capacity, is useful.

-Sandy
Out of the darkness, into the light.
Following my bliss.
I am complete...
  •  

spacial

I can also, generally, understand how many are feeling. But much of it will be the normal changes that take place in any dynamic environment.

However, I have found that posts, mine and others are more likely to be read and responded to if they can follow some basic principals.

Paragraphs. I tend to follow the principal that if it seems in the least appropriate, make a new paragraph. They do no harm and make everything much easier to read. They create a decent point at which to stop concentrating so much, for a moment.

Long paragraphs are always to be avoided. Long sentences get tiring. Short and punchy.

Stick to the point. Rambling is only fun for the writer.

It's as I was telling someone the other day. No-one in particular, but I've known them for ages. nice person. Has long blond hair and lives down the corner of my street. (See what I mean?  ::))

If you post something and no-one responds, try to think of a way to reword it, perhaps altering the context, then repost. I'm not for a moment, suggesting you spam with the same point everywhere. But that, if after a few days, no-one has responded, reword and repost. No-one ignore you here. But there is a lot to read and sometimes things get missed.

Often the problem is how you explain it.

On Susans' and no-where else, just open up. Say what you feel.  That's what's really great about Susans', you can!
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Mahsa Tezani

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