Kia Ora,

If for whatever reason you couldn't fully transition would you ever consider a compromise= An 'androgynous' lifestyle ?

Metta Zenda

Always making us think aren't you Zenda? ^_^

I... yes, I think I would. In a way, that might be in my cards. If having my Gender marker changed means that my marriage becomes null and void, then I won't be changing it. I love my wife enough that I would hold off on that.

Quote from: Keaira on January 17, 2012, 02:20:13 AM
Always making us think aren't you Zenda? ^_^

I... yes, I think I would. In a way, that might be in my cards. If having my Gender marker changed means that my marriage becomes null and void, then I won't be changing it. I love my wife enough that I would hold off on that.

Kia Ora Keaira,

"Thought itself is the thinker!" 

But would you[could you] find contentment ?

Metta Zenda

I believed for most of my life that I could never transition. I had a kid who needed a mom, and I thought I had a scientific career, and I didn't want to jeopardize that.

The compromise I came to was that I was just a very masculine girl, and I argued all the time to be allowed the same rights and privileges as any man. Sometimes it went well and sometimes it didn't. There was always an undercurrent of shame/bitterness/whatever, though. I was keeping myself to myself, and withering because of it. Ashes in my mouth, it was.

So yeah, I would totally compromise if I had to. I would be the best person I could be with whatever constraints were put on me. But I wouldn't find contentment. Not for any great length of time, anyway.

I basically lived an androgynous lifestyle before finding out transition was possible, so my answer has to be yes. How happy I'd be depends on whether I'd be allowed to go on T or not. As long as I could keep feeling this good physically, I could deal with being the weird manly chick for the rest of my life.

I'm kind of in that in-between position anyway because I started T way before I'll be socially transitioning. Can't change my name 'til next year and I figure it'll be less awkward to just stay a masculine woman than to be a dude with a girl's ID.

I like that Zenda stirs the pot occasionally.  It is fun and the deeper discussions help distract us from mundane day to day disappointments.  She really isn't asking if you would be happy andro, but rather have you even thought about it.

Sort of a live each day as it comes.  If today you are comfortable being seen as you are then why keep going?  Just because the trail leads to X doesn't mean you can't go to Y.

Quote from: Robert Frost
"The Road Less Taken"

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Each morning is a chance to do something new.  If you don't constantly evaluate where you are against where you want to go then you can get lost.

Let's even look at Zenda's profile custom phrases  one is:
"Sabbe Dhamma Nalam Abhinivesaya!"
The other is:
"Nothing Whatsoever Should Be Clung To!"

Guess what?  Those are the same saying.  The first is the original and the second is just its English translation.  Be aware of what you are doing and if it is helping or hurting.  Be mindful.

BTW I am in no way saying don't make long term goals, I'm saying tailor those to the situation each and every day.  And if one day you decide the goal is no longer worthy then change it REGARDLESS of how much has been spent chasing it.

Lets use a financial term.  SUNK COST.  Sunk cost is exactly what it sounds like.  It is the amount of money invested in a venture that is irretrievable.  Once your goal changes, any progress on the old path may become sunk cost.  Some will not.  Do NOT let the idea of lost opportunity prevent you from turning your back on it.  It is gone and NOTHING you can do will bring it back.

Lets even use a religious quote.  This one is Islamic.  I am not Islamic and I know I bending context slightly, so any Muslims forgive my misuse.
"Surah 2" - The Cow
end of verse 13: "Nay, of a surety they are the fools, but they do not know."

This supports all of what is being asked.  If you are sure and do no analysis then you are a fool.  Things change and you must alter plans to accommodate them.

Now how about Sun Tzu and "The Art of War"

Quote from: Sun Tzu
"The Art of War"
8 - Variations in Tactics
Line 4 - The general who thoroughly understands the advantages
that accompany variation of tactics knows how to handle his
troops.

Question everything!!!!!

Use each day as an opportunity for a new path.  You may find it doesn't change.  That is fine, you have examined it and found it sound.  It is likely even that this will be the usually result, but it isn't always.  It is only when you "assume" it is still valid that we get into trouble.  We all know what "ass u me" means too.

I lived for decades sitting 'between the chairs', so to speak.
Constantly 'manning up' ... and that at mostly lots of troubled feelings and mind - not really knowing what's up. Ever. Stupid. Lost. No idea.

Then the earth quaked finally. After that I tried to go back to the previous situation when I had too, for some or other reason - It cracked me up, each time. Badly.

That might just mean that compromise is not an option in deed - At least not now, not yet.

Will I know the future? NO.
No one does - I say :-) Horoscopes or no horoscopes.

Mit bestem Gruß,
Axélle

I couldn't do this, mainly because it's something I've already tried. And no one ever told me to compromise - I mostly did it out of denial and fear. Honestly, the last thing I seek is to identify as gender non-binary again; personally, it's a step backwards for me and its a life that has always made me feel terrible about myself. I would not like to see the places my mind ended up if I continued to feign happiness at times when my transition had to be delayed...even though I felt like I moving through life stuck in some prison of a person I was not.

In a more financial sense, the career I want to go into would not benefit from me having to identify as trans. Not only could I be at risk for severe career discrimination, but I would also get paid so much less than I would if I were male anyway. I'm looking into a science/medical career which will likely either involve some sort of brain science, psychiatry, and or surgical practice/advancement, because these types of subjects have always interested me. Incidentally, they happen to lucrative professions, and getting paid something like 30% because I still have a female gender marker would not cut it for me.

I did it for a number of years. It didn't really do anything for me other than attractive negative attention and make everyone think I liked guys. Though it did kind of lay the groundwork for transitioning in some ways. Nobody was surprised when I came out. And I haven't had to deal with unlearning masculine mannerisms or any of that kind of stuff 'cause I never learned 'em in the first place.

It wasn't really very intentional though. Like I didn't sit down and go "okay, I'm going to live androgynously to try to help with my gender issues" or anything like that. I just picked out clothing that didn't make me feel so weird and fake. And moved how I moved and spoke how I spoke without trying to alter anything to be more "appropriate."

Quote from: Zenda on January 17, 2012, 02:34:25 AM
Kia Ora Keaira,

"Thought itself is the thinker!" 

But would you[could you] find contentment ?

Metta Zenda

Don't know. I know I'd be a little restless. I mean I'd like SRS. But I know I would never be able to afford it. So I've come to accept that it's out of my reach.

I would go as far as I could with it.

Kia Ora,

And if you can't be with the one you love[fully transition] love the one you're with= compromise  'androgyny'...

Love the One You're With

I know the song's not about androgyny, but it's thought provoking   "Love the stage you're at !"

However I know that for some the androgynous stage can be a nightmare, whilst for others it can be interesting and at times fun...

But when all is said and done, I guess it's possible when one transitions one has got to weigh the odds of being fully accepted as ones affirmed gender [when completing their transition] or having to settle for being seen [and for the most part being treated] as androgynous when out in public - which for some this seems to be the case...Androgynous by default...   

Metta Zenda

Probably not.  I've been trying to convince myself that I could do that and be happy, and it's working less and less.

I lived andro for a long time, but found I was slipping closer and closer to the female side. I was finally so close that  "going full time" was only a matter of changing a few things about my appearance.

Financially.  But I hope to overcome that soon. 

I was Hyper Masculine for years and I was very troubled, once I finally let go and let my true self shine there was no going back. even though my life is a grey area, black and white is all I see right now. No middle ground if that makes any sence? I can not and will not take steps backwards from where I am at now.