I would interject the same concerns already posted here. It should be your choice as to who you tell such personal information to.
If nothing else, your friend needs to have it explained to them that they could be endangering you. They could be putting a bulls eye on you by giving out such personal information to people you don't really know.

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 17, 2011, 10:28:03 AM
As in, "This is <insert name>. Oh, she is transgender, FYI."

Or "Can I tell him/her that you are trans?"

Good or bad (if you are out, that is)?

Some of my friends don't know I am TS and the few that do don't mention it. I've never been introduce as transgendered and would feel insulted if I was!

Do you ever wonder if they talk about your transsexuality behind your back? like if you depart afterwards shortly, then your friend turns to that person and say, "Oh, btw, she used to be a man" or  "She is transgender".

On a separate but related note - how do you want your friends to react if they are asked, "Hey, is that a man?" or "is she transgender"?

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 19, 2011, 09:17:56 PM
Do you ever wonder if they talk about your transsexuality behind your back? like if you depart afterwards shortly, then your friend turns to that person and say, "Oh, btw, she used to be a man" or  "She is transgender".

On a separate but related note - how do you want your friends to react if they are asked, "Hey, is that a man?" or "is she transgender"?

If they are a good enough friend, they will tell you.

I was with the guy I am dating yesterday and according to him, none of the girls I met are talking smack. But yeah, I definitely wonder that...then I don't care. But yeah, I was surprised to hear no one ever thought I was a man at work...The coworkers I worked with had heard rumors, yet none of the males believed it.

Crazy.

Quote from: MsDazzler on December 17, 2011, 10:28:03 AM
As in, "This is <insert name>. Oh, she is transgender, FYI."

Or "Can I tell him/her that you are trans?"

Good or bad (if you are out, that is)?

During the 3rd week I transitioned fulltime, I visited another trans "friend" in New Jersey. She kept on introducing me to her friends by saying "This is Annah, she is trans like me."

Long story short, I haven't visited her since.

When I am introduced to people, I would like to be introduced as Annah. Do people say "This is Jeff, he is my gay friend?" No.

Quote from: Annah on December 19, 2011, 11:43:23 PM
During the 3rd week I transitioned fulltime, I visited another trans "friend" in New Jersey. She kept on introducing me to her friends by saying "This is Annah, she is trans like me."

I bet she didn't look as good as you too? Right?

I hate people who keep me in the "trans" label. They don't last in my life.

i dont usually compare myself and I feel awkward saying, but I am being very honest and as sympathetic as I can: she does not pass at all. And I feel she did let others know I was trans to make herself feel better.

I was so pissed, I went out on her porch and smoked all night. I was spending the night and I should have left that night but I still had enough compassion to stay over. The rest of the night, she watched trans youtube videos in her bedroom rather than being out in the living room with her guest.

The next day she suggested I should see a therapist and I asked why she would say such a thing and she responded "well, you're depressed. I can tell depressed people."

I replied, "no, I am not depressed, I am pissed. There's a difference." I drove back home shortly thereafter.

Quote from: Annah on December 20, 2011, 12:09:02 AM
i dont usually compare myself and I feel awkward saying, but I am being very honest and as sympathetic as I can: she does not pass at all. And I feel she did let others know I was trans to make herself feel better.

I got a lot of that in my therapy group. The alpha trans told me, "I went into this therapy as a woman, while the rest of you went in as men"

She looked like Howard Stern....

I will never be friends with any of those people again.

Quote from: Mahsa the disco shark on December 20, 2011, 12:15:02 AM
I got a lot of that in my therapy group. The alpha trans told me, "I went into this therapy as a woman, while the rest of you went in as men"

She looked like Howard Stern....

I will never be friends with any of those people again.

I went to a trans therapy group twice. It was a complete joke. Reminded me of 8th grade gym class where the boys had a contest to see whose penis was bigger.

The group was very awkward. You had those in there who judged others because they were real women and everyone else weren't. You had people who talked about spending hundreds of dollars in hypno therapy to convince themselves to feel more feminine (which is weird to me because I had always assume trans people...the point is you feel your gender inside not the gender on the outside). You had those who were basket cases of pure depression; they would not say a happy or encouraging thing if their life depended on it, etc etc

I went to Southern Comfort Conference and it was the same thing. Never in my life had a seen so many Prima donnas under one roof. There was some really nice girls but, sadly, the alpha females ruined it. I spent the rest of the weekend spending time with a friend near Atlanta, Georgia and had more fun just being me.

Quote from: Annah on December 20, 2011, 12:19:38 AM
I went to a trans therapy group twice. It was a complete joke. Reminded me of 8th grade gym class where the boys had a contest to see whose penis was bigger.

The group was very awkward. You had those in there who judged others because they were real women and everyone else weren't. You had people who talked about spending hundreds of dollars in hypno therapy to convince themselves to feel more feminine

My experiences with the therapy group is why I identify with gay men and my fellow transgender performers now. Sorry, I felt pity for the people... None of them were even full time for real and most of it seemed to have other issues behind their transition. The former gay man in the group told me, "You're the only one who was believable"... and I wasn't trying. They were amazed I wasn't someone who was geeky and what not.

I had the Howard stern woman try to give me "female coaching" classes...I told her, "I'm a proud gay man" and it shut her up. I came out of that group not putting up with a lot of the crap I experience on this board on and off.

Considering I could have skipped the group and just got hormones...It was a waste of two months.

Quote from: Annah on December 19, 2011, 11:43:23 PM

When I am introduced to people, I would like to be introduced as Annah. Do people say "This is Jeff, he is my gay friend?" No.

That has happened few times to me when I was presenting as a gay man. 

Hi,

It sounds like to me that some of you   have not been given much respect for who you are regardless of what you wear or how you look or not, may be because im a lot older 64. i get respect any way when im introdused to others   & im talking groups of 100's of people this is noeleena, who is going to talk to us to day. .......

Even my background is well known if not it certinly will be .. i find it strange your not accepted as you are you , give your name  should that not be good enough. or is there a those concerned dont wont to accept you may be different & wont accept that difference,

For my self im the one that goes up to people & say hi  im noeleena...   after that we just talk .

I spos because im not trans those who know me dont bring any other names in to converstion  im just a woman & thats all there is to it,

May be you need to say  listen im a woman / or man & tell them,   why do you bring up ....oh this is  your name & he / she's a ........ trans  .no need to .

If that were to happen to myself id say im not a trans never was. so were is this coming from  because i meet many trans people does not make me one   , im a woman & if you dont like that then time you thought about before you say things check your facts,   
I would throw it back at those who disreguard you, or may be they think its smart.

...noeleena...

Sorry, it's taken some time for me to reply. I needed some emotional distance from this topic for a while so I could calm down and when I had and was feeling more capable of handling it, I needed to prepare for Christmas and Christmas related travel instead. I do really appreciate the responses. Thanks for your kind words, reassurances, understanding and advice. I think I might make the effort to come back here and read these forums more regularly. I like how they deepen my undersandings and change how I view the world. Take care everyone, and hopefully I will see you around here again :-)

Lilacwoman – I thought I did see her as a woman and was surprised to realise I didn't all the time. My mind kept swapping back to old ways of seeing and thinking about her. I'm still adjusting it seems. I've known other transgender people and never had a problem seeing them as their proper gender or referring to them with the correct pronouns but I also didn't know them before they transitioned. I'll get there eventually, I just wish there was a way I could speed up the process so I don't hurt my friend again.


Jayr – "punched in the face" is seems like an accurate description of how she looked every time I blundered. That or stabbed in the chest. She even flinched. I can understand why you would want to smack them in the back of the head. Despite how much distress I was causing my friend, she actually ended up comforting me.

[Redacted] – thanks for sharing your friend's method. It's great that he has managed to use the correct pronouns every time and he has been so supportive of you. I also think it's fantastic that he was up front about it being difficult to make the "mental switch". It makes me think that maybe I should speak to my friend about it. I intended to speak more deliberately but I have a medical illness that impairs my cognitive functioning with fluctuating severity and wasn't able to do it. I positive I will make the mental switch eventually.

PS I checked out your blog. Wow! You're a really gifted writer. I became emotional while reading it. I think how I understand myself, others and the world evolved a little more from reading it so thanks for giving me that glimpse of that part of you and your life. Are you planning to post anymore entries? I feel invested in you and your happiness and well-being now and want to know how things are working out for you. Are you feeling aligned inside and out now? Have you found someone? etc   
   
MsDazzler – thanks for welcoming my "contribution" and for your reassurance. I was really distressed over what had happened (I hate to think what my firend has been through over the last couple of weeks - I really should write to her and check). It's hard being responsible for hurting a friend even when it is unintentional. It's especially hard to know you're probably going to do it again despite your best efforts. I am fretting less now though and that's a good thing because being anxious about it will make me anxious around her and will mean I'm more likely to make a mistake.

Beverley – It's good to know that I'm not the only one and we're all fallible She's definitely worth it , I just hope she feels the same way about me and will keep me asa  friend despite the blunders I'm bound to make while I transition. I agree with you – practice does seem to be the key or at least one of the keys. I've started writing descriptions/ stories about my friend underneath a recent photo of her so I can practice using female pronouns when referring to her. I'm hoping it will become automatic for me that way.

PS If anyone replies, I'm going to be away for the next week and a half and will only have a limited and unreliable internet connection so may not be able to get back to you until I come home.

How is it going now? Have you gotten used to it by now?

I stopped practicing over the festive period and I haven't seen my friend but I'm very rarely making mistakes in my head when I think of her so hopefully that's a good sign.

PS you look smoking hot in your photo :-)