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Can I ask a question about hrt?

Started by Felix, December 30, 2011, 07:20:03 PM

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Felix

Did any of you girls feel like your thoughts got richer or more complicated when you started hrt? The longer I'm on T the less I have to say, and the less nuanced my thoughts feel. I like it a lot - I always talked too much and overthought everything - but I'm curious how normal it is. My feelings are less accessible, and when I do get upset it feels both cleaner and less true, like I'm diverting and simplifying emotional overflow into more masked and crystallized forms.

Just curious what this might look like from the other side.
everybody's house is haunted
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Alainaluvsu

I have no doubt that hormones have change my perception of things that aren't necessarily emotional. I've appreciated beauty much more, and I've been able to keep a conversation going for longer.

Don't even get me started on feelings... if someone says the slightest off thing to me I tend to over process it in my head and it goes something like this: "I wouldn't have really done it that way... wow" .. and I start thinking in my head: "??? Umm.. that kinda hurt... he said that wrong. I can't believe he said that... GOD WHY IS EVERYTHING I DO WRONG?! WHY CAN'T I GET ANY RESPECT? My feelings are hurt!! Why can't people just be nice to me?! I just want to go home! I need a friend to talk to! Where are my friends??!??!" .. and on and on..

when it used to be: "I wouldn't have really done it that way... wow" "Well **** you! My way is awesome, I'll outshine you any day of the week!"

Do you find things less cute now? Cuz I cannot stop myself from smiling and awwing at cute kitty pics, when before I used to be like "Oh, cute.."
To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are.



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MsDazzler

I am confused... arent you transitioning to being male ? If so, your question s probably more appripriate for the FTM section??
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Felix

I don't know if I find things less cute, but I think I don't. Cuteness is pretty simple, and I'm a pretty caring person. I've also always been pretty easily pleased. It's just a lot less shades of grey these days.
everybody's house is haunted
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Felix

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 30, 2011, 07:43:44 PM
I am confused... arent you transitioning to being male ? If so, your question s probably more appripriate for the FTM section??

Lol I already know what a lot of ftm's think. We talk about this irl a lot. It's just hard to pin down from a single categorical perspective.
everybody's house is haunted
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stldrmgrl

My thoughts have definitely changed.  I find myself over thinking and over analyzing things now, as well as my temper being calm...er.
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Naturally Blonde

Quote from: Felix on December 30, 2011, 07:20:03 PM
Did any of you girls feel like your thoughts got richer or more complicated when you started hrt? The longer I'm on T the less I have to say, and the less nuanced my thoughts feel. I like it a lot - I always talked too much and overthought everything - but I'm curious how normal it is. My feelings are less accessible, and when I do get upset it feels both cleaner and less true, like I'm diverting and simplifying emotional overflow into more masked and crystallized forms.

Just curious what this might look like from the other side.

I don't think my thoughts get richer?not sure what that means? but my senses are more acute.
Living in the real world, not a fantasy
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Felix

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 30, 2011, 07:43:44 PM
I am confused... arent you transitioning to being male ? If so, your question s probably more appripriate for the FTM section??

Also, sorry for the lol. I didn't mean to imply that your question wasn't legit. I just figured, apart from you having a perspective I don't have, you might be more able to put words to the experience. Which is kind of the point. Guys seem more averse to talking much about how they feel, and I'm still not sure how much hormonal effect I'm feeling versus how much societal conditioning.
everybody's house is haunted
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envie

I've been always over thinking so that hasn't changed. My emotions are also the same but the difference is that now there is no "voice in my head" that says "keep it together" so I get to express my emotions to the fullest or just to the full extent of what I feel.
It's like there was built in automatic limiter that would make sure my emotions don't last for very long and now I get to see rather for me their natural end or extent.
My priorities have changed,  my music taste somewhat as well but I don't think your question goes into that direction.
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Felix

Quote from: envie on December 30, 2011, 10:49:27 PM
I've been always over thinking so that hasn't changed. My emotions are also the same but the difference is that now there is no "voice in my head" that says "keep it together" so I get to express my emotions to the fullest or just to the full extent of what I feel.
It's like there was built in automatic limiter that would make sure my emotions don't last for very long and now I get to see rather for me their natural end or extent.
My priorities have changed,  my music taste somewhat as well but I don't think your question goes into that direction.

My question doesn't go in that direction but I'd be pretty fascinated to hear how your music tastes changed.

Mine have changed toward my listening to older stuff, but that could just be because my cd player and record player died, so lol I'm digging through tapes.

However, the station I'm listening to is playing this, and I won't pretend it doesn't delight me:
everybody's house is haunted
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Keaira

Quote from: Felix on December 30, 2011, 07:20:03 PM
Did any of you girls feel like your thoughts got richer or more complicated when you started hrt? The longer I'm on T the less I have to say, and the less nuanced my thoughts feel. I like it a lot - I always talked too much and overthought everything - but I'm curious how normal it is. My feelings are less accessible, and when I do get upset it feels both cleaner and less true, like I'm diverting and simplifying emotional overflow into more masked and crystallized forms.

Just curious what this might look like from the other side.

For me it's been like switching from a AMD K6-2 processor to using an AMD Phenom II processor to handle emotions and language. I could write that I am happy, sad, angry or amused, etc. like right now, I am still on a high from having a night out with my Sisters, so relived because I was people who knew exactly what I was going though and I could just let all my barriers down with. But I'm sad because they are leaving to go to Michigan, but I'm excited because I'll see them again in March. It's all that, at once.

I mean, this is me, with Azzie and Jannie as they try unsuccessfully to get me to pose for a photo. I really need to do something about my wardrobe issue. And I think I'm beginning to look pudgy. You can tell I'm the Tomboy out of all of us. and yes, I'm well aware of my voice. But My hat is still awesome! Oh yea! I didn't even know Azzie was filming me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-9ktQFVnRAA&feature=player_embedded

Before HRT, you probably wouldnt have even got me in front of the camera. these days I dont care. I'm generally happy and calm. I try to go to work with a smile each day now.
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pebbles

Yes But I'm not sure that's hormones per say. I think that's more confience that comes with not begin morbidly depressed all the time.

I've noticed that if I go long periods of time without communicating to another human then my conversational skills are shot to hell when I do get in a conversation. I just can't make small talk.

And in the short run with hormones certainly not when I started taking hormones for the first week I felt like crap. Like my head was all foggy I had a headache I was tried constantly I couldn't think clearly kinda like a hangover but it lasted for a week it cleared up tho. I think it's because I started abruptly and my brain wasn't used to the different biochemistry and it took several days to acclimatise.

Who knows what it exactly changed, but there are studies that show that HRT dose actually have a feminizing masculinizing effect on the brain.
http://journals.lww.com/neuroreport/Abstract/2006/01230/Hormone_replacement_therapy,_brain_volumes_and.21.aspx

It alters the ratios of Gray matter over white matter in the brain to fit more with our aquired sex note this only applies with pepole who are on HRT for a significant length of time.
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Kelly J. P.

 I don't believe that my thought patterns have gotten richer or more complex to any significant degree. While I overthink things, and overguess what people's intentions might be if I hear something that could possibly be taken wrong, this is more easily attributable to insecurity, low confidence, and/or a greater level of cynicism, and/or a better understanding of humanity as a whole (listed from most to least likely). The insecurity bit is an especially good note.

I will mention that I make a much better conversationalist than I used to, and that friends are thereby easier to make. I didn't have a friend to my name up until soon after I started HRT... Although I've been realizing that perhaps I talk too much. It doesn't bother me, but I worry about how others might react to what might be an overwhelming personality, at times.

My emotions are quite different. While I could be happy before, it was less common, and less potent, than the happiness that I see now. Sadness may have shifted, however this could just be because I've acquired the ability to cry. When I'm sad and angry about something, it seems to be felt to a much greater degree; in fact, it feels as if the emotions themselves will start to damage things in my environment. I could say that it is likely that my emotions have gotten stronger, and of course, that I'm happy more often.

Additionally, my emotions appear to be harder to mask. I used to be able to stop feeling whenever I wanted... especially around others. I don't find that I have as much of an ability to do this as I used to. This could be because of the seemingly greater intensity of my feelings.

My musical and other tastes may have changed, too. I know I don't listen to the music I used to, but it is difficult to say whether that is hormones, or just the natural progression of a human being. I tend to prefer less-hardcore music, and smoother vocals. Loving darker themes in music has not changed all that much, tough. As far as others go, I'm finding it really hard to stay interested in video games these days. It would be a shame if I lost that addiction, as I really enjoy(ed) them!

Overall, though, I don't feel that I'm becoming more complicated. If anything, I feel more simple. My emotions are less hidden, my thought patterns have remained the same, new insecurities aside... my tastes have amounted to a net loss in interest in things around me, and all those things have for redemption is a greater sense of happiness, and a new affinity for socializing. :)

Sorry for the essay :P


Edit: I forgot to add one troubling thing. I can't say whether it's hormones or growing up, but I think I feel a lot less lucid than I used to be. That is, like my actions and thoughts are a lot more automated than they used to be. I don't have any idea what this would be about... though I believe the downward decline in my lucidity pre-dates the beginning of HRT for me. Perhaps it's all the electronics, video games, and whatnot.
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Felix

Quote from: pebbles on December 31, 2011, 04:15:42 AM
Yes But I'm not sure that's hormones per say. I think that's more confience that comes with not begin morbidly depressed all the time.

I've noticed that if I go long periods of time without communicating to another human then my conversational skills are shot to hell when I do get in a conversation. I just can't make small talk.

And in the short run with hormones certainly not when I started taking hormones for the first week I felt like crap. Like my head was all foggy I had a headache I was tried constantly I couldn't think clearly kinda like a hangover but it lasted for a week it cleared up tho. I think it's because I started abruptly and my brain wasn't used to the different biochemistry and it took several days to acclimatise.

Who knows what it exactly changed, but there are studies that show that HRT dose actually have a feminizing masculinizing effect on the brain.
http://journals.lww.com/neuroreport/Abstract/2006/01230/Hormone_replacement_therapy,_brain_volumes_and.21.aspx

It alters the ratios of Gray matter over white matter in the brain to fit more with our aquired sex note this only applies with pepole who are on HRT for a significant length of time.

I'm not sure how much confidence has to do with it, as I've had periods in my life where I was or wasn't confident, but I've only been on hormones for a few weeks. And because I've had a kid for 12 years, and I was homeless before that, I've never actually spent much time alone and not talking to other humans, even when I was pretty depressed.

And Kelly the essay is good. I'm wanting to know this kind of stuff.

I make friends a lot better than I used to (funny how being oneself does that :P), and I'm happier, but I'm less interested in meanings and I'm becoming more direct.

Your lucidity, idk. I feel like my thoughts are becoming clearer and simpler and slower, but I'll offer the important disclaimer that I've experienced a ton of drugs and head injuries, a bout with meningitis, and at least one stroke. So I expect to be a little slow, honestly.

Sarah, substitute T for E and I could quote you verbatim with a straight face.
everybody's house is haunted
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A_Dresden_Doll

I became more logical and aggressive on Estrogen. Go figure.

I find it easier to communicate, but that has more to do with me being more fucused and sure of myself. In fact, I thought something was wrong, because I was much more confrontational. I was worried that my body was producing Testosterone to compinsate in the change in my biology. Boy I was wrong. My T died more easily than Kim Jong il. I'm content with being a genetic freak. Woopie!
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Felix

Quote from: A_Dresden_Doll on December 31, 2011, 09:11:44 PM
I became more logical and aggressive on Estrogen. Go figure.

I find it easier to communicate, but that has more to do with me being more fucused and sure of myself. In fact, I thought something was wrong, because I was much more confrontational. I was worried that my body was producing Testosterone to compinsate in the change in my biology. Boy I was wrong. My T died more easily than Kim Jong il. I'm content with being a genetic freak. Woopie!

I've always been very logical, and I don't think that changed any for me. I understand how you may have become more aggressive. You might be more honestly truly you now, and on top of that actually feeling your feelings.

I'm a lot less aggressive, but I'm not sure why. I might just be still bemused and collecting my thoughts. I'm so different than before, though. I realize how vague I may sound in this thread, but the change really are difficult for me to understand and describe.
everybody's house is haunted
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