I probably shouldn't be, but I'm fascinated by "hypothetical" scenarios and "what if" situations.

I was wondering, knowing what you personally know right now about yourself, your life, your gender, etc. what would you change out of your past (and don't say "being born male" because even though this is hypothetical, I think we should keep in the realm of things you'd actually be able to change)? How do think changing things in your past would make the present different.

For me, the absolute number one thing that I would change, would have been to stop "pretending" to be someone I'm not much earlier. I don't mean that I would have transitioned, I just mean that I would have stopped behaving in certain ways that just weren't me. I would have stopped trying to push myself to be something I'm not. I also would have let more friends know the REAL me. Lastly I wouldn't have taken so many things for granted. I used to live in an area I loved and I totally took it for granted for over a decade. Now that I don't live there anymore I really wish I could go back sometimes and just make better use of time and resources during that decade. As far as how changes like these could have made my present different ... I think I just would have found happiness quicker and finding that quicker would have meant I wouldn't have wasted so much time feeling miserable. I probably would have had a lot more accomplishments.

I would have started living as male much sooner instead of denying it for ages and trying to conform to what everyone told me I was supposed to be. I also would have made sure to pursue medical transition sooner and be able to start blockers before puberty to prevent going through female puberty in the first place, which would gotten rid of a ton of the depression I went through during teenage years.

Same. I don't know if I'd have been out or lived as male (restrictive church and school) but I would have modified my appearance enough to feel more comfortable. none of this blouse crap. I also would have began working in high school to save money, and I'd move out before starting university.

You know sometimes I wish I could take a time travel machine and go back to a more depressed me and tell Malachite exactly what is he experiencing and that he is not alone.  I would of told him to start saving up money as a child from birthdays and Christmas and Graduation etc. so he would be a bit farther with saving money for top surgery than he is now.  I would have BEGGED him to lay off the sweets and junk food and to eat healthier and drink more water and get in more exercise to make things easier for him in the future.  The future Malachite would tell the younger one to find his spirituality according not by what is in a book but is what is in his heart.

So basically had I known then what I know now I would probably weigh less and much healthier, be more proud of who I am, and be more funded mentally and financially for surgery.


This makes me wish that the Malachite 10 years from now would visit me and tell me what I need to do and how will I be.

Quote from: Malachite on January 10, 2012, 12:06:50 AM
I would have BEGGED him to lay off the sweets and junk food and to eat healthier and drink more water and get in more exercise to make things easier for him in the future. 

Oh, I'd have done this too! I used to always be slim, but there was a point where I let myself go a bit and now trying to lose it is hell. So used to eating whatever I want because I used to exercise all the time. But once the habit is broken...

Quote from: Caseyyy on January 10, 2012, 12:08:41 AM
Oh, I'd have done this too! I used to always be slim, but there was a point where I let myself go a bit and now trying to lose it is hell. So used to eating whatever I want because I used to exercise all the time. But once the habit is broken...

Ouch I know the letting go part all too well especially from stress.  Now I have have to get into the habit of instead of working out to cope instead of eating.

I wish I would have come out of the closet and transitioned 16 years ago.

I would have started transitioning at 19, when I finally realized I was trans, instead of waiting so long.  I mainly waited because I felt if I could just make it till my mom died (hell, I could be in my 40s or 50s by then) I could do it, because I didn't want to deal with her (super religious so I knew it was going to be hard), but then I just couldn't take it anymore, I was going to die if I didn't start transition.  And I would have started to save for top then too.  I'm 24.

I've spent so much of my life forcing myself to pretend to be female because I thought that was best for everyone. I've realised now that it absolutely wasn't.

I have known forever that something was different, but I discovered that I wanted to explore the realm of possibility of transitioning at 16. I would have came out then, rather than hiding it and trying to conform to society's standards of what I should be. I would have started transitioning then, or if my parents wouldn't have let me, then I would have at 18. I'm glad I came out in April though. I had never even intended to, and if I didn't I would still be unhappy. Luckily, I'm only 21 and still have most of my life ahead of me for which I can enjoy. I am on Testosterone, and happy.( Ya know, except for just being told today that my script is on back order - so I'm gonna have to call every pharmacy in town tomorrow, as well as my doctor for him to call in to whichever pharmacy I find that has it. )

I would have skipped university and gone straight to cheffery, taken better care of my body, and started transitioning earlier.

only thing I really want is to get out of the closet and transdition sooner.

I am not going to lie, I have made some horrible stuff in my life, but on the other hand its also what made me me,
if I changed it I am not sure how I would be today.

I would have told my parents sooner, knowing how supportive they'd (at least try to) be. Just that one thing would probably have helped a lot. I've lost so much time to medical leave from school due to depression; being in therapy probably would have helped a ton. I don't know if I'd have done much differently appearance-wise: I started experimenting with binding soon after I started questioning my gender, and I cut my hair at exactly the right time.

I would have come out much sooner than I did, and started living as a male much sooner as well.

This is such a tough one - I'm in two minds about it...

Part of me wishes I'd gone with the instinct I had when I hit puberty and began to realise that I'd always felt like a boy - I began to tentatively dress and present as male at around 16 and did so, albeit inconsistently, until I was about 22, occasionally even binding in public, but not ever coming out to any friends or family as trans...  Then I 'chickened out,' in a manner if speaking, and made a disastrous attempt at living as a woman for a few years.  If I'd stuck with my first instinct, I might be far further along in my transition now, which is what I currently desperately wish for myself.

Though another part of me acknowledges that all of my experiences up until this point, including those attempting to live as a woman, are in some way valuable.  This is what I use to comfort myself when I feel like maybe I've wasted too much time.  There are a hell of a lot of difficulties, challenges and traumas that come along with being trans, but part and parcel with it too is that we get to experience life socially, if not mentally and emotionally, as both women and men, and I suppose in a lot of cases it can make us stronger people.  Whether or not it's made me stronger, I don't know, but it's certainly given me a wealth of social experience, not all good and not all bad, but all useful.

I also wonder if perhaps I didn't see the transition through the first time because I wasn't quite ready.  It's impossible to tell whether, if I had transitioned younger, I would've looked back and wondered whether I could've been happy as a woman, but it might've happened. Now I've given the woman thing a damned good go, lol, and I know I just can't live like that.  I'm certain I'll have no regrets.  Of course I know that a lot of trans men are consciously aware and certain from a very young age that they are men - this is just the way it happened for me.

Maybe I'm making the best out of a less than ideal set of circumstances, lol!  Though if you can't do that, what can you do?

I don't think I pretended very much when I was younger.  I was a loud and proud tomboy and always did what felt comfortable in that regard with the exception of maybe my middle school graduation where I was the only girl in the entire school to wear pants to graduation-- I was a *little* embarrassed about that at the time, but I felt very comfortable in my ugly, masculine green pants suit and wouldn't have changed even if someone had presented me with a dress then and there.

I might've changed what I did in college, though.  I realized I was trans my freshman year and started making plans to get on T so I could pass before I graduated and went out into the working world.  But I got scared and tried to hide in religion (like seriously-- all out hide-- I was very close to joining a convent.  I even spent a week there).  It would've been a lot easier to change in college than to change mid-career, but I'm hoping to go to grad school next year, which will give me a good time to sort of "hide out from society" while I transition.  Right now I'm kinda glad I didn't transition back then-- I wasn't at all ready.  If I'd have known what I know now and have had all the experiences that shaped me the last five years, I probably would've transitioned back then, though.

Finally a question I can relate to. I have so many regrets.

For one I wish when I started puberty at 8 I would've went on hormone blockers. I had menstrual problems and they gave me pure estrogen, of course at the time I didn't care about how I looked or what hormones were.

2nd I wish I would've been more open to people. I was and still am very reserved around people. Any people friends, strangers, etc. And in High School I wish I would've joined more clubs and been a little more active in school spirit. I never went to prom or any of that stuff. I didn't have many friends either and still don't.

3rd I wish I would've made my mom allow me to play football when I was younger and not fat. I feel if I would've done sports and gotten involved in sports I wouldn't be so out of shape. And sports is a great way to make friends and come out the social awkward bubble.

Quote from: Clive on January 10, 2012, 05:04:41 PM
Though another part of me acknowledges that all of my experiences up until this point, including those attempting to live as a woman, are in some way valuable.  This is what I use to comfort myself when I feel like maybe I've wasted too much time.  There are a hell of a lot of difficulties, challenges and traumas that come along with being trans, but part and parcel with it too is that we get to experience life socially, if not mentally and emotionally, as both women and men, and I suppose in a lot of cases it can make us stronger people.  Whether or not it's made me stronger, I don't know, but it's certainly given me a wealth of social experience, not all good and not all bad, but all useful.

I kind of view a lot of my experiences as valuable in some way too. I didn't always think that though. I wish I could have seen the value in them back when they were happening.

I never would have let my mom force me out of baggy jeans and into skirts in fourth grade. I would have sucked it up and rocked short hair and boys clothes through middle and high school. I probably would have been a better athlete because I wouldn't have suppressed my aggressiveness.  I hate what ifs.. it makes me sad about wasting my youth trying to conform and the social anxiety that's resulted from it.

i would have started blockers when i first realized i was trans when i was tanner stage 2-3 instead of now stage 4 if i did i would be so much better off no hips, no acne, very little boob, no fat, and no depression.